seriously thinking of leaving

hannahsmummy1

hi all - again!

Everyone must think im always on here to moan- and it feels like it is! so to people who know my situation- things have not been so good at home recently. oh was originally ok with the fact that i now only have 593 to pay off, i told him that it would be paid off in a couple of months anyways. so he was fine. or i thought he was, seems he is not fine with it. he started an argument last night saying he wasnt happy as im still in debt. i said it would be paid off. i told him that the previous night he had been fine with that. he had demanded proof that accounts were closed off and 0.00 balance, and i have had a few probs with this. barclays did send me a letter to say that the account was 0.00 but havent confirmed the account was closed- he says this isnt good enough. mint confirmed the account is closed, and virgin owe me money (30 quid) so they are supposed to be sending me that & a letter to say that the account is closed, but with the postal strike & things have been going missing on our street post wise (a card with birthday money in for my daughter & a one of her birthday presents never arrived & a load of letters that should have arrived)

Im desparately unhappy, rang my mum crying last night, shes not happy, my dad isnt either- they want me to leave him, but it has to be my decision. Oh & i had a blazing row last night he tells me all i ever tell him is lies because i didnt tell him about all of this to begin with. All i have done is try & put things right but it seems i need not have bothered. He still doesnt give me any money towards anything, which is not a problem at the moment as i have my own money.

I told him i was seriously thinking of leaving him and he just shouted and told me that all i was after was his money (think he is obsessed) i said i didnt think that was the case since i have not had one penny off him since november last year so i dont know how he works that one out. He is not interested in our daughter what so ever, i lose count the amount of times my family have said i dont know why we bothered to have kids, as he never talks to her, or cuddles or kisses her, never pays her any attention. its all about his son, and that breaks my heart- shes only 3 & luckily she doesnt really notice that he doesnt care about her as she gets all her cuddles, kisses, love & anything else from me.

For two pins i would leave today, i dont want his money, i told him he could shove it last night, that if i didn leave him i wouldnt want any of his money.

sorry to moan & that this is long, but i feel at home here & have been able to talk to people on here before without being judged etc

xxx

hypno06

Aww hun, things don't seem to be getting any better do they?

Only you can make this sort of decision - we would all understand your reasons for leaving, having read all your other posts.

However, whatever you choose to do, you can come on here and rant away whenever you need. We are here for support, finance wise or otherwise.

xx

webitha

hiya there hun
ive been with yu since you joined i just dont post that oftern

all i can say is that only yo can make the decision to leave everyone here is 100% behind you no matter what you decided we are your friend
so you go right ahead and moan away its better than bottling it up
we are not just here for the financial support but emotional one too

oh and bl**dy well done on getting your debts down so far (virtual pat on the back) yo should be proud of yourself we are

hannahsmummy1

no things are most definately not getting any better. i think i was naieve (Sp) to think that things would start to be ok after things had been paid off. Everytime i mention a reason for doing something he sees it as an attack on him and launches into a tirade about how this is NOT his fault, its NOTHING to do with him, why should HE pay for a debt that is NOTHING to do with him, hes worked hard for HIS money- thats all you get from him. Its like he is obsessed with having money im just sick of it

angelavdavis

Sorry to hear you are still having problems with your unsupportive OH.

I think his behaviour is now bordering on controlling bullying in my honest opinion (sorry) I think that your paying off your debts has removed his reason for criticising you, and he is desperately holding excuses to continue putting you down. He is in danger of wrecking your self-confidence, if he hasn't caused the damage already.

Personally, I wouldn't stand for it, but I don't have children so can't understand your situation fully.

Is it worth trying to seek advice from Relate? Even if OH refuses to go with you (which I suspect he will), it might help for you to talk to someone not associated with the family in any way? It will stop you leaving on a spur of an angry moment, and be more rational about your decision.

Penny2myName

hannahsmummy1 wrote: »

him and launches into a tirade about how this is NOT his fault, its NOTHING to do with him, why should HE pay for a debt that is NOTHING to do with him, hes worked hard for HIS money-

I take it he wasn't there at the WEDDING then, which is why the debts were caused in the first place.

Like everyone else has said, we are all here for you. and his coldness to your Daugher is another form of bullying and controlling. She will grow up always trying to please him same as you are now, and never being able to, and believe it is a failure in herself. If you do stay with him, his attitude to his daughter must change.

southwester_2

Can only agree what has been said above but sending you big hugs.

Treading_Water

Sorry if I'm repeating things that have been said before - I'm fairly new here. Surely you are in a partnership? Things shouldn't be about whats mine or yours - but about what is ours. Things would have been a lot easier if you could have worked together over this!
Too often we here of relationships like yours - it appears to me your Oh is unwilling to commit fully - possibly keeping his options open?
Only you can decide what to do for the best - good luck.

Kaz2904

Oh, I'm sorry to hear you're so down.
Do you have anywhere to go should it go pearshaped?
The thing is that he would be parted from money if you left him (if the csa pull their finger out).
Hugs...

wannasavemoney

Dear HM, please try and find some way out of this situation. I know it is difficult to think about leaving when you have a young child together, but a young child needs support and love from both thier parents. It is not fair on you or your daughter to live this way and the only thing i can suggest to help you make your mind up one way or another is to try and speak to someone who you can talk to - relate or some other person who you can discuss all your situation with and who can help you work things out as it seems that the same thing keeps going round and round in your head and you need to discuss this all properly to help you make some tough decisions. I sincerly hope you can sort this out - lots of hugs and well done on the debt busting so far. You should be proud of yourself and don't let your oh spoil that enjoyment at least. Keep strong.

hannahsmummy1

i slept in my daughters room last night as i couldnt stand to be around him. Its not just him that treats my daughter like that. His whole family are the same. His mum has told me countless times that he loves his son more than our daughter, his brother has only seen her twice & shes 3 now, his cousin e-mails him a lot & recently oh's son was in a football tournament, everyone was invited, apart from me! I dont know what ive done to warrant that type of behaviour! Well then oh's mum was on the phone to all & sundry & the cousin sent an e-mail to us- our daughter wasnt even mentioned until the last sentence- like an after thought almost! I wasnt even mentioned at all! Thats the kind of thing i have to put up with.