seriously thinking of leaving

racer256

HiI've just read you post. My mum kicked my Dad out of the house when I was 11. It was the best thing she ever did. He has never changed he is still selfish and does what he wants! She stopped when he started to get violent!We had the best of the both worlds mum & dad. It will be Hannahs choice if she maintains contact. It sounds like he hasn't learnt his lessons from his past marriages. I think you should make plans on what to do don't tell anyone and kick him out of the house. Just throw all of his belongings out & change the locks! Save up some cash even if it means putting up with him for a couple of months. Do it for your daughter & her self esteem.Like everyone has said it is your choice but if my partner (I don't have any kids) treated me like that I would plan my escape. Stand strong even if you don't feel it.Also I want to say well done on reducing your down to £500 I am really impressed with your determination. You can do whatever you put your mind to. I hope everything works out ok. Keep us posted.

DIRTY_CASH

Hi - I have only been here 5 minutes and don't know you that well but my heart goes out to you HM.

This man is a bully as you know. Please don't let him ruin your self esteem you are a strong woman and a fabulous mum who deserves better than this. A husband is supposed to be the rock to which we can cling when we get down or when times are bad offering support or a shoulder to cry on when we need one. They should also be there right at the front supporting you in your battles - no standing on the sidelines sniping at you and running you down. Its far from my business to assume anything but he is wearing you down like my best mates ex partner did to her. She had two small kids and the best ting she ever did was make the break - it was the toughest thing in her life. But she came back stronger and got the respect and love she so deserved. I saw my fabulouse strong talented beautiful friend reduced to a shell of woman quaking in front of an emotionally crippled verbal bully. Make the break - even if it is just so you get get some space between you to clearly evalauate this relationship. I don't know how to send those hugs thingies or I would send you a million!!!
You are Hannah's Mummy - You both deserve the best.

misery-able

Totally agree with SS, Chevalier and many of the other posters. I too have read some of your other posts and immediately thought you should get out of this controlled existence you have been enduring. I lived with a controlling man, indeed had a child with him, at the time I was miserable most of the time, my confidence had been eroded, I had no freedom, money or happiness. I didn't have a life. When our son came along things worsened and I started to plan my escape, like other posters have mentioned, you need to be strong and get the facts and figures, it sounds awful but you are entitled to it and any money can help your daughters future. From experience, get it whilst you can because I'm sure it sounds as if he would do anything possible to avoid paying you your due amount. I contacted csa, solicitor etc for advice and each baby step I took I became stronger, and it was nice to feel empowered with knowledge for once - silly as it sounds I felt as if I was taking some of the power back.(as he was totally oblivious to my plans, he was so conceited I think he thought I wouldn't dare go). I knew I was going to leave at some point, I just had to wait until I was ready. Sadly, in my case the situation became violent and he harmed our child. I fled the next day with what I could carry and haven't looked back since. I can't pretend its been an easy journey, but I do not regret leaving for a second, just wish I had done it sooner. Obviously nobody can make the decision for you, I just hope whatever you decide you find happiness - you honestly deserve it. Good luck!

RAS

Hi HM

How are things.

I am not going to tell you whether to stay or go.

What I would say is thay you need to take a bit of time to really get a clear idea of how you would be if you go.

Is there any way of getting someone to look after DD while you see a solicitor. I think you need to know where you stand. It is not what you entitled to, but what is best for her.

It is quite possible that you would be allowed to live in the house at least for a while, as the court would want to protect your child. It is nothing to do with the fact that his name is on the deeds. And yes, he will have to pay maintenance.

Are you getting the free nursery sessions for DD now? Not sure what the rules are for 4 year olds. When is her birthday.

Given how close you are paying off the wedding costs, can you hold on til those are sorted and you can put a little bit away as a slush fund. One of my friends kept her Building Society book at work so that OH did not know she had any brass of her own.

Dithering_Dad

Hi HM, I've just caught up with this thread, and I remember the original one you did when you agonised whether or not to revealed the debt to your husband. It seemed in the original post that once it had sunk in, he seemed to become almost human and promised to help - though as I recall he did somehow try and blame it all on your parents. However a leopard cannot change it's spots and so he's now reverted back to how he really is.

The thing you have to remember is that while he doesn't seem to think that a husband should provide for his wife and kids, the law certainly does. If I were you I would consult a solicitor because it would not surprise me that far from you and your daughter having to leave his home and try to find somewhere else, it could be he who has to go. Or at least he will be forced to sell up and give you part of his housing equity.

Although you don't want his money, you do need to make sure you and your daughter are provided for, so seek legal advice and take it from there.

Whatever you decide, whether to stay or to go. Good luck and big hugs.

P.S. I don't want to influence your decision and I know that there are two sides to every story. But make sure your third thread is called "I left the sh*tty B*stard and I feel f*cking great!!"

(sorry about the language )

sammy115

Dithering_Dad wrote: »

P.S. I don't want to influence your decision and I know that there are two sides to every story. But make sure your third thread is called "I left the sh*tty B*stard and I feel f*cking great!!"

(sorry about the language )

Although this is no laughing matter, that made me laugh out loud.....:o

Dithering_Dad

sammy115 wrote: »

Although this is no laughing matter, that made me laugh out loud.....:o

It isn't a laughing matter, but sometimes it's good to use humour to make a point.

I mean really, is there anyone in the whole of DFW land who things HM should stay with this rotten bloke?

It makes my blood boil now just as it did when she posted the original thread.

kazmeister

sammy115 wrote: »

Although this is no laughing matter, that made me laugh out loud.....:o

me too - and did you know that it will not submit your message if it is less than 10 characters long !!

millionaire_in_training

Hannah;s mummy. I was married to a mental bully. He was never violent but the mental cruelty was vast. I didn't realise I was abused until I filled out a questionnaire for my health visitor and it said I was at high risk.I have 2 kids and he wrecked our lives with gambling and drinking. The cruel twas he made me believe it was all my fault. I remember I missed a mortgage payment to buy Christmas presents for the kids because I had no money and he freaked. Told me I was stupid. He just didn't get the fact that I was short of cash cos he kept stealing it off me. He then had the damn cheek to leave me for someone else:rotfl: .

I cant thank that girl enough to be honest. He still lies constantly, still makes false promises but these days I can read him like a book and find him a big fat joke. Although I am still in debt I know if I am skint it is down to me. I have control of my life and my finances and to top it all I have 2 amazing kids who thank god dont have much influence on them from him. Life is good !! If you want to go it alone I know it is scary but you will become strong and will Manage. Take care.

smashedbooboo

Millionaire in training, Do you know ou really hit a nerve with me. Most people think that abuse is physical. Its not. Sometimes mental abuse can be just as bad. At times i wished my ex would just slap me in the face or give me a really good hiding. Am i mental myself for thinking that. No. Mental abuse is constant. Like a dog nibbling at a bone, On and on and on. And please anyone out there that has the physical abuse, please please do not take offence, But this is for you babe. If you are not sure about things then think long and hard chick. And if you do have a problem and you do not want to post it on open forum i am more thqn positive you can PM anyone of us for a chat or advice. I believe that goes for anyone of us. You are never alone. Big hugs hun. Do what you think is right for you. None of us live in an ivory tower. Just know that we are here for you. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx