Verbal agreement child custody - now ex wants more custody?

RAS

Hi

You need to at least start to understand the legal terms.

Custody is the old word referring to who the children live with most of the time and makes decisions about their day to day life. And based on what you say your ex has "custody" or is the parent with care (PWC) as she gets the child benefit and rents the property where they are accomodated.

Sometime parents are granted joint custody even if the children live mostly with the parent with their PWC.

Contact refers to the arrangments for the childrne to spend time with the non-resident parent

d4d74

Confusedandneedhelp wrote: »

Are u logging these letters? Proof of postage?

She doesn't have to go to mediation. And the school will not use cafcas, the courts do that. But u need evidence that u have offered mediation.

How can she afford this solicitor?

Yes I have all the letters and proof, I also have kept all evidence of things like her not letting her in her house because they had a falling out, so she barred her mum from seeing the children for 2 months until I contacted my ex-partner and said if you don't let your mum see the children she will have a solicitor on to you! - I still have all these texts. I just feel that once she has more custody, she will hatch another new plan and gradually the children will become 'corrupted'. I think my biggest concern recently is that my eldest told me about an incident with her new partner, but I'm not going into great detail as the school are dealing with it through caf?.

FBaby

I realise this but when I pick up the eldest on a Friday we go swimming until dinner time on occasions, if I ask my eldest what did she do after school in the week its the same 'watch tv and play on ipad' until bedtime. I ask what mummy does and she says that she sits on her ipad aswell.

Even better reason to suggest having them one or two evenings a week. Your suggestion of a week with you and a week with her is great and can work very well, the problem is if she agrees to this, she most likely will lose out quite a lot financially in terms of tax credits, child maintenance (which I assume you currently pay her). It is terrible to use the children access for finances, but if she is struggling currently, the prospect of somehow managing with less (yet proportionally not that fewer costs) is going to be a real issue for her.

Access she might agree to that could possibly suit you:
- every other week-end starting Friday evening, finishing Monday morning, so you do have them for almost three days + Wednesday evenings/Thursday morning, and/or maybe the week you don't have them the week-end, you have them Tuesday evenings/Wed morning and thursday evening/Friday morning
- You have them once a week in the evening/morning + every Friday evenings and Saturday day, but one week they also stay with you Saturday evening until Sunday morning, the other they come home Saturday evening.

We have arranged the latter with my ex (except the mid-week visit), mainly because it made more sense with week-ends activities. He could do one activity every saturday with his dad, and then one activity with me every Sunday. Otherwise, he would miss out on these.

d4d74

meer53 wrote: »

OP, your ex will love her daughters just as much as you do. I know you'll find that hard to believe but it's true. You sound a little paranoid. There's so much bitterness in your posts.

Maybe I am bitter, but when you receive a letter from solicitor demanding that I see my children 4 days a month, it is quite unsettling ?


On her facebook is kids=stress=no life = no sex don't do it and why do babies cry why don't they go to f****** sleep and more rants. I just question her motive, is it for the children, or just being spiteful towards myself and my new partner? Do you think that if I sent her a letter saying I demanded that she had the girls for 4 days a month, and I have most of the custody, do you think all the mums would be up in arms? I think so...

d4d74

FBaby wrote: »

Even better reason to suggest having them one or two evenings a week. Your suggestion of a week with you and a week with her is great and can work very well, the problem is if she agrees to this, she most likely will lose out quite a lot financially in terms of tax credits, child maintenance (which I assume you currently pay her). It is terrible to use the children access for finances, but if she is struggling currently, the prospect of somehow managing with less (yet proportionally not that fewer costs) is going to be a real issue for her.

Access she might agree to that could possibly suit you:
- every other week-end starting Friday evening, finishing Monday morning, so you do have them for almost three days + Wednesday evenings/Thursday morning, and/or maybe the week you don't have them the week-end, you have them Tuesday evenings/Wed morning and thursday evening/Friday morning
- You have them once a week in the evening/morning + every Friday evenings and Saturday day, but one week they also stay with you Saturday evening until Sunday morning, the other they come home Saturday evening.

