Should a woman (SAHM) be doing EVERYTHING in the house if she doesn't go out to work?

Spendless

Maybe I can answer this as I have an ad-hoc job and kids similar ages at 14 and 11. Some weeks like this, I work full-time. Then I either get things one in double quick time, or look at the place and long for it to roll round to a day off.

Other weeks like last, I work part time, I always work full days when I'm in but last week I worked 3 days, that is the best balance and one I'd have liked on a permanet basis but it just hasn't worked out that way.

The rest of the time i have no work. Is the place a palace during that time? is it hell! Housework 'expands' into the time you have to fill. You are 'given' more jobs by the family (or at least that's my experience) as 'you aren't doing anything this week'.

So no I don't think the weeks I'm at home husband or kids should be 'let off' duties. We all contribute to making the mess, why should just I be the one to tidy up after everyone.

Timeflies

Peter333 wrote: »

Should the husband be helping? (If only a little bit.)

Like Mojisola, I'd seriously question the bias in the word "helping" here, which suggests the housework is the wife's role, and anything the husband does is a "help."

To me a "stay at home parent" is the nominated adult staying at home to look after the children before and after school, presumably helping ensure they have their things together in the morning, hearing about their day when they get in, perhaps supervising homework etc, perhaps while a second parent is working outside the home. It does not, by definition, include any housework.

I would imagine the adults concerned have, as part of their cohabiting adult relationship, had detailed discussions about their domestic arrangements, who will do what around the house, and updated these arrangements as necessary due to any other commitments they have from time to time. It doesn't sound very healthy to "expect" a partner to do certain household tasks - frank discussion and co-operation is usually required!

Mojisola

Timeflies wrote: »

I would imagine the adults concerned have, as part of their cohabiting adult relationship, had detailed discussions about their domestic arrangements, who will do what around the house, and updated these arrangements as necessary due to any other commitments they have from time to time. It doesn't sound very healthy to "expect" a partner to do certain household tasks - frank discussion and co-operation is usually required!

I don't think this happens anywhere near enough! There's a lot of automatic expectations from both sides, depending a lot on how things where done in the families the couples grew up in.

Life would go much smoother if there was more co-operation.

I don't know how people put up with a man who "can't use a washing machine" or a women who "can't change a plug" (to use a couple of stereotypes) - adults might vary in their abilities but the majority can manage basic household tasks.

Timeflies

Another way to look at the scenario might be this:

Currently my partner and I both work full time and each do certain tasks for the benefit of the household. We are soon to have a child, who will need parental care.

Does this mean one of us will get to do less housework than we currently do? Sounds a bit counter-intuitive!:rotfl:

skintchick

thatgirlsam wrote: »

Sometimes I think I might be!!


I'm very house proud.. and keep on top of it. House is spotless when I leave for work.. don't forget there is no-one here all day to make it dirty!

Ah, yes, for me there always seems to be someone tracking dirt in even if it's just the cat! And my DD and OH can leave a trail of destruction that takes ages to clear up - every morning it takes me 45 minutes to sort the kitchen once they are off to work and school.

onlyroz wrote: »

Seriously, why would you do all of that every week, even if you have the time to? Aren't there more interesting ways you could spend your time?

I don't see the need to hoover more than once a week, possibly twice in the high throughput areas. I mop the kitchen and bathroom once a week, wipe down kitchen and bathroom surfaces after each use and do a more thorough clean every few weeks. Life's too short to spend it all cleaning, and doing so just increases your risk of asthma etc.

As for cooking - I cook most things from scratch these days. During the week I'd spend 15-30 minutes tops on prep and then 30 minutes cooking max, while I prepare the packed lunches for the next day. At the weekend we might do something more elaborate, and I might batch cook for the freezer.

Why? Because I want a clean house. I have to hoover regularly because we have a long-haired cat and there always seems to be grass, etc, getting tracked in even though we take shoes off in the porch.

Everyone has different ideas of what constitutes clean - many houses I go into I feel grubby because there are cobwebs and dust and it makes me shudder.

It's also easier to do it every week so you never have to do a major clean.

System

...depend if she has young kids to run round after but largely yes.

DevilsAdvocate1

Peter333 wrote: »

This is pretty much what I thought. My opinion is that he should help at least a bit of the time. Your post really is bang on!

Some of my workmates think their stay at home wife should be doing absolutely everything, and some of the wives end up doing twice as many hours of work/labour a week as the men!

UK Guy, it's not me that I'm talking about! As your posts and your type of faces are implying!

My wife works 18 hours a week and our kids are grown (one is 18 and still lives with us.)

Thanks for your views everyone. Seems most think that the man should be helping a bit: and as someone said, it gives a better example to the kids.

I think its good for the husband to cook and clean so if something should happen to his wife (or she returned to work), he can at least fend for himself!

There have been times when I've done most of the housework. Right now, my husband does the most. I think situations change over time.

lostinrates

onlyroz wrote: »

I don't see the need to hoover more than once a week, possibly twice in the high throughput areas. I mop the kitchen and bathroom once a week, .

No dogs?

With dogs in winter you can find your self mopping some areas many times a day.


Similarly, people with some times of cat litter will vacuum the areas there litter trays are in daily. My house would benefit from more regular vacuuming ( but it doesn't get it I'm afraid).

One of the things that made me chuckle was the advert for the cordless vacuum ATM, that has a charge of forty minutes. I'm afraid I need longer than that to vacuum the entire house. And if I ask one of the others, omg, it takes them ages.

FBaby

Believe me, if you've never been the at-home one then you have NO idea what it entails and what people expect of you "because you don't work". I work way harder than my husband but his job is the one society values.

Surely it doesn't matter what people expect, or are you talking about your family? What I have noticed is how much less children of families of a SAHM are expected to tidy after themselves and contribute.

The philosophy in our house is that it is the more you tidy and clean after yourself, the less household there is to do. They are expected to help out and contribute and I think it does them well.

tillyenna

I'm going to respond to this the same way I responded to the suggestion that men should support feminism by doing 50% of the housework...


Why can't people sit down like adults and discuss how much housework they are each willing to do in the relationship (regardless of gender) - I do all the housework at home, despite working the same hours as my other half, because that's what works for us, and what keeps us both happy - other couples, it works differently... just discuss it like grown ups!