Should a woman (SAHM) be doing EVERYTHING in the house if she doesn't go out to work?

sedment

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

When her husband is at work: yes.

Outside of those ours: no.

And I can't ruddy stand it when a man doing a bit of housework is said to be "helping". It's his home too presumably, so he should be taking an equal interest in his surroundings and doing his fair share.

What bugs me if when men say that they are babysitting their own children! You babysit nephews nieces neighbour's not your own kids!!

catkins

Morglin wrote: »

In my view, any woman at home, both school age kids, and being supported by her husband should be doing it all.
Lin

ska_lover wrote: »

I totally agree - he is funding the entire household - while there is no real necessity to have a SAHM for kids of these ages - so yes I think the wife should be doing it all.

Surely it depends on how much housework there is to do? A small 2 bed modern house will probably need less cleaning than a 4 bed old victorian house.


Also pets can mean the house needs cleaning more. I have 2 longhaired dogs and although they don't moult they do collect everything in their coats (twigs, grass, stickybuds, leaves etc) which then end up on the carpet. I have to hoover every day, sometimes more than once a day. They also make a lot of dust. If they get muddy that dries and makes dust.


If we have a very busy weekend (maybe going out to friends etc) then the hoovering may not get done but if we are at home for any length of time it does. I don't mind doing it but I don't see that it is my job because OH works and I don't. I probably do it more than him but he does do, often early morning when I am in the shower.


Also the dogs still need walking and grooming - ok not really housework but two of the jobs I do when he is at work.


What about cooking? Should I always cook, even when OH is home?


I guess I am lucky because as long as the house isn't a disgusting filthy tip OH doesn't care what I do (or don't do) all day. I am the one that feels guilty.


I love tennis and OH said on the first Monday "sod the housework, just sit and watch Wimbledon. I don't mind cooking when I get home or we will get a takeway" He is so lovely.

itzmee

My DH also works 4 on, 4 off (12 hour shifts) and I work 4 days, 5 hours per day. When he is working I don't expect him to do anything as he works such long hours, so I do all the cooking and cleaning. However on his days off I expect him to pull his weight. He usually cooks all the meals, tidies the kitchen, puts the dishwasher and his own washing on - as well as any DIY/garden related tasks that need doing. So yes, the husband should be helping out!

skintchick

evenasus wrote: »

I know that, tell that to my husband.

He just sees a load of buttons.

Does he say the same when confronted with the TV remote control? Or is he just pretending to be a useless a.rse?

skintchick

I think with the OP, it depends on what else the woman does. I'm offically a SAHM. Officially I don't work, but actually I take in sewing and do alterations (yes it's all declared) so I can afford to have my hair done, because we are on a tight budget ad there isn;t enough money for that kind of thing otherwise.

I also do volunteer work.

So while when OH is at work I do everything (cleaning, washing, tidying) when OH is home I expect work to be shared (childcare, bedtimes, hanging laundry up). And at weekends, it's all hands on deck. Otherwis eI'd never get any time off and would be resentful.

Even at work people get breaks and swing the lead a bit, so I know he's not always working 100 per cent when he is in the office, and he often works from home too and takes time to do other things than work (his work is flexible).

I think it's utterly unreasonable to say ALL household work is the woman's as a lot of it happens in the evenings and at weekends, so she'd end up working many more hours than the husband.

And yes, it IS possible to spend 5 hours a day on housework - if you do it to a high standard and do things like skirting boards, fridge, etc., regularly then it can stretch to take up an incredible amount of time. When you work full time you tend to do the minimum because that's all you can fit in.

Billie-S

BNT wrote: »

I can see that the housework would add up:

Shopping a couple of hours a week (including driving, and putting everything away)
Cooking about ten hours a week.
Washing up/dishwasher/putting crockery away is about a half hour a day or three hours a week.
It looks as though there's about six hours of driving children each week.
Ironing and laundry take about three hours a week.
Even with only an hour of cleaning and vacuuming each day that's above 30 hours. Then there's the garden. With older children, I agree it's not a full time job, and each family will have different chores and time requirements, but the time would quickly add up. And the husband isn't exactly putting in the hours at work. It's not like he doesn't have the time to do anything at home.

