Ex sent to prison and wants his wife to continue with our contact order!

Ms_Chocaholic

Double standards!

wildincrawley

ElizabethMcdubh wrote: »

I agree the courts should be last option but I know it will come to that when I say no.

I said no to Friday - sunday overnight contact and he took me straight to court .

He says he was selling drugs for somebody who pressured him into doing it, the courts gave him a small sentence because they believed he may have been intimidated to do it but regardless they still charged him with possession and intent to supply so to me that's enough, if the courts convicted him regardless then he was foolish and maybe he should have reported the person intimidating him or found a way out or perhaps told me and stopped contact with our son until he felt he could resume a safe contact order with him

Well, assuming you had a relationship with the father, you have a better idea than the courts... was he dealing drugs when he was with you, for example? Probably best not to answer here!

I'm just trying to say, think what is best for your son with your logic, not with your emotions.

Safe... would it be safe if he was not under the influence of drugs, and there were no drugs present when he was with his son? Does his partner do drugs? How about supervised contact?

As someone whose father died when I was young, I am just trying to give you another perspective, there is no right or wrong, so apologies if this sounds harsh.

For example, what will you say to your 16 year old son if he asks you why you stopped him seeing his father when he was 4?

If you went to prison for 6 months, would you think you should still have a relationship with your son when you get out? So, presumably you would wish the same for his father?

Ideally you would negotiate with his father so that you both agree what is best for your son, irrespective of what you both "want" emotionally. Of course, we may not live in an ideal world, however if the father's attitude is as you imply, you may have to be the "better man" (person).

ElizabethMcdubh

Janepig wrote: »

I think the poster meant your current partner. Does your current partner ever have your son on his own? Seeing as you don't want the step mother to have any contact on her own with your child.

Jx

No we have only been together 18 months and lived together for 8 weeks. I work from home also so there is no need for him to be alone with him. I don't socialise as I don't anyone here, I moved here to be with my partner and his son so I have no friends as of yet!!

CH27

ElizabethMcdubh wrote: »

Why should my ex be out working or doing other things and then his wife be with our son? How is it beneficial, he could be at home with me his real mum or he could be at nursery?

So you never spend time alone with your step son?
Your OH will never spend time alone with your son?

Mojisola

ElizabethMcdubh wrote: »

I have looked after his son once while he went to work because he asked me too.

My ex has brought this up in the past and I have explained that if my current partner wants me to and is happy for me to then it bares no relevance on how I feel my sons contact with him should be spent

So if your partner is happy for you to look after his son and your ex is happy for his new partner to look after his son, isn't that the same situation?

Did you get permission from your partner's ex before you looked after her son?

Ms_Chocaholic

So, let me get this straight.

You lived near you ex. You moved away and did not agree to weekend contact. Your ex had to go to Court to get weekend (overnight contact).

This situation has arisen as you now live so far away from where ex lived. If you'd not moved, your ex's partner could have had your son and maintained some sort of bond whilst your ex was in prison.

Janepig

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

Double standards!

That. And another thread where the OP has already made her mind up and is simply here to waste other people's time by rubbishing well considered replies that she doesn't agree with (ie, that she should consider what's best for her son, not herself).

It's a well documented fact that prisoners are far far less likely to re-offend on release if their keep in contact with family while they are in jail. There are schemes such as ones where dads can record themselves reading bedtime stories which can be played at home to their children, etc.... to ensure that the family links aren't broken.

This is all presuming of course that we don't have another troll on our hands. :cool:

Jx

Ms_Chocaholic

Mojisola wrote: »

So if your partner is happy for you to look after his son and your ex is happy for his new partner to look after his son, isn't that the same situation?

Did you get permission from your partner's ex before you looked after her son?

Especially when they've only lived together 8 weeks yet her ex and his partner have lived together for 3 years and therefore there will be a greater bond.

Lieja

ElizabethMcdubh wrote: »

Why should my ex be out working or doing other things and then his wife be with our son? How is it beneficial, he could be at home with me his real mum or he could be at nursery?

How is being at nursery more beneficial or acceptable than spending time with someone who cares for him and has a great bond, and will soon be mother to his brother/sister?

Your ex is just as much your son's parent as you are.

ElizabethMcdubh

Lieja wrote: »

Why wouldn't you agree to every other weekend in the first place? Why don't you think his stepmum should have contact with your son when his father's not there, whether he's in jail or not? She's a huge part of his life, and to take that away from him would be detrimental to your son, as would stopping contact again once his father's released. She's sounds like a great stepmum, why take her away from him?

I don't mean to be awful, but you haven't really given a reason that you think this contact is wrong other than the lack of genetics, which is utterly ridiculous. She's been his stepmum for three years. Would you be happy if his dad said that your partner couldn't look after your son without you being there?

I felt that our son was to young and he wasn't ready. My ex was really only consistent with contact from January 2012, before that he had cancelled around one visit a month, but when he settled with his partner things seemed to change.

His never taken drugs or smoked himself or ever sold them to my knowledge.

I do understand if the shoe was on the other foot I would argue differently but I have single handed lay brought our son up and been there for him everyday I am his mother and his only mum as my ex is his only father, I don't see why partners need to be involved and that stands for my own partner, he doesn't ask to meet my ex or expect to parent when it should be me who parents so why should she....