Should a woman (SAHM) be doing EVERYTHING in the house if she doesn't go out to work?

Metranil_Vavin

Save arguments, get a cleaner.

duchy

I do think once the kids are at school the SAHM role is really more about not having to rely on childcare for after school and school holidays. That isn't a bad thing but it is a lifestyle choice and I know when I took six months off of work to stay home (house move, family issues etc) I throughly enjoyed it as it certainly was a lot easier to make my own schedule, do my jobs when I wanted them done rather than when a boss dictated I did them, had time to batch cook, shopping wasn't a mad rush at busy times and my son loved me been home. It however was a luxury -and quite self indulgent as I had time for me as well. There certainly wasn't enough to do around the house to fill the 37.5 hours a week plus travel time I'd previously dedicated to working even with extended lunch breaks and coffee breaks. I was more relaxed, fitter but if I'm honest a bit bored as the only other people around in the daytime seemed to be other SAHMs with a really narrow outlook on life. As an example - they considered me "adventurous" because training days or holidays we'd hop on the train to London (apparently it was a scary thing to do without a man in tow) or even jump on the train after school for the evening to go to the theatre or to see a TV show been taped (very MSE as tickets are free). Go to an art gallery ? "What would you want to do that for ?"

Whilst I think it can be wonderful for children to grow up knowing Mum is always there (I did myself - my Mum worked 9.30 til 2.30 term time only -(her employers loved her so much when she temped for them they took her on permanently on her terms) until all her kids were at high school) it is an easier option in many ways and I really can't see the justification in expecting the full time working husband to work more hours than they do at work and complete a list like Edwina suggested at the weekend - Why should they have one job and their husband's two ? This is purely housework - childcare is something parents should share when both are home -and a wife shouldn't exclude a husband from that.

sedment

In my house I do the meal planning, ordering, bathrooms,ironing and washing, floors and hoovering, gift buying, xmas,pretty much everything apart from the bins and gardening.
But my kids do their own bedrooms with help, set the dinner table, take responsibility for their own toys and putting their own ironing away in the proper cupboards and drawers as well as putting folded underwear away. I work one day a week when my husband does what I do when he is at work. One point I would like to make about sahms, and its not all about doing cleaning is the reassurance that it can give children. Today was the church service at my daughters nursery, and I was chuffed to be able to have helped but some little ones were gutted that they had no-one, not even granny or a friend to see them singing their song.
So being a sahm is far more than cleaning and meal planning, its picking them up from school when they have been puking and being available!

Peter333

Good posts Duchy and Sedment.

skintchick

Morglin wrote: »

Working mums do that as well (and I have done stay at home and working) - we just fit it all in, before and after work, weekends and days off!

The houses of the working mums that I go into say otherwise! Usually they are a bit grubby and very untidy. Yours may well have been spotless but I don't think that's normal for peole with FT jobs and children.

skintchick

Metranil_Vavin wrote: »

Save arguments, get a cleaner.

Sssh, don't tell anyone but I have one two hours a week to do my wet cleaning now I'm pregnant OH was very happy because now he doesn't have to do it (I'm avoiding strong chemicals and struggle to move around easily now).

mattcanary

Mojisola wrote: »

On his four days' off, would the husband expect his wife to make all his meals, clear up after him, etc? Would he expect her to be basically working seven days a week while he is only working 35 hours a week?

Being a stay at home parent does not mean you are working seven hours a day though, or anything like as much as that.
More like chatting to friends, watching Tv or listening to the radio and going into town a lot of the time (at least when the children are at school)

skintchick

mattcanary wrote: »

Being a stay at home parent does not mean you are working seven hours a day though, or anything like as much as that.
More like chatting to friends, watching Tv or listening to the radio and going into town a lot of the time (at least when the children are at school)

You have personal experience? Or are you just assuming (erroneously)?

mattcanary

skintchick wrote: »

You have personal experience? Or are you just assuming (erroneously)?

Cleaning a house takes half a day once a week maybe?
Cooking doesnt take that long (maybe 20 minutes to prepare on average, 20 minutes cooking time and another 20 minutes to wash up afterwards). Unless you cook a lot of elaborate meals.


Shopping takes maybe 2 hours once a week




That's about 12 hours a week.

purpleshoes_2

skintchick wrote: »

The houses of the working mums that I go into say otherwise! Usually they are a bit grubby and very untidy. Yours may well have been spotless but I don't think that's normal for peole with FT jobs and children.

Ive been in homes of people who work full time and they look like showhomes. Nothing out of place and spotlessly clean.

Its absolutely possible to keep a house to a high standard and work 35 hours a week.