seriously thinking of leaving

Verbatim

If you're not on the mortgage (or share ownership on the deeds or at the Land registry???) I think you should investigate putting a charge on the house. I forget the correct phrase but as a wife you can do this so that if the house is sold you have to agree and can arrange to receive a share. The CAB can help you organize this.

Skint_Catt

I really feel for you in a situation like this, but reading Lucy's post made me think that leaving could be the right thing to do.

C xx

chunky79

I don't know any of the story but the OP gave me an idea. Personally i think you have done a fabulous job to cear all of those debt all by yourself with no financial help from your partner at all. Big pat on the back for you hun.

With regards to your daughter, i have been there hun and its not nice. Really i cannot advice on how to tackle it as i divorced my husband what is crazy i have a partner now been with him 6 years we have 4 children in total and 2 are his yet he treats them all the same. Its nice now to be settled and you can have that too. Its a descision only you can make. Also his family sound like total shíts. I really do think you need a huge pat on the back for having to deal with them without commiting a crime!!!

Its seems to me that the relationship is in quite a turmoil and you need to seriously think whether or not your serious enough to want to leave take a look around and if you feel that you no longer belong then its time to go. i left my ex on many occasion but the last time this is what i did and i have never looked back. I was fortunate enough to be able to move into my parents hosue to get back on my feet.

Your take care of yourself and your daughter, heres a great bug cyber hug for you (((( )))):grouphug:

hannahsmummy1

once again thanks to all your lovely replies- i dont know what to say! I dont even know what to do. Im in a predicament really because i dont have anyone who can help out with our daughter if i am to go through with leaving. I told my dad before i just dont think he would put up a fight to stop me from going. He hasnt rang me today, he will more than likely not be home till late tonight as i am not working tonight and when he does arrive home he will more than likely not even bother to speak to Hannah. Im still crying, havent even had a wash or got dressed today. When we have had arguments before i have never felt like this. He told me last night i was dragging him down by being in debt- we dont have anything in joint names so i dont understand that. I should have listened to the warning bells when his ex wife said things like he wouldnt let other children come & play in their house when their son was little- i just feel its history repeating itself, funny though because everytime we have an argument she gets mentioned & he tells me that she was just like me- now i was never any good at maths but two against one - i know who i would be inclined to believe now! Im probably going to log off now, have some lunch & take my daughter to the park for some fresh air- this house is doing my head in.

To all of those who have replied re the house- i dont have my name on the mortage but i wouldnt want anything from the house or anything else. He is so obsessed by money, he even told me last night that all i was interested in was his money- i actually laughed in his face about this- funny that since november last year he hasnt given me a penny for anything- im sure after his money arent i?!

once again thanks for all replies!

xxx

evab_2

I too agree with the majority here, he obviously doesn't respect you or treat as a human being let alone his wife of 1 year. You have shown how determined you are by paying off your debts with no support other than the fantastic people on this board.

My parents split when I was 16 (in the week I was sitting my exams!) and I wish they had done it much much sooner, my mum didn't deserved the treatment she used to get from him or his family and it's hard for kids to see that continuously over time.

If it's not right and you've tried to fix it then there is no shame in calling it a day, you are entitled to be happy with your daughter and no-one should put you down, especially not the person who is meant to be your rock, your support and loves you.

Ultimately it's up to you to make the decision but when you've made the choice ask your family and friends for help, they will be there for you.

You're nearly debt free:T, perhaps this should be a new start?

Sending you my best wishes and hope something positive comes out of this horrible experience.

Ev x

JoKay_2

Just wanted to send you my thoughts and best wishes, HM!!

xx

trulymadlydeeply_indebt!

Hi Hannahsmummy

I have days when I feel just like you and understand you probably have conflicting messages going around and around in your head 24/7, driving you completely crackers!

I think you know what must be done and I completely understand your reluctance to take the steps you need to.

As other posters have said, do your homework before you decide to leave and remember there is NO SHAME in leaving.

Are you on speaking terms with his ex wife then? Could you go and have a frank chat with her and see if history is repeating itself. She may be able to give you pointers on how she ended it once and for all. Sisterhood is very powerful when there's an ex involved - she'll probably back you all the way!

Well done on the debtbusting - only wish I could do mine so quickly. :T

trulymadlydeeply_indebt!

Also wanted to say, how could anybody not be moved by Lucy's post. Lots of wise words from one so young!

Thanks Lucy

DontDoDebtKids

hannahsmummy1 wrote: »

once again thanks to all your lovely replies- i dont know what to say! I dont even know what to do. Im in a predicament really because i dont have anyone who can help out with our daughter if i am to go through with leaving. I told my dad before i just dont think he would put up a fight to stop me from going. He hasnt rang me today, he will more than likely not be home till late tonight as i am not working tonight and when he does arrive home he will more than likely not even bother to speak to Hannah. Im still crying, havent even had a wash or got dressed today. When we have had arguments before i have never felt like this. He told me last night i was dragging him down by being in debt- we dont have anything in joint names so i dont understand that. I should have listened to the warning bells when his ex wife said things like he wouldnt let other children come & play in their house when their son was little- i just feel its history repeating itself, funny though because everytime we have an argument she gets mentioned & he tells me that she was just like me- now i was never any good at maths but two against one - i know who i would be inclined to believe now! Im probably going to log off now, have some lunch & take my daughter to the park for some fresh air- this house is doing my head in.

To all of those who have replied re the house- i dont have my name on the mortage but i wouldnt want anything from the house or anything else. He is so obsessed by money, he even told me last night that all i was interested in was his money- i actually laughed in his face about this- funny that since november last year he hasnt given me a penny for anything- im sure after his money arent i?!

once again thanks for all replies!

xxx

I really don't think you should leave him with nothing. Go for everything you can get - it'll serve him right. It will be one of those self-fulfilling prophecies.

LJD1_2

Hiya
Just popped back in to say hello. You're doing the best thing by getting all the facts you can then make an informed decision about what you want to do rather than just leaving and then panicking. I hope that things work out perfectly for you whatever you decide to do xx