Ex sent to prison and wants his wife to continue with our contact order!

Georgiegirl256

ElizabethMcdubh wrote: »

I'm sorry that you feel that way, I was hoping that if I came here someone would offer personal experience and perhaps maker view it from a different light.

Instead I feel some people are calling me a bad person and writing me off because I have concerns!

People have offered you many different views, and each time you trot out the same line again and again. What was the point of this thread exactly, if you'd already made your mind up before you even asked?

rachiibell

ElizabethMcdubh wrote: »

Il explain his father was selfish and sold drugs il then explain I done what I thought was the best thing for him & his future......

So you'll try and turn your son against his father? Nice one!

You'll either end up with a son with a massive chip on his shoulder who hates his dad or he'll realise that you've manipulated him and hate you instead. :T

snapping_crocodile

Hi OP. I don't have any personal experience of this but I do often work with families in your situation. Your ex's wife has no parental responsiblity for your son. The contact order is for father and son, not step mum also. If they split up she wouldn't also have contact with your son. If contact continued and your son had an accident whilst with step mum, she has no right to consent to hospital treatment. If it was life threatening doctors would consent for him, but still....I would speak to your solicitor as if you say no, you are effectively breaching a court order and can be charged for this, as my brother in law was in this position recently. However it is not as simple as you stopping dads overnight contact if he is in prison, so you need someone knowledgeable to guide you on your options. I agree about children visiting parents in prison, I'm not keen on the idea. Could son have telephone contact with dad whilst he is in prison, and you both agree on a story to explain dad's absence?

FBaby

My view is, your son's life won't be ruined if he doesn't see his pregnant step-mother for 6 months. At this age, they get used to people coming and going in their lives and adapt easily. When my ex first broke up with his partner out of the blue, my kids were not bothered and didn't miss her even though they liked her and had got used to her.

The way I see it, if it matters a lot to HER (and not your ex) that she keeps in touch with your son, I would expect HER to make contact with you and discuss how to arrange it and be prepared to do quite some travelling if not all (yes even pregnant, at least to start with). In your shoes, that would show to me that she is committed to a relationship with your son and would find this reassuring.

However, it is not for YOU to make that effort. Your responsibility is to facilitate access to his dad. At the moment, he has put himself in a situation that means you can't facilitate this. What you can do though is explain to your son in appropriate language why he can't see his dad for some time but that it will happen again as soon as his dad is allowed.

duchy

I do think as Dad seems to think he'll only be serving six months agreeing to concoct a story that he's working away and keeping the relationship going with calls and letters might be a better way. If this really is a case of a law abiding man having made a mistake then his son would never have to know his Dad went to prison- which the Dad may find a persuasive argument. I can't imagine anyone wanting a child of that age to see their Dad in prison-and as it is a relatively short sentence and access is supposed to benefit the child not the parent a decent solicitor could make a good case to get the court to vary the court order.

As for the wife- she has no legal right to access. The court order is not in her name and the father has no right to appoint a proxy whilst he is unavailable. It'd mean a new court order and odds are not worth it as by the time it got to court he'd be out anyway -and on such weak grounds she'd not get the order anyway most likely.

Once the Dad has thought it through he may very well not want his son to see him there and also not want his wife travelling whilst pregnant ( and who is to say she wants the extra work of driving and looking after a child solo when pregnant-she may just be trying to appease him at this point ).

I do think the OP needs to get past her negativity about this woman and pick up the phone and have a talk with her -She doesn't need to be her friend but simply to talk about the options and what is best for the child. Who knows they may both be on the same page with this - she won't know until she tries.

Shineyhappy

I think there are too many comments from parents and no voices of
children who have been in similar situations.

There is currently one reason for you to play happy families with your ex and his wife, soon to be two and in the future your grandkids and DIL could provide other reasons.

How will you feel on your childs wedding day when they are upset because they dont know what the atmosphere will be like between everyone? Or when you don't get to spend special occasions with your child because they are with your ex?

You should put your child first and you aren't. You are putting yourself first.

I couldnt have both parents at my wedding and I wouldnt have been able to have them together at any occasion so everyone looses out. I would make them take it in turns and I doubt this is what you will want.

Why dont you meet the step mum for a day a month and spend the day together once a month?

Morglin

I would phone his wife, and have a chat.

I wouldn't be letting a four year old away to stay with someone I don't know, and I wouldn't be letting him make a prison visit.

He's too young and vulnerable.

But, you do need to get to know the wife, if she looks like being a permanent fixture, so, perhaps she could visit your son at your house?

The story about bring 'forced' to drug deal by a gang he hadn't even spoken to, sounds wrong as well - these gangs have plenty of volunteers to sell drugs, and don't usually force random strangers to do it!

So, I would be wary of letting dad have unsupervised access as well, until you are clear there are no drugs involved anywhere.

Lin

Daxx

What if you turned the whole arguement you are making on its head.

What if it was your partner who had been sentenced and he had asked that you still keep contact with his son, your son's step brother, to maintain the relationship with his family.

Would you refuse to do it as you feel that he would be better with his mother than with his 2nd family?

Noz

ElizabethMcdubh wrote: »

What I mean is I don't think it would be detrimental. His very young and adapting to a new life which he is excited about

That's a very dangerous assumption to make.

adouglasmhor

ElizabethMcdubh wrote: »

If his dad serves 6 months then the baby will either be just born or 1-2 weeks away from being born. Would the courts allow contact to resume straight wy between my son and his fathers?

The courts original decision has not changed, so you would have to try to get the court to change it, if you felt it needed changing.