Should a woman (SAHM) be doing EVERYTHING in the house if she doesn't go out to work?

Peter333

This is just a debate we were having at work the other day.

Basically, we were wondering... If a woman is a stay at home mum, and she has 2 kids (aged 10 & 15 for example) and they are at school (obviously,) should said SAHM be doing everything?

Washing, ironing, all the shopping, cooking every meal, vacuuming, dusting, polishing, doing every last bit of washing up, school run, cleaning the kitchen, cleaning the bathroom, tidying the bedrooms, running the kids to their friends, and to hobby groups etc (35-40 mile round-trips there and back and there and back again, so a lot of time spent driving 2 or 3 evenings a week and once or twice at the weekend,) and every other thing you can think of.

Husband works full time 4 days on, 4 days off - 10 hour shifts. (So about a 35/36 hour week.)

Should the husband be helping? (If only a little bit.)

For the moment, keep away from comments like 'why is she not working too?' Or 'why aren't the kids helping?' I am interested to know if you think the husband should be helping, if she is not in paid employment, and he works full time (admin job.)

They are both middle aged or slightly younger.

Opinions please. Thank you.

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This thread was originally on the Discussion Time board. We've moved it here as it's a great question so we tweeted it from the @MSE_Forum twitter account

UKGuy

Peter333 wrote: »

This is just a debate we were having at work the other day.

Basically, we were wondering... If a woman is a stay at home mum, and she has 2 kids (aged 10 & 15 for example) and they are at school (obviously,) should said SAHM be doing everything?

Washing, ironing, all the shopping, cooking every meal, vacuuming, dusting, polishing, doing every last bit of washing up, school run, cleaning the kitchen, cleaning the bathroom, tidying the bedrooms, running the kids to their friends, and to hobby groups etc (35-40 mile round-trips there and back and there and back again, so a lot of time spent driving 2 or 3 evenings a week and once or twice at the weekend,) and every other thing you can think of.

Husband works full time 4 days on, 4 days off - 10 hour shifts. (So about a 35/36 hour week.)

Should the husband be helping? (If only a little bit.)

For the moment, keep away from comments like 'why is she not working too?' Or 'why aren't the kids helping?' I am interested to know if you think the husband should be helping, if she is not in paid employment, and he works full time (admin job.)

They are both middle aged or slightly younger.

Opinions please. Thank you.

Depends whether you want to or not!

BNT

If the husband is only doing 36 hours a week, it seems unfair to expect the wife to do everything at home.

Miski

A little bit of assistance perhaps but I'd expect the majority of the house work to be done by the SAHM

wallbash

Don't know, will have to ask the wife for permission to respond.

whitewing

If the husband does nothing, he will actually create additional work (through taking it for granted and not realising how much there actually is to do/how long it takes). Plus the children will more likely follow the husband's example.

With a young DD, we can clear up multiple times a day to keep everything looking tidy. It would soon be chaos if only I was doing stuff at home.

Plus some things can be time or weather critical. If I put washing out on the line and it gets wet because it isn't DH's job to bring it in then that would just be silly.

VfM4meplse

Do children of 10 and 15 actually need a SAHM?

If its choice, I would say yes, everything that needs to be done to keep the household running effectively 9-5. If the SAHM status is a necessity, then no. Either way it does not absolve the husband from all chores. Big stuff should be shared equally outside of working hours.

whitewing

Flylady often says that marriage is not 50/50 (or 75/25 etc), it is 100/100. If you see something that needs doing, do it willingly. Therefore if the husband is out of the house more, there will be less to do.
There are days or weeks where 1 person shoulders the bulk of it.

Mojisola

Peter333 wrote: »

Basically, we were wondering... If a woman is a stay at home mum, and she has 2 kids (aged 10 & 15 for example) and they are at school (obviously,) should said SAHM be doing everything?

Washing, ironing, all the shopping, cooking every meal, vacuuming, dusting, polishing, doing every last bit of washing up, school run, cleaning the kitchen, cleaning the bathroom, tidying the bedrooms, running the kids to their friends, and to hobby groups etc (35-40 mile round-trips there and back and there and back again, so a lot of time spent driving 2 or 3 evenings a week and once or twice at the weekend,) and every other thing you can think of.

Husband works full time 4 days on, 4 days off - 10 hour shifts. (So about a 35/36 hour week.)

Should the husband be helping? (If only a little bit.)

On his four days' off, would the husband expect his wife to make all his meals, clear up after him, etc? Would he expect her to be basically working seven days a week while he is only working 35 hours a week?

UKGuy

Mojisola wrote: »

On his four days' off, would the husband expect his wife to make all his meals, clear up after him, etc? Would he expect her to be basically working seven days a week while he is only working 35 hours a week?

I suspect that is what the OP expects to be the case!

Conrad

My wife is a SAHM, I generally do all the gardening, am a habitual tidier-upper and cleaner (did one of my deep cleans on the bathroom last week as an example), cook some meals, usually prepare Sunday brekkie and often the roast too and forever seem to be fixing things.


Must admit I haven't touched the iron or washing machine in years, joy.