Ex sent to prison and wants his wife to continue with our contact order!

Pthree

Noz wrote: »

That's a very dangerous assumption to make.

I agree with this, my god-daughter's son is 4 and hasn't seen his Dad for over 1 1/2 years (in and out of prison generally a deadbeat) but he still thinks the sun shines out of his Dad's backside and regularly has outbursts / tantrums / cries about wanting his Dad, it's heartbreaking

Clutterfree

Seems to me you want your son all to yourself 100% and this is the excuse you've been waiting for.

I think it's lovely that the step mum wants to maintain contact with your son. Some step parents might use it as an excuse to cease responsibility for a bit but she isn't.

The reason you don't know her was YOUR choice. Are you jealous of her?

I also think you won't be satisfied until your son has zero contact with his fathers side of the family.

I am giving your ex the benefit of the doubt here considering his conviction. The fact that his sentence is so lenient makes me think the judge believes him. If he ever did anything like that again, then it would be an entirely different matter.

You've mentioned the word "selfish"and "strop" several times, if the cap fits...

Mojisola

ElizabethMcdubh wrote: »

He probably would mention them and then get over it eventually specially as he has a new life with me my partner and his new step brother his happy and healthy here!

ElizabethMcdubh wrote: »

Our son calls his dad's wife's mother Nan, he has a good relationship with her and doesn't know she isn't his real nan but again there is NO genetic link and she has no parental responsibility.

So your son is going to have a lovely life with your partner and his son even though neither of them have any genetic link with him but he shouldn't he allowed to continue the relationship he has with his step-mother and his step-Nan?

sacha28

My goodness OP you sound incredibly bitter, did your ex leave you for his current wife??

As a step-parent myself I can understand her desire to continue contact, she has been there for basically his whole life and they have an emotional connection, as I have with my step-daughter. I would be devastated if we just had contact severed, as would her brother (my LB) as we are the same as any other family when she visits.

You are making yourself sound very much like my partner's ex, any excuse to use your son as a weapon.

I look after my step-daughter when my OH works. Just because his daughter is down doesn't mean that he has to stay at home. He only sees her in the school holidays since she moved 400 miles away and he doesn't have enough annual leave to cover every holiday. This is just the way life is and, despite being one of the most bitter and twisted women I have ever come across, his ex understands this and knows her daughter is safe and happy in my care.

There are many quotes I could pull out of your posts that could come across as you just being bitter, but I don't know how to multi-quote.

I agree that prison is no place for a child but I don't agree that just because they have no genetics between them, your son and stepmum shouldn't continue a relationship. That just reeks of nasty.

freshstart11

If I may come in on this from a different angle?

I am a step mother of 3 kids, my soon to be ex husbands! He is not in his sons life at all anymore, however as I was a part DSD life before the separation it was agreed that to continue the consistency in the childs life I would still see him. Also my DSD who DO (when he can be bothered) see his dad, still consider me their step mum.

I separated from him a while ago and all of us (me and mums) are on good terms because it was for the wellbeing of the kids.

I feel you are looking for an excuse to stop the step mother because you don't know here/ odnt want to know her.
BUT she is part of your sons life and future mother of sons siblings so I feel SOME contact should continue. If your child has a good relationship with her, why punish that?

Just my opinion FWIW

Mojisola

ElizabethMcdubh wrote: »

Precisely how I feel, however would a judge agree being that his known her since he was 9 months old, she has no criminal convictions and is a connection to my sons paternal family and she is also my sons dad wife and 11 weeks pregnant with a half sibling.

I don't know how you can write that and not see that it's important for your son to maintain his links with his other family!

ElizabethMcdubh wrote: »

I don't know her to like her, if I'm honest in the past I may have viewed her negatively because for a year and a half before I got with my partner I had to accept I was a single mother and there was a new woman in my sons life, having said that I don't think like that anymore.

I genuinely don't see a reason for me and her to communicate nor should my partner and ex do that. As someone pointed out my son has two families and that's how it should be there's no need for us to interact as one big family!

It doesn't sound as if you have got over the fact that your ex moved on while you were still single.

