Ex sent to prison and wants his wife to continue with our contact order!

ElizabethMcdubh

Hey everyone,

I'm looking for some advice really. 6 months ago my ex took me to court to get a contact order for our son. He was granted every other weekend with half way collection and drop off ( we each travel 45 miles and meet on the Friday and again on the Sunday)


I have just received a letter from my sons father that says he is in jail! He has been sentenced to 2 years but he will only serve 1 year, possibly only 6 months with an early release with a 6month tag. He has been convicted of selling drugs for somebody else and it's his first offence so that is why he has received a small sentence.


My ex is newly married to his wife who is 11 weeks pregnant with their first child, he has been with her since our son was 9 months old and he is due to be 4 next week.


My ex is asking that his contact order remains in place for his wife to continue to travel and have contact with our son and he also states that his family and her family who our son has grown up with still need contact with him, he has also said that he would like to consider the possibility of his wife taking our son once a month to visit him, he says his not sure how he feels about that yet but it's a possibility.


I'm looking for advice on how to handle the matter really. Personally I want to have the contact order revoked and when his released in the future he will have to start from fresh and take me back to court.


If my son is to continue contact with his wife and not even be visiting him in prison I don't see why I should allow this woman 4 nights a month with my son but on the other hand if my ex was to say he wants our son to visit him I personally don't think it's acceptable for a 4 year old to be visiting a jail!


I know that he will order his wife to make a court application to continue the contact order if I say no. I'm wondering if anyone has any previous or similar experience or any advice on what I should expect the outcome to be if he/she takes me back to court.


Also would my ex be allowed to go straight back to having his every other weekend contact with our son once his released from jail?


Thanks in advance

Elizabeth.

wildincrawley

Think about what is right for your son first, then think about whether you can negotiate that without paying courts and lawyers.

For example, do you want your son to have a relationship with his father?

martinthebandit

wildincrawley wrote: »

Think about what is right for your son first, then think about whether you can negotiate that without paying courts and lawyers.

For example, do you want your son to have a relationship with his father?

Is the right answer.

McKneff

Personally I would keep the order going. She is in effect your sons step mother and this new baby will be its half sibling.


I think it would be good for him to keep contact, then its not such a shock in a years time going to someone who he has half forgotten and with a new baby too.


Just my take on it.

Seanymph

His wife has a relationship with your son too - he is going to 'lose' his dad in a way I'm sure he won't understand, so any continuity is great surely?

What an awesome woman that she is prepared to carry on the commitment!

CH27

I would say yes to continued contact as he will bond with his new half sibling.
I would be very dubious about a 4 yr old prison visiting though.

HappyMJ

His wife has no right to see your child if his father is in prison.

He does have a right to contact when he is released but you can easily apply to the court to vary that if you feel that is the right thing to do regarding the nature of his conviction.

Children do visit prisons but you really need to speak to the support services available to you to see if it is in the best interests of the child.

Personally, I'd encourage him to write letters to his son from prison and try and get him to write a letter at least once a week. They get a few free stamps or an allowance to be able to do this to keep in contact with family.

If it's just a one off thing doing this favour for a mate I hope he's learnt his lesson. Probation and the police will now be keeping a close eye on him from now on and if he's caught again he'll be spending much longer inside.

ElizabethMcdubh

I personally just think this is the way it's to be between separated parents. I do understand that our son has other family with his dad but maybe his dad should have considered that before he done what he done!

Yes his wife is our sons step mother and is happy to continue the commitment but she isn't a real parent and he isn't her biological son so why should she be allowed this time with him, if their child was born and our son had a relationship with he/she then it would be different because there would then be a genetic link for her to continue the contact with him

I probably sound awful but to me this is my opinion and the way I see it, I'm just wondering if it's reasonable to feel the way I do and how do you think a judge would see it?

Thanks off all your answers : )

Person_one

ElizabethMcdubh wrote: »

I personally just think this is the way it's to be between separated parents. I do understand that our son has other family with his dad but maybe his dad should have considered that before he done what he done!

Yes his wife is our sons step mother and is happy to continue the commitment but she isn't a real parent and he isn't her biological son so why should she be allowed this time with him, if their child was born and our son had a relationship with he/she then it would be different because there would then be a genetic link for her to continue the contact with him

I probably sound awful but to me this is my opinion and the way I see it, I'm just wondering if it's reasonable to feel the way I do and how do you think a judge would see it?

Thanks off all your answers : )

Maybe a good compromise can be found where your son maintains a relationship with his stepmum for continuity (for his benefit, not hers remember!) but she doesn't have him quite as much as his dad would have?

His dad's about to vanish, I don't think it would be a good idea to have another stable adult from his life suddenly vanish too.

Alikay

Perhaps your ex thinks contact with his new wife during the pregnancy will help to build a bond between your DS and the new baby, rather than him being presented with a baby of a few months old when his dad is released?

ElizabethMcdubh

Person_one wrote: »

Maybe a good compromise can be found where your son maintains a relationship with his stepmum for continuity (for his benefit, not hers remember!) but she doesn't have him quite as much as his dad would have?

His dad has him every other weekend 5pm - 5pm because we live 115 miles apart so it's not reasonable for just one over night stay per visit, it would be to much for my son to travel all that way for one night his only 4 : /