Verbal agreement child custody - now ex wants more custody?

d4d74

GobbledyGook wrote: »

If you have concerns, the school have concerns and even your ex's own family have expressed safety concerns then why are you faffing about being picky over a weekend or whatever?

Why is it not YOU speaking to a solicitor about how you bring your children to live with you and sorting access for your ex?

Either the safety concerns are there and YOU need to do more to protect your children's long-term welfare or they are not there and therefore they are irrelevant.

I have spoken to a solicitor, and she told me unfortunately even if one parent does all this kind of stuff to their children, unless its alcohol or sexual/physical abuse then nothing can be done UNTIL the Cinderella law http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-26814427 may come into effect next year. She advised me to pick the girls up in the week, as she said that there is no law stopping me doing this. I disagree with this because it would be the first time the girls would see tension between their two parents, and it would damage them imho. I would rather go to mediation to resolve, but my ex-partner just prefers sending me nasty solicitor letters but the school are sorting something out now, as they are tired of the fiasco my ex-partner has started.


Also I'm not faffing about being picky? how do you mean, my ex-partner wants their daddy to see them 4 days a month, and is doing it in a threatening manner via solicitors, but like the previous poster says, solicitors merely type up her words, put it in a letter, then charge her £300 for the service. It means absolutely nothing what they threaten myself and I've known that since day one as CAB office solicitor read all their letters and dismissed them.

elsien

But if she refuses mediation, you can't make her do it.
Then you have to look at what alternatives you have, which is probably court. Rather than letting the situation drag on and on with you suggesting mediation and her refusing it, you need to be pro-active. Otherwise you may find the ex arguing that contact has gone on so long as it is that the girl's are now happy with the arrangement.

FBaby

How long have you been with your new partner? Have you even spoken to her about having your girls 7 out of 14 days? Is she happy with this? Would you be able to carry out every single parent duty without relying on your partner?

Having shared care require even more interraction and good relationship between the parents than the standard care. The fact that your partner seems to be having an issue with you interacting pleasantly with your ex would ring serious alarm bell with me and make me wonder whether she is really ready to share you with the two most important people in your life.

Confusedandneedhelp

d4d74 wrote: »

I have spoken to a solicitor, and she told me unfortunately even if one parent does all this kind of stuff to their children, unless its alcohol or sexual/physical abuse then nothing can be done UNTIL the Cinderella law http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-26814427 may come into effect next year. She advised me to pick the girls up in the week, as she said that there is no law stopping me doing this. I disagree with this because it would be the first time the girls would see tension between their two parents, and it would damage them imho. I would rather go to mediation to resolve, but my ex-partner just prefers sending me nasty solicitor letters but the school are sorting something out now, as they are tired of the fiasco my ex-partner has started.


Also I'm not faffing about being picky? how do you mean, my ex-partner wants their daddy to see them 4 days a month, and is doing it in a threatening manner via solicitors, but like the previous poster says, solicitors merely type up her words, put it in a letter, then charge her £300 for the service. It means absolutely nothing what they threaten myself and I've known that since day one as CAB office solicitor read all their letters and dismissed them.

Your solicitor is an idiot then. If you have concerns, you pick up your children and you do not return them. Thats if you have LEGITIMATE and REAL concerns.

As i said, at the moment she has no reason to go to court. Either you give her a reason. Or you go to court.

She has refused mediation, u will get more than that with a court order. Still dont see whats stopping you?

GobbledyGook

d4d74 wrote: »

I have spoken to a solicitor, and she told me unfortunately even if one parent does all this kind of stuff to their children, unless its alcohol or sexual/physical abuse then nothing can be done UNTIL the Cinderella law http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-26814427 may come into effect next year. She advised me to pick the girls up in the week, as she said that there is no law stopping me doing this. I disagree with this because it would be the first time the girls would see tension between their two parents, and it would damage them imho. I would rather go to mediation to resolve, but my ex-partner just prefers sending me nasty solicitor letters but the school are sorting something out now, as they are tired of the fiasco my ex-partner has started.


Also I'm not faffing about being picky? how do you mean, my ex-partner wants their daddy to see them 4 days a month, and is doing it in a threatening manner via solicitors, but like the previous poster says, solicitors merely type up her words, put it in a letter, then charge her £300 for the service. It means absolutely nothing what they threaten myself and I've known that since day one as CAB office solicitor read all their letters and dismissed them.

I don't understand the need to go on about this new law. You don't actually have to be breaking the law to lose custody of your children. There is a huge difference between when police would get involved and say a crime had been committed and when a family court judge would say that the children would be better off with their other parent.

Plus family courts can put together all the little pieces - the neglect, the lack of interest in the education, the attempts to harm relationship with their father, the lack of putting the children first, the concerns of extended family etc etc. If that is all there they can use that. You don't (and certainly shouldn't) wait until such a point that your ex is breaking the law.


The school can't sort everything. YOU have to sort it.

If you think that the damage of seeing tension between you would be so bad you won't consider collecting your girls and you haven't taken the steps after offering mediation then either you can't be that concerned or you also need to reassess your priorities imo. If your ex is as bad as you've made her out to be then you should be taking the next step, and the next one, to protect your children - not trying not to cause a row (when your ex is more than happy to have one so your children are probably already very aware of the tensions).