seriously thinking of leaving

Seaxwyn

Hannahsmummy, well done for paying those debts and for standing up for yourself and your daughter.

I completely understand your reasons for considering leaving your husband. He sounds as if he will never give you the respect and support you deserve.

After doing nothing to help you with your debts he has no right at all to demand to see statements - that is out of order.

Talking to Relate is a good idea, and might help you be clear in your mind what your feelings are. But if you know what you want already, everyone on here understands and is rooting for you all the way.

*zippy*

Sending you a hug HM. I really feel for you hun as we all know how hard you have worked at it with him, but you deserve to be happy :grouphug: It's never going to be an easy decision when their are children involved, but you need to do whats best for you and your DD. What about having a break for a couple of weeks at your parents just to clear your head and have a think about things.

hannahsmummy1

i did think about having a break at my parents but ive got no holidays at work & i dont want to mess them around as i enjoy my job, i would have to ask at work, some of the managers are less than sympathetic, but its an option if nothing else.

smudgemanc26

HI HM

Sorry to hear things are not getting any better with your OH i thought they would have done seeing as your well on your way to being debt free - a big WELL DONE to you for achieving it all on your own. I thought at least your OH would appreciate your efforts and give you help and support but obviously not by the sounds of it! :mad:

I agree with the OP you need to do whats right for you and your daughter life is too short to be unhappy.

Feel free to come and rant when you want to its better than keeping it to yourself and getting upset. Theres loads of lovely people on here to help, offer advice and support when its needed.

I think you should be very proud of yourself for sorting out your debts and if your OH cant see what you have achieved then its his problem, he sounds like he's too wrapped up in money himself to concentrate on the more important things in life.

I do hope you feel better soon and good luck in your decision i wish you all the best x

Fidget

Hi Hannahsmummy,

Sorry you are having a bad time. Have not seen your other threads so not up to speed, do you have more than one child with him or is son from a previous relationship of his? Do you have a mortgage? Would you have somewhere to go if you did split?

The reason I ask these things is that obviously the answer to them could possibly make you leaving much harder. But not impossible. You say you have your own money - so that would help.

I left my partner (was not married though so I realise that it wasn't the same as your situ) when our daughter was 1 yr old. I would have made any excuse for him in order for us to stay together (for the sake of little one) I put up with his indifference, that he would stay away from home for more than 100 hrs per week for a job where his hours were only 15-20 (God knows where he was), sulkiness along with texts from 18-yr-old girls on his mobile (:rolleyes: ahhh that's where he was!). I fooled myself, ignoring my gut instincts about him, so that I could believe that one day it would all fall into place and we'd be a happy little family.

One day during one of his sulks I broke down in tears as I was sick of making the effort for no return. I'd made sure his tea was on the table and I was all spruced up, excited for his return from work. He was late and just slumped there in a chair in silence watching the television. I was sitting right next to him sobbing my heart out and he just carried on watching the television. I knew then that things were never going to get any better and I thought that if I was going to put my kid through a break-up I would do it when she was still young enough not to fully understand and blame herself and sense how unhappy things were.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that you should ask yourself if deep inside you know this isn't what you want and you are not kidding yourself that things will somehow work out. He sounds like he's controlling you. You've done well in addressing your debt problems, I wish I was only that amount in debt! He should be relieved that things are getting better not harranging you about it. When you clear that off - will he then home in on something else.

I am so glad that I made the decision to leave but you must question yourself if there is something worth saving here before your confidence is shot to pieces. If the immediate answer is yes then he must be willing to work through them with you otherwise it's a losing battle. If the answer is no - life is too short to waste on something you know isn't going to work.

Good luck and I hope my ramblings have helped in someway.

x

LJD1_2

Hiya
Just wanted to add my support. Look at how well you've done getting your debt down and at what a good mum you are to your little girl. You have to make all the decisions about this yourself but I just wanted to remind you that you are a someone and not a no-one as some people seem to be treating you.
Take care of yourself xx

southernscouser

I'm gonna put my neck on the line here and go against the majority and say ditch him.

He sounds like an @sshole if I'm being honest.

He is scared. Scared that you don't need him. You are an independant woman, you can pay your own way, and your debts on top of that, and you can clearly bring up a fantastic little girl on your own without any help.

He knows you can do better than him and you deserve better than him. And so does your little girl.

Well thats what I think, but I'm probably wrong! :rotfl:

lynzpower

OH op I do feel for you.

im inclined to agree with SS here.

xxx

hannahsmummy1

thanks for all your lovely replies. Im just in pieces at the moment. we have only been married a year & i feel that i should work at it for our daughters sake, but im banging my head against a brick wall sometimes. He refuses to believe that we are BOTH responsible for this mess. He just point blank refuses to admit that any of this was caused by him too- where i have recognised im to blame too. I dont have any dealings with the mortage because of my credit rating i was declined for it & when we moved here, it was my decision to stay off the mortgage. His son is from his previous marriage (im the 3rd wife!) and i dont have anywhere immediate to go, to get to my parents i would have to get a flight to them. I could stay with my grandparents in birmingham which is a couple of hours away but i could easily get there today for example. Some days i think that our marriage is worth saving because we do get on sometimes- there are good times but these days the bad times totally outweigh any good times. Im weighing up my options at the moment. My daughter is completely oblivious to anything going on which is good.

My dad just rang me before to see if i was ok and it was all i could do to not cry when i was on the phone to him. Just so messed up right now

Thanks for all your lovely replies- means a lot!

xxx

natters_2

Seems to me that now you have managed to pay off BOTH yours and his debts (makes no difference what he says - that's what you have actually done) he is now looking for other ways to put you down. Only you know how much more of this you can take - but even though you believe your daughter doesn't see what is going on - I am sure it must be affecting her - kids need giving alot more credit as to what goes on than they get. Do you think she will be happier growing up in the situation you are in now - or just the 2 of you - maybe less well off financially, but a heck of alot more well off emotionally? - Your parents seem very supportive, so your daughter will have all the love and attention she needs - as for him and the in laws - personally I think they are the losers - not your daughter.

Kids always make their own minds up and will surprise you with their appreciation of what goes on

My inlaws are the same - they always favoured one over the other, They now complain bitterly that my daughter never phones, sends cards on birthdays, xmas, etc - her reply is - you never bothered with me all my life - why should I bother about you?