There's a massive difference between refusing to speak to your son's step-mother and interacting as one family! It is in your son's best interests that you behave like a rational adult and accept that some basic communication is going to be inevitable between you and his step-mother.

GeorgiaXo

OMFG!!!!!! What were the chances that I found this! I had to make an account and write a post..

I am in fact the wife of Elizabeth's ex and fathers son, I'm absolutely astonished that i have found this online! Of course liz is well within her rights to seek advice but perhaps you should have contacted me and had an adult discussion about this instead of once again bouncing my name off every wall possible!!

I'm lost for words! But I'm not surprised! How you have even written a post to say you don't want my husband in his sons life ever again is shocking! Everybody makes mistakes and deserves a second chance.

Right now Im absolutely greatfull for the British justice and courts system because no matter how bitter you are, it will not be your final word that has a say in wether T sees his son again. I'm in so much shock right now!

GeorgiaXo

Mojisola wrote: »

I don't know how you can write that and not see that it's important for your son to maintain his links with his other family!



It doesn't sound as if you have got over the fact that your ex moved on while you were still single.

There's a massive difference between refusing to speak to your son's step-mother and interacting as one family! It is in your son's best interests that you behave like a rational adult and accept that some basic communication is going to be inevitable between you and his step-mother.

I have reached out to liz personally after two years of being slated by text message to my husband. I sat back quietly and didn't want to interfere so I bit my tongue. On atleast 5 occasions my husband has been so fed up of liz saying I see son to much or I shouldn't do this and I shouldn't do that his offered/ told her to meet me and get to know me and it's never happened!! I personally asked if liz would like to meet me and get to know me and she responded saying maybe one day!

Liz won't meet me because once she has then it's offical, she has to accept me as I'm a good person and she doesn't want to accept me!

gocurlygirl

115 miles is not too far to go there and back even in one day if transport is o k,I have done it regularly to see family.
Our family is, like so many, full of step family members.I had a good relationship with step father,and now a good relationship with step mum-I really love them,and step sister and step brother.
It is later in life that I found it hard to revisit past and think that to have some contact with step mum and possibly/maybe dad even in prison(could you tell son dads in a special hospital)would be better for the child as he grows up.Could you take him to see his dad?or both of you.It is hard but putting the children first for all of you is the best way.

duchy

I do think many women find it hard to accept that another woman can "mother" their child even if it is only during access weekends- especially if they feel the step mother has "replaced" them -I think the OP mentioned she was single for quite a while after he moved on with his new relationship. I also think many women feel that they get to do the "hard" parenting whilst the Dad gets all the good bits at weekends -and is the "fun parent" and if there is already unhappiness it fuels bitterness.

The drug conviction would raise doubts with many parents. My ex is a good Dad (a rubbish partner as his subsequent girlfriends also discovered however) but if he had been stupid enough to get involved in the kind of scenario the OP described I'd have gone ballistic and wouldn't have allowed my son into his home environment without some pretty good proof that whatever had left him (and his family) vulnerable to whatever influences were at play no longer existed.

My protective instincts over my son would outweigh anything else .

One thing I noticed is that the OP used the expression that he ordered his wife to be his proxy with regard to access - and this latest post above says that he also "told" his ex wife to meet the new wife. This sounds awfully controlling -and a bit at odds with the frightened man forced to carry drugs scenario. If my ex had tried to "order" me to meet his new partner he'd have got told where to get off . He has the right to ask but I have no longer any wifely duty to obey just because he wants it that way. There is no need for a mother and step mother to meet- a father is more than capable of handling pick ups and drop offs and any communication required. It is unfortunate that this man has put himself in a situation which means he is unable to fufill this responsibility -and presumably also puts the current level of access at risk if the mother chooses to go back to court and asks say for supervised access because of the drug conviction. I also cannot imagine why a father would WANT to subject a child to prison visits might be nice for Dad but pretty hard on the child.

With all this ordering and telling I'm wondering if the Dad is a bit on the controlling side and the OP is perhaps reacting by not saying "How high" when he says "jump" simply because now she's divorced-she can. I don't think it has got much to do with not eventually meeting the second wife but more about not doing it because he is demanding she does.

Maybe with him not trying or able to pull their strings this might be a chance for both women to meet on their own terms rather than his though.