Should a woman (SAHM) be doing EVERYTHING in the house if she doesn't go out to work?

catkins

I don't work and OH works full time (some days very long hours) but we don' have any children. On the days he works I do all the housework, walk and groom the dogs and usually cook the evening meal. Sometimes if he gets home reasonable and I haven't started the evening meal he will offer to cook. He likes cooking and says he doesn't see why I should always have to do it. Most times though I do it as I too like cooking and do feel he should spend some time relaxing.


I can have busy days when I only really stop for some lunch but that is pretty unusual. Most days I will spend time on the internet or watching something on tv, maybe a bit of reading or knitting. If I make myself a coffee I always sit and drink it whereas OH doesn't usually stop during his working day. He is a self employed plumber/electrician so can be quite a physical job and often only stops for 10 minutes to eat his lunch. He doesn't always work that close to home either so can leave for work at 6am and not get back until 8pm. There is no way I would expect him to start cleaning or whatever.


On his days off, which vary week to week - some weeks he works 6 days others maybe 4, he helps around the house, walks the dogs with me, might do a bit of DIY or gardening (he mows the lawn as we have a petrol mower than I can't start).


I do often say to him to take it easy and I will do stuff that needs doing such as walking the dogs, making lunch, clearing up etc but he is not the sort of person to just sit and do nothing

Pete111

catkins wrote: »

I don't work and OH works full time (some days very long hours) but we don' have any children. On the days he works I do all the housework, walk and groom the dogs and usually cook the evening meal. Sometimes if he gets home reasonable and I haven't started the evening meal he will offer to cook. He likes cooking and says he doesn't see why I should always have to do it. Most times though I do it as I too like cooking and do feel he should spend some time relaxing.


I can have busy days when I only really stop for some lunch but that is pretty unusual. Most days I will spend time on the internet or watching something on tv, maybe a bit of reading or knitting. If I make myself a coffee I always sit and drink it whereas OH doesn't usually stop during his working day. He is a self employed plumber/electrician so can be quite a physical job and often only stops for 10 minutes to eat his lunch. He doesn't always work that close to home either so can leave for work at 6am and not get back until 8pm. There is no way I would expect him to start cleaning or whatever.


On his days off, which vary week to week - some weeks he works 6 days others maybe 4, he helps around the house, walks the dogs with me, might do a bit of DIY or gardening (he mows the lawn as we have a petrol mower than I can't start).


I do often say to him to take it easy and I will do stuff that needs doing such as walking the dogs, making lunch, clearing up etc but he is not the sort of person to just sit and do nothing

Stick with him. You have it made!

dodger1

I'm a single bloke, what's housework?

BitterAndTwisted

When her husband is at work: yes.

Outside of those ours: no.

And I can't ruddy stand it when a man doing a bit of housework is said to be "helping". It's his home too presumably, so he should be taking an equal interest in his surroundings and doing his fair share.

Morglin

Peter333 wrote: »

This is just a debate we were having at work the other day.

Basically, we were wondering... If a woman is a stay at home mum, and she has 2 kids (aged 10 & 15 for example) and they are at school (obviously,) should said SAHM be doing everything?

Washing, ironing, all the shopping, cooking every meal, vacuuming, dusting, polishing, doing every last bit of washing up, school run, cleaning the kitchen, cleaning the bathroom, tidying the bedrooms, running the kids to their friends, and to hobby groups etc (35-40 mile round-trips there and back and there and back again, so a lot of time spent driving 2 or 3 evenings a week and once or twice at the weekend,) and every other thing you can think of.

Husband works full time 4 days on, 4 days off - 10 hour shifts. (So about a 35/36 hour week.)

Should the husband be helping? (If only a little bit.)

For the moment, keep away from comments like 'why is she not working too?' Or 'why aren't the kids helping?' I am interested to know if you think the husband should be helping, if she is not in paid employment, and he works full time (admin job.)

They are both middle aged or slightly younger.

Opinions please. Thank you.

MSE Insert:

This thread was originally on the Discussion Time board. We've moved it here as it's a great question so we tweeted it from the @MSE_Forum twitter account

In my view, any woman at home, both school age kids, and being supported by her husband should be doing it all.

I cannot imagine anything more soul destroying than doing this, and not working, but I suppose the best way is to treat it as a 'job'.

It worked years ago, in the old style traditional family set up.

Lin

KxMx

Nothing wrong with a stay at home mum doing the majority, but not all no.
I would be expecting the Husband in this case to pitch in when off, have shared jobs, and generally clear up after himself all the time.

ska_lover

Morglin wrote: »

In my view, any woman at home, both school age kids, and being supported by her husband should be doing it all.

I cannot imagine anything more soul destroying than doing this, and not working, but I suppose the best way is to treat it as a 'job'.

It worked years ago, in the old style traditional family set up.

Lin

I totally agree - he is funding the entire household - while there is no real necessity to have a SAHM for kids of these ages - so yes I think the wife should be doing it all. Also the kids need to chip in to do 'their bit' - keeping their rooms tidy, washing up after meals etc

Sounds like the SAHM is martyring herself somewhat though, and could easily cut some of the tasks out - Driving 40 miles to a hobby club? Find a nearer one and get the 15 year old to start using public transport.

Food shopping online etc - there is no need to make a big deal out of what could be simple

Edwardia

If the husband has 4 days on 4 days off or whatever I think the wife should have a list of stuff for him such as prune roses, mow lawn, hang out washing, take/pick up dry cleaning, supermarket shop and ferry offspring.

DigForVictory

Er, housekeeping to whose standards?
There is every room clean enough & there is the deep clean done before in-laws, or worse, visit...

And, I'd rather *no one* tried using power tools, untrained & unassisted without adult on hand in case things went wrong. That goes as much for the men who want to impress their womenfolk as much as for womenfolk who are using tools that were designed for men two foot taller & heftier.

So long as both parties are happy with their arrangement, who the devil are we to poke our noses in?

KxMx

It's strange to me that some would advocate the woman doing everything.

In this scenario the husband gets what sounds like reasonable time off.

4 days paid work is not necessarily equal or superior to 7 days domestic work -think just how much in pay it would cost for someone to replace the work the wife currently does.

It's not just shopping, cooking, cleaning and laundry; as anyone who has run a house knows there are 101 things that can crop up and need to be dealt with/sorted out on top.