Should a woman (SAHM) be doing EVERYTHING in the house if she doesn't go out to work?

Morglin

skintchick wrote: »

The houses of the working mums that I go into say otherwise! Usually they are a bit grubby and very untidy. Yours may well have been spotless but I don't think that's normal for peole with FT jobs and children.

Well, I know mainly working mums, (including my daughter who has 4 kids, a cat, a dog, a husband, voluntary work with the scouts, and a job) and their houses are immaculate, so perhaps you just know slobby people? :think:

It is not a full time job to be at home, however much SAHM's try to pretend it is!

But, good luck to those who can convince their spouses it is......:beer:

Lin

purpleshoes_2

Going back to the original post, when the kids grow up and leave home, are the married couple still going to be in the roles where the mum does all the housework and cooking, cleaning and the man does nothing? What if she wants to find work when the kids leave? Will she spend the rest of her days, retirement and beyond, cooking, cleaning and doing everything around the house because that's the way it always was.

I think people make a massive rod for their own back by assuming certain roles and theres a message being passed down to the next generation.

Kids who leave home and cant do a single thing for themselves for example.

Mojisola

Morglin wrote: »

It is not a full time job to be at home, however much SAHM's try to pretend it is!

Work always expands to fill the time available.:)

It's a bit like not knowing why there's no money left at the end of the week or not realising why you can't lose weight - make a note of everything you spend/eat and things you haven't noticed will jump out at you. If a SAHP makes a note for a few weeks of how their time is spent, the same will happen - jobs that could be done in a short time will have taken much longer.

lostinrates

purpleshoes wrote: »

Going back to the original post, when the kids grow up and leave home, are the married couple still going to be in the roles where the mum does all the housework and cooking, cleaning and the man does nothing? What if she wants to find work when the kids leave? Will she spend the rest of her days, retirement and beyond, cooking, cleaning and doing everything around the house because that's the way it always was.

I think people make a massive rod for their own back by assuming certain roles and theres a message being passed down to the next generation.

Kids who leave home and cant do a single thing for themselves for example.

I am a sahw with no children.

Mojisola

lostinrates wrote: »

I am a sahw with no children.

It suits some couples to be like this. If that's the case, no-one else should be judging their decision.

purpleshoes_2

lostinrates wrote: »

I am a sahw with no children.

Thats not the situation I was describing. I was referring to the original post where the man does nothing around the home and the wife does it all and they have children.

catkins

janninew wrote: »

Surely if you had all week at home you'd have the majority of cleaning and shopping done during the week so weekends can be for fun, family activities?

Still meals to be cooked at weekends and then washing up though. A roast dinner can take longer than some meals and usually involves more washing up than a lot of meals. Is that always meant to be the sah persons' job.

duchy wrote: »

Why on earth would any cleaning or food shopping need to be done at weekends if someone has had all week to do it ?
Even food prep for the weekend could be done in advance.

I don't drive and although I do some shopping online, there is no way I am going to buy fruit and veg online. I want to be able to see it, feel it etc. Me and OH are vegetarians so we need to buy lots of veg and there is no way I could carry it in one or two trip. It would be too expensive and silly to go shopping a few times a week as the bus fares are expensive where I live.


As I have said before, due to my pets, my carpets really need hoovering every day. They may not get done both days at a weekend but really could not be left for two days.


Yes food prep could be done before the weekend but there is still breakfasts, lunches, maybe an afternoon snack and then evening meals to be dealt with and then the washing up. Why should the sah person have to do that?

mattcanary wrote: »

Cleaning a house takes half a day once a week maybe?
Cooking doesnt take that long (maybe 20 minutes to prepare on average, 20 minutes cooking time and another 20 minutes to wash up afterwards). Unless you cook a lot of elaborate meals.

Shopping takes maybe 2 hours once a week

That's about 12 hours a week.

I don't think a house would be properly clean if you only took half a day once a week. Would that include stripping and changing beds? Cleaning bathroom, toilet and kitchen properly can take a while (floors to be swept and washed, kitchen worktops, inside of fridge, cooker, wipe down cupboard fronts and exterior of washing machine, dishwasher, tumbledryer, fridge, freezer)

lostinrates

Mojisola wrote: »

It suits some couples to be like this. If that's the case, no-one else should be judging their decision.

Or women / couples who both work.

I know sah households that are filthy and working ones which are spotless. But they tend to have different house types and lifestyle choices to make the spotless ones stay so. Blanket statements of 'it isn't a fulltime job' are fool hardy because in some houses and situations it is, in others it really is not, I agree.

I also find the things like ' don't you get bored stupid' silly because as a stay at home ( by choice not circumstance) people have choice how to fill any spare time, cultural, academic pursuit, creative endeavour, whatever. Something less 'boring' than many jobs. Or they can do nothing and be bored. I think this depends on the individual and their impetus and what drives them.

Its just as foolish as critiquing women who work to provide well, setting examples of success, drive and balance.

I really don't know why people get so very nasty about others situations.

supersaver2

skintchick wrote: »

The houses of the working mums that I go into say otherwise! Usually they are a bit grubby and very untidy. Yours may well have been spotless but I don't think that's normal for peole with FT jobs and children.

That is certainly not the case for all though, I think you are either a tidy person or not regardless of whether you work. Watching the recent benefits programme where nobody works and their houses are horrifically filthy and often neither parent were working suggests not all stay at home parents clean all day every day. Plus there is that saying ' if you want something doing properly, give it to a busy person!'

supersaver2

mattcanary wrote: »

Being a stay at home parent does not mean you are working seven hours a day though, or anything like as much as that.
More like chatting to friends, watching Tv or listening to the radio and going into town a lot of the time (at least when the children are at school)

My wife would happily admit to doing those things listed when on maternity leave, lots of trips to town to meet other parents for coffee and cakes or somedays having a lazy day at home bringing baby into bed and watching movies! I said good for her, enjoy it whilst your off! The house was always tidy, she did the shopping and we have a disabled child who has lots of medical appointments as well. Ohh and 3 dogs! No time for cleaning all day, more fun to be had!