Agree with this.

Many SAHMs put in many more hours of work than many people (especially their men) realise. Probably not double, as Peter suggested, by certainly as many, if not slightly more. The difference is, all the work and effort from SAHMs/housewives is rarely acknowledged, and they receive little respect from society.

lady1964

A couple of years ago, DH & me lived overseas, our grown up kids didn't come with us.

I wasn't able to work so stayed at home, I did almost everything in the home. We had a very large apartment, wooden floors, 2 bathrooms, everywhere got very dusty. DH did wash up after dinner (no dishwasher in the kitchen), but I did everything else. I managed to enjoy a pretty full social life with friends and with hubby, he provided the wherewithal for me to enjoy my life & I fully supported him in his job, we were both very happy :-)

duchy

Edwardia wrote: »

If the husband has 4 days on 4 days off or whatever I think the wife should have a list of stuff for him such as prune roses, mow lawn, hang out washing, take/pick up dry cleaning, supermarket shop and ferry offspring.

Why?
We've established that 4 on 4 off equals to more than forty hours a week with travelling. Surely unless the wife is entirely hopeless those tasks and cooking cleaning doesn't come to forty hours.
Surely if they both work the same number of hours it effectively gives them time to enjoy together on the off days .

To be presented with a list because the at home partner would prefer to work less than equal hours (and remember we aren't talking toddlers or babies but children who are old enough to have their own chores) so is contributing less to the family is pretty pathetic.

Plenty of families have both parents working and both pull together to ensure housework is done to enable more time as a family. For a woman with older children who is choosing not to work outside the home it seems a really selfish attitude not to offer equal hours for the benefit of the whole family. Most women at home have enough time to get everything done and time to socialise, and even study towards a career or do voluntary work as well.

To claim the poor SAHM is working more is basically rubbish. I was a SAHM with a husband who worked very long hours and once children are at school there was plenty of time for meeting for coffee out, gym etc as well as doing the housework, school runs, after school activities etc. it certainly beat working but got boring very quickly.

It's about equality and equal hours for both husband and wife. If the stay at home partner doesn't want to be a full time housewife and put the hours in then they can look at working outside the home and redistribute the household task hours but many women do relish the freedom from the fixed hours and working for someone else but every job has pros and cons and that includes the job of SAHP.

lostinrates

Gavin83 wrote: »

Quite how it takes 36 hours to do the housework is beyond me though. Me and my girlfriend both work so we share out household tasks but it doesn't take us anywhere near that time. .

What sort of home do you have? Big/small? Minimalist or full of stuff? How often do you entertain? What sort of food do you enjoy eating and shopping for? All these things impact on how much time is needed.

purpleshoes_2

Peter333 wrote: »

This is just a debate we were having at work the other day.

Basically, we were wondering... If a woman is a stay at home mum, and she has 2 kids (aged 10 & 15 for example) and they are at school (obviously,) should said SAHM be doing everything?

Washing, ironing, all the shopping, cooking every meal, vacuuming, dusting, polishing, doing every last bit of washing up, school run, cleaning the kitchen, cleaning the bathroom, tidying the bedrooms, running the kids to their friends, and to hobby groups etc (35-40 mile round-trips there and back and there and back again, so a lot of time spent driving 2 or 3 evenings a week and once or twice at the weekend,) and every other thing you can think of.

Husband works full time 4 days on, 4 days off - 10 hour shifts. (So about a 35/36 hour week.)

Should the husband be helping? (If only a little bit.)

For the moment, keep away from comments like 'why is she not working too?' Or 'why aren't the kids helping?' I am interested to know if you think the husband should be helping, if she is not in paid employment, and he works full time (admin job.)

They are both middle aged or slightly younger.

Opinions please. Thank you.

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Helping? He lives in the home as well.

I live on my own so all household responsibilities fall to me. I would imagine if someone does stay at home they might do more of a share, but this man does nothing? Doesnt wash a dish, doesn't cook a meal, doesnt give his kids a lift to any clubs?

Hes not working down the pit and coming home every night, hes working in an admin job.

Seriously, that kind of life sounds ok if you want to be a stepford wife. Otherwise it just sounds miserable.