seriously thinking of leaving

msflowerfairy

My mum lived with a man like your OH when i was a child, he either used to shout at me, or ignored me completely, the whole house used to breathe a sigh with relief when he went out, but then there was the dread of his return should he start shouting at my mum again.
I was the oldest of four siblings, so used to protect them, and played the grown up when my mother couldn't.
My mum left this man, and i could again become a child, there was not the dread of the rows, and the tears, just boring quiet school, boring quiet weekends, boring quiet T.V....and it was bliss!

FYI: I still hate it when anyone raised their voice to me now, and switch off much to my hubby's annoyance LOL!

Good luck hun, let us know what you decide.

Matt123

Sounds like he is making you miserable. I haven't read any of your previous posts, but if it's like this all the time then it's time to get out.

And take him for all you can get. He deserves it.

redsquirrel80

Just wanted to send you some more hugs, been reading your topic and everyone's advice over the day and it's reduced me to tears at times. You seem like a lovely caring person and you deserve to be happy x

Treading_Water

southernscouser wrote: »

I'm gonna put my neck on the line here and go against the majority and say ditch him.

He sounds like an @sshole if I'm being honest.

He is scared. Scared that you don't need him. You are an independant woman, you can pay your own way, and your debts on top of that, and you can clearly bring up a fantastic little girl on your own without any help.

He knows you can do better than him and you deserve better than him. And so does your little girl.

Well thats what I think, but I'm probably wrong! :rotfl:

Ss the rest of us weren't saying stay - just allowing things to sink in gradually.:cool:

Treading_Water

Whoops sorry. I was last here this morning - didn't read to the end.

kathy206

(((((hugs to you HM)))))) You are obviously strong and independant, it sounds like you are raising your daughter pretty much by yourself anyway, and doing a ruddy fine job as well...
This man is insecure, his family are the same, they don't respect you or your daughter. (IMHO) Not much more to add, everyone else has said it before (very eloquently as usual ) Listen to the little voice in the back of your head, don't leave it until you are 10,15 years down the line. You are worth much, much more. Sorry to have ranted hope you are ok, keep posting
love Kathyxx

headoutthesand

hannahsmummy1 wrote: »

i did think about having a break at my parents but ive got no holidays at work & i dont want to mess them around as i enjoy my job, i would have to ask at work, some of the managers are less than sympathetic, but its an option if nothing else.

OMG - big massive hugs to you from me. Everything you are saying about the way you are feeling mirrors me 2 months ago.

Are you aware that you are entitled to take unpaid leave if you have a child under 5?

By law, your employer must allow you. I think it amounts to 12 weeks or something but if you check the government websites there will be a mention there somewhere.

I know it's hard when kids are involved but, like me, deep down you know you have to leave.

Your daughter is your number one priority and you need to think that if he can make you feel like this, it will end up having a major affect on her if she has to grown up in that enviroment.

You might not think she's noticing much just now but she will be. You'll be surprised at how much she is noticing but maybe scared to say something incacse it causes a row.

My 2 boys are 3 and 5 months and since leaving DH 2 months ago life has been great. DS1 does not paly up as much now and is so affectionate towards me its great.

My inlaws are the same. They'll phone him before phoning the house. They have not phoned the house once to see how the boys are - they wait till DH is here visiting and call then.

Your eyes have been opened and i think you just need a confidence boost to get out of it.

Go for it - get you and DD bags packed and go back to your parents. Things happen for a reason and maybe you getting your debts clear happened now to let you be able to live on your own as a single parent. It might be hard but you'll be better off emotionally.

Thats what your little girl needs. A happy mum on her own rather than an angry father and miserable mum.

i'm here to talk to if you want to let off steam. Just PM me.

HOTS

kazmeister

Hannahs mummy - my heart goes out to you. You have got some fantastic support on here and some strong opinions. I too have mine but Its not fair to voice them.
I left my ex husband when my son was 5 (for diff reasons entirely) but months before I left, I spoke to a solicitor about the situation. At that stage I wasnt sure if I wanted to go but he gave me the legal advice I needed to know that would help me make that decision. At the time the CSA only got involved if you were claiming benefits and I wasnt so my dealings were all done by the solicitors and a court agreement, and I got a far better deal than my friend who went through the CSA. If you can, find out which solicitors specialise in family law and speak to them before he has chance to speak to them. I was lucky my friend was studying law and told me who the best were in the town for each speciality. You should get a half hour free session that may be enough to help you decide what to do.
If you do decide to split your daughter will get over it and from what you say she wont be missing too much anyway. My son is 15 next week and he is doing really well and his progress at school is excellent so I wouldnt say it has too negative effect long term.
Good luck, you seem to have fought your battles so far with great strength and I am sure you will fighh the next one with the same courage.

I really wish you well.

Squiggly_Diddly

Hi HM,
hope you're ok??
tillytrippit reminded me of what else i was going to put - photocopy his bank statements etc, including the balance sitting in his savings account - because otherwise if you have to go through the CSA if you can't agree maintenance otherwise, you may find that he denies he has that money & it has disappeared from any bank account...

Stay Strong :-)
Squiggly

GettingThingsDone

((hugs)) to ya HM

tillytrippit reminded me of what else i was going to put - photocopy his bank statements etc, including the balance sitting in his savings account - because otherwise if you have to go through the CSA if you can't agree maintenance otherwise, you may find that he denies he has that money & it has disappeared from any bank account...

Totally agree - Also, how about getting the house valued now, while you are in it? Isn't that half yours too...

Life is too short to wait for him to 'resolve his issues' if he ever does. I'd imagine he spins a complete story to his family about you - I bet they don't know he's such an @rse! I'm half tempted to get a few of us together to pay your £500 debt off, just to see what he picks on you next for... or whether he'll completely change into prince charming.

Everything's going to be alright

gtd