Ex sent to prison and wants his wife to continue with our contact order!

michelle2008

How well do you know this lady? Instead of sending him on his own why not go with him for visits for a while? See what she is like with him - whether you are comfortable with how she treats your little boy and the new baby?

It will also allow you to get to know the new baby - hopefully your sons new sibling with be part of his life for a very long time.

To be honest I wouldn't be comfortable sends him there on his own - but this keeps the contact up?

Person_one

ElizabethMcdubh wrote: »

I'm sure she's a lovely person I just don't think she should have contact with my son without his father present.

Why not? Is there any risk to him? Is it really in his best interests to suddenly cut him off from an adult who has been in his life for as long as he can remember and who presumably loves him?

I know this is a horrible situation for you, and a big shock, but its not really about what you want or what suits you. Its all about what's the right thing for your son.

She's probably spent some time with him without his father present during their contact weekends anyway.

ElizabethMcdubh

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

I think the lack of any contact with his father's family will have a detrimental impact on your son if you do not allow this to continue in some form whilst he is in prison. I'm not suggesting that your son goes to visit hsi dad in prison but I think contact should remain with his paternal family.

Rather than staying with his stepmum, which I think is the most logical thing to do as that is I presume where he stays when he used to visit, could he stay with grandparents/aunts/uncles.

His mum is an alcoholic and our son doesn't see his fathers family often enough for me to feel comfortable doing that

Our son calls his dad's wife's mother Nan, he has a good relationship with her and doesn't know she isn't his real nan but again there is NO genetic link and she has no parental responsibility. I feel that this is all a big thing for his wife and wife's family to continue contact with our son, however nice that May sound I don't agree that it should happen without his father present.

ElizabethMcdubh

Person_one wrote: »

Why not? Is there any risk to him? Is it really in his best interests to suddenly cut him off from an adult who has been in his life for as long as he can remember and who presumably loves him?

I know this is a horrible situation for you, and a big shock, but its not really about what you want or what suits you. Its all about what's the right thing for your son.

She's probably spent some time with him without his father present during their contact weekends anyway.

She has spent a lot of time with him without his father present and I have raised this before. I have said I do not feel this is beneficial for our son.

Ms_Chocaholic

Lots of fathers have contact with their children and don't have PR.

Whether your son has a genetic link or not, he has an emotional link to these people which you must understand and to cut them out of his life for a year I don't think is fair on your son.

I'm sure lots of people have contact with your son but just because they have no legal rights in respect of them it doesn't mean they don't care.

ElizabethMcdubh

michelle2008 wrote: »

How well do you know this lady? Instead of sending him on his own why not go with him for visits for a while? See what she is like with him - whether you are comfortable with how she treats your little boy and the new baby?

It will also allow you to get to know the new baby - hopefully your sons new sibling with be part of his life for a very long time.

To be honest I wouldn't be comfortable sends him there on his own - but this keeps the contact up?

Iv met her once and that was in court! I don't know her and although she has personally messages me 8 months ago and asked to meet I said maybe one day as I don't feel the need for us to be friends.

I have my life and partner and family with our son and my ex has the same, I don't think I need to meet her and maintain any kind of relationship, why should I, it's not natural to be friends with your ex partners new partner regardless of marriage and children, he is our son so we deal with each other and parent between us, no partners need to be involved!

Ms_Chocaholic

Does your partner ever have unsupervised contact with your son?

Person_one

ElizabethMcdubh wrote: »

She has spent a lot of time with him without his father present and I have raised this before. I have said I do not feel this is beneficial for our son.

Why not? Apart from the fact that it means he isn't seeing his dad as much as he could, what harm is being done? Do you have genuine concerns about his safety with his stepmum or do you just not like the idea?

Do you have a new partner?

bluenoseam

I'd be stopping the contact order completely - he was convicted of drug dealing, which is in it's own right a serious offence, he claims he was pressured into it which makes it worse. I say this as someone who's not a parent, but there's no chance in hell I'd be allowing any child of mine around ANYONE who is a convicted dealer, far less one who's already under pressure. That's an unsafe environment at best, at worst it's a recipe for disaster.

I generally stick up for Dads, but in this case I can't - he's a convicted dealer for pete's sake, that's a major alarm bell ringing loud & clear!

Person_one

I see that you do have a partner, does he never have your son without you being there then? While you work/shop/socialise/have a hobby/whatever?