Should a woman (SAHM) be doing EVERYTHING in the house if she doesn't go out to work?

Morglin

skintchick wrote: »

As I said earlier, you won;t be doing it to the same standard that a SAHM tends to. My weekly cleaning routine includes wiping down walls and internal doors, cleaning the insides of all windows, dusting all surfaces, washing skirting boards, cleaning out the fridge, hoovering all floors every other day, washing floors weekly and spot cleaning them daily, daily tidying (at least twice a day when you have children), interim cleaning of wet rooms and weekly thorough cleaning of wet rooms including descaling and mould removal, and hoovering sofas under cushions. I also do a weekly thorough clean of the kitchen moving all things on the surfaces, washing out the composting bin and kitchen bin.

Daily I tidy as I said, do at least one load of washing every day, put clean laundry away, do washing up numerous times, load and unload the dishwasher at least once, do a wipe down of the kitchen at least twice a day and probably more times.

I also regularly empty cupboards and shelves and wash them down, wash curtains and blinds, wash cushion covers, sponge furnishings, clean rugs and carpets, and dust lightbulbs.

Additionally, I have to regularly sort through DDs toys and throw out the junk she collects, put everything back where it belongs (she tries but is only 4), mend clothes etc where needed, sew in name labels, sort through DD's clothes when she grows into a new size and box up old things or sell them, do the gardening, the shopping (which tends to be one big shop and a couple of interim shops a week), run errands like the Post Office, bank, etc., ensure we have birthday cards and gifts for family and all DDs friends, make sure invitations etc are replied to (basically all family correspondence).

There's probably more; but I'm willing to bet you don;t do even a quarter of that in your weekend cleaning time.

Believe me, if you've never been the at-home one then you have NO idea what it entails and what people expect of you "because you don't work". I work way harder than my husband but his job is the one society values.

Working mums do that as well (and I have done stay at home and working) - we just fit it all in, before and after work, weekends and days off!

We also used to do it all, in those days before freezers, microwaves, dish washers etc.,:eek:

I found ,the little time I did stay home, was that boredom made me look for things to do in the house, even those that didn't need doing.....which is probably why they invented daytime TV.

For those who want, and can afford, to stay home, then great, but, to be fair, there is ample time to make sure everything can be done.

Lin

duchy

FBaby wrote: »

Surely it doesn't matter what people expect, or are you talking about your family? What I have noticed is how much less children of families of a SAHM are expected to tidy after themselves and contribute.

The philosophy in our house is that it is the more you tidy and clean after yourself, the less household there is to do. They are expected to help out and contribute and I think it does them well.

I think the what people expect isn't about housework but the little extra jobs from waiting for family,s parcels or deliveries, going to the sorting office for them, running various family members here there and everywhere ,making duty visits, sitting at someone else's house for workmen......as you are at home all day to have the time to do it. I'm not a SAHM anymore however working from home full time I've had to retrain everyone that whilst I am working I am "not home "and can't get off the phone for parcels or have time for coffee and a chat to random visitors. I also sometimes need to remind my boyfriend that just because I'm home doesn't mean I can work with workmen hammering. Same attitude that as I'm home I don't have the same availability issues that someone outside the home as. It reminds me of my SAHM days.

I do agree that housework expands to fill available time and skint chick s list shows that. Using a dishwasher AND washing up numerous times does sound a bit like a poor use of time but it suits her and her time isn't restricted so it suits her but I'm sure if she had something she really wanted to do there would be more incentive to use the time more effectively and find that for example cupboards don't need tidying every week if you tidy as you go.

Like any other activity housework can take all day but doesn't have to and it becomes a personal choice if you allow it to. I was like Lin and found myself looking for things to do out of boredom until I gave myself a talking to lol

Georgiegirl256

lostinrates wrote: »

One of the things that made me chuckle was the advert for the cordless vacuum ATM, that has a charge of forty minutes. I'm afraid I need longer than that to vacuum the entire house. And if I ask one of the others, omg, it takes them ages.

Your house must be massive!! My Mam and Dad have one if those vacuums and they love it. It really is so light and easy to use that it doesn't take as long as it did to vacuum when they had a big heavy one, and forty minutes is more than adequate and their house is fairly big.

2gorgeousgirls

If I was a SAHM then I would expect my husband to tidy up after himself, ie if he leaves sweaters, shoes lying about, pick them up. Also, I would expect him to put his laundry in the laundry basket (my husband still doesn't do this though after 19 years!).

But I would see being a SAHM as my job and do everything else. If hubby offered to cook or do other work I would see it as a bonus.

Also don't forget that at 10 and 15 years old children are perfectly capable of helping with housework. I have girls round the same age and they do their own bedrooms, including changing the bed and they take turns at other jobs like setting the table, clearing up, emptying the dishwasher etc.

