Ex sent to prison and wants his wife to continue with our contact order!

Person_one

ElizabethMcdubh wrote: »

His dad has him every other weekend 5pm - 5pm because we live 115 miles apart so it's not reasonable for just one over night stay per visit, it would be to much for my son to travel all that way for one night his only 4 : /

Well then maybe rather than reducing the number of nights you could reduce the frequency to 1 in 3 or 1 in 4 weekends.

ElizabethMcdubh

Alikay wrote: »

Perhaps your ex thinks contact with his new wife during the pregnancy will help to build a bond between your DS and the new baby, rather than him being presented with a baby of a few months old when his dad is released?

If his dad serves 6 months then the baby will either be just born or 1-2 weeks away from being born. Would the courts allow contact to resume straight wy between my son and his fathers?

CH27

ElizabethMcdubh wrote: »

I personally just think this is the way it's to be between separated parents. I do understand that our son has other family with his dad but maybe his dad should have considered that before he done what he done!

Yes his wife is our sons step mother and is happy to continue the commitment but she isn't a real parent and he isn't her biological son so why should she be allowed this time with him, if their child was born and our son had a relationship with he/she then it would be different because there would then be a genetic link for her to continue the contact with him

I probably sound awful but to me this is my opinion and the way I see it, I'm just wondering if it's reasonable to feel the way I do and how do you think a judge would see it?

Thanks off all your answers : )

We get lots of threads about parents & step parents here.

Your son's step mum sounds a like a good one so don't mess up the relationship between your son & her.
Your son will have to adjust to no dad being around & a new baby so keep her a contstant.

ElizabethMcdubh

CH27 wrote: »

We get lots of threads about parents & step parents here.

Your son's step mum sounds a like a good one so don't mess up the relationship between your son & her.
Your son will have to adjust to no dad being around & a new baby so keep her a contstant.

I'm sure she's a lovely person I just don't think she should have contact with my son without his father present.

I think that if he was careless enough to get his self in this position that our son is better off without him.

He could be lying about her being pregnant and even if she is pregnant the baby isn't born yet for my son to have any bond or connection with him/her.

HappyMJ

ElizabethMcdubh wrote: »

If his dad serves 6 months then the baby will either be just born or 1-2 weeks away from being born. Would the courts allow contact to resume straight wy between my son and his fathers?

Probably not and any contact may be supervised if he's been convicted of intent to supply a controlled drug.

wildincrawley

No, of course you do not sound awful!

I was just trying to suggest, think rationally about what is best for the child, which is not always the same as what your emotions are telling you.

If his father is incapable of understanding that him dealing drugs is not good for his kid, it is even more important that you think through what is best for him, even if it includes maintaining some sort of relationship somehow with said father.

I also think that in family matters, "judge" (in both senses, actually) should be the last resort.

CH27

ElizabethMcdubh wrote: »

I'm sure she's a lovely person I just don't think she should have contact with my son without his father present.

I think that if he was careless enough to get his self in this position that our son is better off without him.

He could be lying about her being pregnant and even if she is pregnant the baby isn't born yet for my son to have any bond or connection with him/her.

Don't ruin your son's relationship with his dad. Children need their dads.

Alikay

ElizabethMcdubh wrote: »

If his dad serves 6 months then the baby will either be just born or 1-2 weeks away from being born. Would the courts allow contact to resume straight wy between my son and his fathers?

I don't know - depends on whether the courts think ex is a risk to DS, and whether they consider contact to be in the child's interests. Contact could also change to supervised contact dependent on whether courts think this would be better (for example, if your ex tends to associate with drug users who may call at house when DS is there)

ElizabethMcdubh

wildincrawley wrote: »

No, of course you do not sound awful!

I was just trying to suggest, think rationally about what is best for the child, which is not always the same as what your emotions are telling you.

If his father is incapable of understanding that him dealing drugs is not good for his kid, it is even more important that you think through what is best for him, even if it includes maintaining some sort of relationship somehow with said father.

I also think that in family matters, "judge" (in both senses, actually) should be the last resort.

I agree the courts should be last option but I know it will come to that when I say no.

I said no to Friday - sunday overnight contact and he took me straight to court .

He says he was selling drugs for somebody who pressured him into doing it, the courts gave him a small sentence because they believed he may have been intimidated to do it but regardless they still charged him with possession and intent to supply so to me that's enough, if the courts convicted him regardless then he was foolish and maybe he should have reported the person intimidating him or found a way out or perhaps told me and stopped contact with our son until he felt he could resume a safe contact order with him

Ms_Chocaholic

I think the lack of any contact with his father's family will have a detrimental impact on your son if you do not allow this to continue in some form whilst he is in prison. I'm not suggesting that your son goes to visit hsi dad in prison but I think contact should remain with his paternal family.

Rather than staying with his stepmum, which I think is the most logical thing to do as that is I presume where he stays when he used to visit, could he stay with grandparents/aunts/uncles.