Ex sent to prison and wants his wife to continue with our contact order!

Mojisola

wildincrawley wrote: »

He has a fantastic relationship with all 4 adults. He also sees his grandparents on both sides. This is what I would hope you will be aiming for, and it starts now.

For her son and her partner's son.

Her son is going to have at least one half-sibling at his father's house and one "step brother" who comes to stay at his home - the adults all need to behave like reasonable people so that these children can make good relationships with all the grown-ups and children in the three households.

duchy

ElizabethMcdubh wrote: »

He said he was intimidated into doing it, it wasn't for a friend to my knowledge

They actually had IVF to conceive their child.

I can think of another couple who had IVF - but if I mention them it'll get the thread shut down.Having IVF means a lot of things but it doesn't make an automatically good parent anymore than all teachers (or doctors) make good parents- many do but some don't.

If my ex wasn't mixing with the sort of people who would intimidate him into carrying drugs when he was with me- but now he's with a new partner is......... I wouldn't be enabling contact with that new partner (although maybe he was mixing with these same people when he was with the OP too-we don't know)

Lieja

ElizabethMcdubh wrote: »

How can I be sure these people Wong intimidate her or do anything to my son? How can. Be sure my ex won't targeted again when his released...

Come on, that's not the reason you're doing this. If you make him go back to court then he'll get contact again, and you'll have put your son through that for nothing. Please, think of your son's emotional wellbeing and not your own.

duchy

Lieja wrote: »

So do only perfect parents get to have relationships with their children? Totally ridiculous. People get involved in crime, knowingly or not, for a huge variety of reasons and not all of them make for bad people.

No but they certainly aren't putting their kids first .
A parent's first responsibility is keeping their children safe.......hanging out with dealers and having to do them favours is not a sign of a responsible parent.

quidsy

I personally wouldn't allow it. Your son is 4, he can start seeing them again once dad is out. The dads gf has no rights and as the mother it is your right to decide who has overnight responsibility for your child. Add in a coercion to push drugs, presumably with threats, that alone is reason enough to rethink access. All the blended family stuff is all well and good but when you add that one serious and worrying scenario then the safety of the child has to come first. You could contact the gf and offer to visit once her baby is born.

wildincrawley

Mojisola wrote: »

For her son and her partner's son.

Her son is going to have at least one half-sibling at his father's house and one "step brother" who comes to stay at his home - the adults all need to behave like reasonable people so that these children can make good relationships with all the grown-ups and children in the three households.

Yes actually - stepfather's son is now friend's best mate. No blood relation.

Lieja

duchy wrote: »

No but they certainly aren't putting their kids first .
A parent's first responsibility is keeping their children safe.......hanging out with dealers and having to do them favours is not a sign of a responsible parent.

Yes but that wasn't the question. Should they be denied a relationship with their children?

ElizabethMcdubh

meritaten wrote: »

I think you need to go back to your own solicitor about this - to me the dad cant 'have a relationship by proxy'. unless your child has a good and longstanding relationship with his wife.

She has been in his life since he was 9months old but regularly since he was 18 months old. His now 4 is this considered long standing....

Mojisola

wildincrawley wrote: »

Yes actually - stepfather's son is now friend's best mate. No blood relation.

By "her", I meant ElizabethMcdubh.

Your friend and his family have really got it sorted - shows how good it can be when people work at it.

ElizabethMcdubh

duchy wrote: »

I can think of another couple who had IVF - but if I mention them it'll get the thread shut down.Having IVF means a lot of things but it doesn't make an automatically good parent anymore than all teachers (or doctors) make good parents- many do but some don't.

If my ex wasn't mixing with the sort of people who would intimidate him into carrying drugs when he was with me- but now he's with a new partner is......... I wouldn't be enabling contact with that new partner (although maybe he was mixing with these same people when he was with the OP too-we don't know)

Apparently they are known drug lords of his area who force lots of people to do things, he says he is not friends with them and his never spoken to them before this they apparently cornered him and it went from there so he says...