Should a woman (SAHM) be doing EVERYTHING in the house if she doesn't go out to work?

LandyAndy

Peter333 wrote: »

This is just a debate we were having at work the other day.

Basically, we were wondering... If a woman is a stay at home mum, and she has 2 kids (aged 10 & 15 for example) and they are at school (obviously,) should said SAHM be doing everything?

Washing, ironing, all the shopping, cooking every meal, vacuuming, dusting, polishing, doing every last bit of washing up, school run, cleaning the kitchen, cleaning the bathroom, tidying the bedrooms, running the kids to their friends, and to hobby groups etc (35-40 mile round-trips there and back and there and back again, so a lot of time spent driving 2 or 3 evenings a week and once or twice at the weekend,) and every other thing you can think of.

Husband works full time 4 days on, 4 days off - 10 hour shifts. (So about a 35/36 hour week.)

Should the husband be helping? (If only a little bit.)

For the moment, keep away from comments like 'why is she not working too?' Or 'why aren't the kids helping?' I am interested to know if you think the husband should be helping, if she is not in paid employment, and he works full time (admin job.)

They are both middle aged or slightly younger.

Opinions please. Thank you.

Stuff that is left to do / needs doing when they are both home should be shared.

BigAunty

In the 70s my dad worked long hours in a manual role for 5.5 days a week and he still did a bit of cooking, shopping and cleaning.

I don't think working in a full time job absolves the male partner from doing housework.

The 15 year old should be being trained in cleaning, laundry/ironing and cooking.

mummyroysof3

I would expect some input from him on his days off even if it's to tidy up after himself and do meal or washing up or something. On his days off some driving to clubs should he his responsibility too.

lazer

I think yes in general it is all the SAHM's job to keep the house tidy. make dinner etc.

90% of it falls to her - housework should not take 40 hours per week, that's 5 hours a day!
If all the ferrying the kids around takes up a load of time then dad should help with this when he is off, and maybe make the dinner once a week etc, so teh wife gets 1 day off too.

Peter333

Mojisola wrote: »

On his four days' off, would the husband expect his wife to make all his meals, clear up after him, etc? Would he expect her to be basically working seven days a week while he is only working 35 hours a week?

This is pretty much what I thought. My opinion is that he should help at least a bit of the time. Your post really is bang on!

Some of my workmates think their stay at home wife should be doing absolutely everything, and some of the wives end up doing twice as many hours of work/labour a week as the men!

UK Guy, it's not me that I'm talking about! As your posts and your type of faces are implying!

My wife works 18 hours a week and our kids are grown (one is 18 and still lives with us.)

Thanks for your views everyone. Seems most think that the man should be helping a bit: and as someone said, it gives a better example to the kids.

UKGuy

Peter333 wrote: »

UK Guy, it's not me that I'm talking about! As your posts and your type of faces are implying!

If you say so!

moomoomama27

When I was a SAHM I did everything in the week while my husband was at work. I had no problem doing it, and I saw it as my job. At the weekends we shared anything that needed doing, that was not to say my husband did nothing in the week, but I didn't really see it as fair that after a full day at work he should have to do housework! I managed my time so that I had some morning me time ( gym) before ebeyone woke, then dud the housework, then attended a mother/baby, play group or some other activity until it was time to go home for dinner!

dodger1

Peter333 wrote: »

This is just a debate we were having at work the other day.

Basically, we were wondering... If a woman is a stay at home mum, and she has 2 kids (aged 10 & 15 for example) and they are at school (obviously,) should said SAHM be doing everything?

Washing, ironing, all the shopping, cooking every meal, vacuuming, dusting, polishing, doing every last bit of washing up, school run, cleaning the kitchen, cleaning the bathroom, tidying the bedrooms, running the kids to their friends, and to hobby groups etc (35-40 mile round-trips there and back and there and back again, so a lot of time spent driving 2 or 3 evenings a week and once or twice at the weekend,) and every other thing you can think of.

Husband works full time 4 days on, 4 days off - 10 hour shifts. (So about a 35/36 hour week.)

Should the husband be helping? (If only a little bit.)

For the moment, keep away from comments like 'why is she not working too?' Or 'why aren't the kids helping?' I am interested to know if you think the husband should be helping, if she is not in paid employment, and he works full time (admin job.)

They are both middle aged or slightly younger.

Opinions please. Thank you.

Ignoring the overall question, any decent loving father would want to be doing the bolded part. As for the rest of it, a decent loving husband would certainly be helping out with some of the general chores.

Mojisola

Peter333 wrote: »

My opinion is that he should help at least a bit of the time.

I don't think the man should be "helping" - that implies that all the housework and childcare is "her" job and he's being generous in doing some of it for her.

It could be an interesting experiment for a couple in this situation to keep a diary for a couple of weeks of all the time spent working - it might show that the SAHP spends quite a lot of the daytime hours on social or personal things in which case, doing all the evening trips with the kids might be fair. It could show that the SAHP works a lot more hours than the one who goes to work.

duchy

If the wife doesn't work -and the children are teenagers so don't need any "childcaring" then yes I do think it is the woman's role in the family to keep the house going. It seems a reasonable division of labour - he works outside the home -she spends an equal number of hours working in the home.

Depending on what "does nothing" means though.
Does he carry his dirty cups out and put them in the dishwasher ? Does she do all the DIY ?
I do think if the kids at the ages they are do nothing then there's probably a bit of a family culture that the housework is Mum's domain and if that attitude has been ingrained for years it may be difficult (but not impossible) to change things.
I honestly can't see how housework can take up more than 36 hours a week however if you organize it properly - and if not working or studying or having any other caring responsibilities I'd be wondering what the stay at home partner's contribution to the family actually is aside from keeping the house running and ferrying the kids about. With a four on/four off I'd probably expect the Dad to want to take the kids to clubs etc sometimes though.

If this was a woman working full time and the husband at home and the husband posted saying "my wife expects me to do all the housework" I think the response would be- "Get on with it "

I suspect this isn't really about division of labour and more about not feeling valued or appreciated however.