But ultimately if you decide to stay at home then it is your job to look after the kids and house while your husband does his job and earns the money to pay the bills.

Also from speaking with colleagues, the consensus is that working mums still end up doing the majority of the housework anyway. They just have to fit it around work.

As for things like cleaning out cupboards, washing curtains, hoovering under cushions, that always falls to the female because men just don't think that needs doing. I have spent many an annual leave day cleaning out cupboards, cleaning windows etc when I would rather be doing something else.

catkins

onlyroz wrote: »

Seriously, why would you do all of that every week, even if you have the time to? Aren't there more interesting ways you could spend your time?

I don't see the need to hoover more than once a week, possibly twice in the high throughput areas. I mop the kitchen and bathroom once a week, wipe down kitchen and bathroom surfaces after each use and do a more thorough clean every few weeks. Life's too short to spend it all cleaning, and doing so just increases your risk of asthma etc.

I can only assume you don't have pets!


My cats like to lay on the landing carpet so leave lots of their fur there. Of course they don't just stay in the one spot either. Also they have litter trays upstairs and litter gets walked onto the landing carpet. There is no way I am not going to hoover upstairs at least once a day plus sweep and wash the floor of the room their trays are in.


My dogs don't moult but they collect everything in their fur - grass, twigs, leaves, sticky buds etc etc - and that all ends up on the carpet. Again I hoover the living room carpet every day, sometimes twice a day.


Even without pets I think hoovering only once a week would not be enough

catkins

2gorgeousgirls wrote: »

If I was a SAHM then I would expect my husband to tidy up after himself, ie if he leaves sweaters, shoes lying about, pick them up. Also, I would expect him to put his laundry in the laundry basket (my husband still doesn't do this though after 19 years!).

But I would see being a SAHM as my job and do everything else. If hubby offered to cook or do other work I would see it as a bonus.

But ultimately if you decide to stay at home then it is your job to look after the kids and house while your husband does his job and earns the money to pay the bills.
.

Seriously? So even at weekends you would cook, clean, sort out any food shopping, look after the children etc? That hardly seems fair.

mummyroysof3

I do agree that being a Sahm I do the majority of the housework etc I also do night duty with my youngest who is disabled and has not slept a full night in 5 years. But I do insist that hubby doesn't critics the way I choose to do things or point out jobs that need doing. In return he tidies up after himself and does jobs he notices that I don't and also if i ask him to do something he does. Being a Sahm isn't a 9-5 job though and you do have busy periods though the day as well as quiet ones when kids aren't here.

janninew

catkins wrote: »

Seriously? So even at weekends you would cook, clean, sort out any food shopping, look after the children etc? That hardly seems fair.

Surely if you had all week at home you'd have the majority of cleaning and shopping done during the week so weekends can be for fun, family activities?

lostinrates

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Your house must be massive!! My Mam and Dad have one if those vacuums and they love it. It really is so light and easy to use that it doesn't take as long as it did to vacuum when they had a big heavy one, and forty minutes is more than adequate and their house is fairly big.

It's not just about size of house its about State of repair and stuff the vacuum is expected to cope with. ATM we have carpets from the sixties, concrete floors and some wooded flooring. So, the floor finishes all take longer with any vaccuum than new carpets or ordinary floors:(. We are a longterm renovation/ restoration project. There are exposed bricks ( dust) the concrete floors crest dust. Then you throw a few animals into the mix, workmen walking through sometimes, clients popping in for stuff, ( my clients are often grubby... No fault of there own!) .

Fwiw we have more than one vacuum, up stairs, down stairs and a couple of inefficient spares which are about to be narrowed down to one.

rach_k

I would say that a stay at home partner should be putting in as many hours as his/her partner works, if there's that much to do. With kids aged 10 and 15, I would imagine they take less time than toddlers excluding driving around (although I'm only guessing as my kids are under 5 so I may be wrong!). I don't think the laundry, shopping, cooking, cleaning, washing up and driving the kids around would take up more than 35 hours a week, plus it's a lot more flexible than most workplaces so yes, I think the mother in this case should probably be doing all that.

The line I draw is between being a wife/mother and being a skivvy. I won't pick up clothes my children or husband have dropped. If they spill something, they clean it up themselves. It's my 'job' to do general cleaning and tidying but I'm not a servant so I won't clean up specific messes they make. That's a simple matter of respect.

I work 20 hours per week from home and I still manage to keep on top of things in the time my OH is at work. We don't exactly have a spotless house but even with higher standards, I think you could fit that into the 20 hours a week the mum in question isn't working.

If the mum is 'working' all of the time her OH is at work, when he's home everything else should be split 50/50 - the washing up, cooking etc. If she isn't running at full capacity all the time he's at work, she should do more when he's there.