We have arranged the latter with my ex (except the mid-week visit), mainly because it made more sense with week-ends activities. He could do one activity every saturday with his dad, and then one activity with me every Sunday. Otherwise, he would miss out on these.

So you think we should share custody in the week? maybe I have them Monday-Friday and she can have them on the weekend and the following Monday to Friday, and then I can have them on the weekend and then the following Monday to Friday. Is that equal rights? or does the mum automatically get more rights by Law?


This is an interesting article about how dads are being shut out of their childrens lives what do you think ?


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2671582/Separated-mothers-not-away-Catherine-Tate-justice-ignore-dads-rights-says-Appeal-Court-judge.html

Confusedandneedhelp

d4d74 wrote: »

She moved in with her boss (whose twice her age!), he lived with his mum until she died last year and then they moved in together. She works 30 hours a week since March 2012, since she moved in with him she has quite a large income spare (I pay for all the childrens stuff at both homes).

We'll stop paying for it. Think u need ur money to actually see the kids.

Access to children and money are seperate things.

d4d74

meer53 wrote: »

You really need to be calm and allow things to take the correct course. If Cafcass are involved, they aren't really interested in who said what to who and when, they're interested in the childrens welfare and will focus on this. Unless there is any risk of harm to the children, they will listen to both sides and make fair recommendations to the courts. This usually gives fair and reasonable access to both parents.

You won't do yourself any favours by pouring out all the stuff about your ex, it just makes you look vindictive.

Ok that's very true I take your advise very wisely and you're right but when my eldest talks about calpol incident and it was all her fault, I feel that the children are being 'groomed' for a court battle. I guess I have to control my emotions and as you say just listen and give evidence when needed!


I am very happy to have the children in the week and alternate weekends but not 4 days a month..!

d4d74

Confusedandneedhelp wrote: »

We'll stop paying for it. Think u need ur money to actually see the kids.

Access to children and money are seperate things.

I drop the new clothes round to her house or her new partner is there sometimes, because the eldest tells me she has no clothes but I keep buying them, I don't know what's happening to the clothes but I just do my best. It's like last Christmas on the Friday I picked up my eldest and over the weekend I said has she written out all her xmas cards, and she said mummy wont give me any she cant afford any xmas cards. So I just did it with her and we handed them on the Monday. I just feel helpless sometimes that she can treat the girls like this, and not even bother with their homework or basic stuff. It's all started since I met my new partner. Crazy world

meer53

d4d74 wrote: »

Maybe I am bitter, but when you receive a letter from solicitor demanding that I see my children 4 days a month, it is quite unsettling ?


On her facebook is kids=stress=no life = no sex don't do it and why do babies cry why don't they go to f****** sleep and more rants. I just question her motive, is it for the children, or just being spiteful towards myself and my new partner? Do you think that if I sent her a letter saying I demanded that she had the girls for 4 days a month, and I have most of the custody, do you think all the mums would be up in arms? I think so...

You can be as bitter as you like but if Cafcass become involved (this won't be through school, i don't know where you have heard this ?) your bitterness won't help you. People can demand all they like too, but again, this won't neccessarily be how it turns out. For you, or your ex.

I am very close to someone very much like you. He demanded full custody of his 2 young children as he thought his ex wasn't a "fit mother". Cafcass, after a lengthy assessment, recommended an arrangement where the access was split equally between them, giving both parents alternate weekends. The judge agreed with them. There was no negotiation once the judge had made this decision. This person went to court with tape recordings, text messages, photo evidence, all to discredit his ex. It was all dismissed by the judge. The childrens interests are first and foremost, and as i said previously, unless there is evidence that the children would be at risk with either parent, this is the most common result. It would take something pretty major for a judge to go against Cafcass's recommendations.

Why are you looking on her Facebook page ?

d4d74

So what you're saying I should just accept her offer and see my children 4 days a month?