Ex sent to prison and wants his wife to continue with our contact order!

mountainofdebt

ElizabethMcdubh wrote: »

I do not know her well enough to not trust her, all I know is she has no children if her own so she doesn't know what it's like to be a real mother. No matter how much she can understand and love my son at the end of the day he is my son and I have to do what I feel is best, I don't think it's best for him to visit prison and I don't think he should spend a year of every other weekend with her without his dad, he won't understand. He associates her with his dad?...

It would depend on the crime he committed, we are not talking a parking offence we are discussing being imprisoned for possession with intent to supply that's a whole different thing, I would leave my partner if that's the life he chose that's no good for me or my son!

So the issue is then you don't like her?

Just come out and say it and stop this farce of saying that she's not a mother or she doesn't know what it is like to be a real mother.

wildincrawley

ElizabethMcdubh wrote: »

Il explain his father was selfish and sold drugs il then explain I done what I thought was the best thing for him & his future......

I promise you, at some point in his teenage years he would want to know his father. If you try to stop that relationship now, at some point he will realize that and resent you for it, teenagers are not stupid.

I agree with you on some of the details, like prison visits may be not for 4 year olds, if he can see his dad in 6 months anyway maybe letters and photos would be good? But generally working out how to maintain a relationship with his father, and by default his new family, will be best for the boy.

However he is less than 12 years from choosing where to live and when to visit his father, what picture do you have in your mind for your son and his father and his father's family at that stage? Presumably you expect him to have some kind of relationship with your new partner's family? Why would you not want the same for your son and his father?

mountainofdebt

ElizabethMcdubh wrote: »

If she wasn't his wife and wasn't carrying his child would any of you view this situation differently?

But she is on both counts so that doesn't even come into the equation.

wildincrawley

ElizabethMcdubh wrote: »

Precisely how I feel, however would a judge agree being that his known her since he was 9 months old, she has no criminal convictions and is a connection to my sons paternal family and she is also my sons dad wife and 11 weeks pregnant with a half sibling.

To me it sounds like she has a good build up for why the contact should stay in place but just because it looks good on paper why does that mean it should happen!

!

Why shouldn't it? From the point of view of best interests of the child?

System

Speaking as someone who's parents hate each other (as you certainly seem to feel towards your ex right now) it's really not had a positive impact on my life, my mum never said a bad word against my dad but my dad had plenty to say against my mum and now we don't even speak

Be careful how you proceed for your sons sake

ElizabethMcdubh

mountainofdebt wrote: »

So the issue is then you don't like her?

Just come out and say it and stop this farce of saying that she's not a mother or she doesn't know what it is like to be a real mother.

I don't know her to like her, if I'm honest in the past I may have viewed her negatively because for a year and a half before I got with my partner I had to accept I was a single mother and there was a new woman in my sons life, having said that I don't think like that anymore. I genuinely don't see a reason for me and her to communicate nor should my partner and ex do that. As someone pointed out my son has two families and that's how it should be there's no need for us to interact as one big family!

I feel that we separated and I took full responsibility of out son and my ex has access that's just how these things go, if he is unable to resume contact with him then why should his wife have contact for a year without him present I just can't get my head around that... No matter what you all think of me at the end of the day I am a mother and I love my son and everything I do is for my son and his best interest

ElizabethMcdubh

wildincrawley wrote: »

I promise you, at some point in his teenage years he would want to know his father. If you try to stop that relationship now, at some point he will realize that and resent you for it, teenagers are not stupid.

I agree with you on some of the details, like prison visits may be not for 4 year olds, if he can see his dad in 6 months anyway maybe letters and photos would be good? But generally working out how to maintain a relationship with his father, and by default his new family, will be best for the boy.

However he is less than 12 years from choosing where to live and when to visit his father, what picture do you have in your mind for your son and his father and his father's family at that stage? Presumably you expect him to have some kind of relationship with your new partner's family? Why would you not want the same for your son and his father?

I do want that but unfortunately only one of us can have full responsibility specially with the distance. His father can have contact but a reasonable amount, however he has messed all that up by going to jail..

My sons safty is now in question and how can I trust that's ex won't sell drugs again, what if he ends up in jail again letting my son down a final time. Why should he be given the opportunity to do that to him again

ElizabethMcdubh

mountainofdebt wrote: »

But she is on both counts so that doesn't even come into the equation.

I just want to know would you all have Strong opinions as you do now... Anyone can get pregnant, I can go to the town hall tomorrow and get married..

I'm not saying that to be negative to her in anyway at all I wish them a happy life I'm just pointing out that why should the situation be viewed differently simply because she's his wife and not his girlfriend of 3 years..

ElizabethMcdubh

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

Me too.
This thread was pointless. The OP had her mind made up before posting. Wasting all our time.

TROLL !

I'm sorry that you feel that way, I was hoping that if I came here someone would offer personal experience and perhaps make me view it from a different light.

Instead I feel some people are calling me a bad person and writing me off because I have concerns and telling me that because they are married it's ok for her to continue his fathers role and assume contact!

duchy

I can't help but wonder how many people would allow their own child to go to play and have sleepovers at the home of someone with a conviction for selling drugs.

Bottom line is regardless of the OP's feelings towards her ex and his new wife-she only has his word for it that he was "forced" and if he was so powerless to avoid getting into the situation -what is to stop the situation happening again? What if these people want to put a meth lab in his loft - would be feel forced to allow them to ?

Over my dead body would I allow my child to stay with someone so powerless to protect their own child.