Not posted for a while...

Confusedandneedhelp

Basically things keep going wrong.

Won't note with the details but suffice to say me and my ex need some serious time apart.

I guess the only real reason for the post is to ask one question. How many people really get back together with their ex after some serious time apart.

It may be pathetic, but we have 3 kids. And I do want to fix things.

ska_lover

It can be done - I think whether you do give things another go, mainly depends on the reasons for needing to take a break in the first place - eg if it is a personal issue between the two of you, or more seriously if there is a third party involved

Questions to contemplate might be:- (Im not asking/expecting answers btw)

- Can these things be fixed? The reason for spending time apart
- How will you stop these issues reoccuring in the future?
- How will you deal with these issues if they do reoccur
- Can you both move on, without recrimination
- How badly you both want it to work - is the love still there

Sometimes a break is an amazing thing to happen to a relationship - and you CAN come back stronger from it.

BrassicWoman

You haven't actually listened to anything anyone said on your last thread, have you?

So I am not sure why people would bother posting the same good advice to have it ignored again.

time to go to court and firm up access for your actual kid.

FBaby

How many people really get back together with their ex after some serious time apart.

That question doesn't relate to your situation though. You haven't spend serious time apart, and the question is about whether people get back together after serious deception, cheating and lying.

I think you will find that few do because the one doing the deceiving rarely have a good reason to explain their actions let alone the willingness to change their attitude.

Nikkisun

Me and my husband split up (his choice) in 2002 for 6 months (my youngest son was 2 at the time) and then got back together. To be honest getting back together was the worst thing we could have done, it was great at first but then all the issues that caused the split in the first place (lying, cheating, gambling) reared up again and we basically limped along with the marriage until 2011 when I called time and asked him to leave, the divorce was finalised last month and I'm happier than I've been in a long time.

Ozzuk

I was wondering how you were doing. We can only assume from your brief post that things aren't working perhaps because you couldn't keep it together and just be there for the kids, apologies if that is incorrect.

If it is correct, then its only been a few weeks, you can't undo years of issues just like that and you've had plenty of advice for positive action you could take. Yes it sucks its happening and yes you may have to face up to the fact you guys will never sort this out, but be there for the kids and do your job as their father. 'serious time apart' is not weeks, could be months, years after the issues you've described previously.

Morglin

If it has got up the point of a 'trial seperation', without being resolved, then it's unlikely to ever be mended.

Limping along giving it another go isn't always the answer - best to sort out the kids, and then call it a day.

If it didn't work once, why would it work at the second attempt?


Lin

Confusedandneedhelp

ska_lover wrote: »

It can be done - I think whether you do give things another go, mainly depends on the reasons for needing to take a break in the first place - eg if it is a personal issue between the two of you, or more seriously if there is a third party involved

Questions to contemplate might be:- (Im not asking/expecting answers btw)

- Can these things be fixed? The reason for spending time apart
- How will you stop these issues reoccuring in the future?
- How will you deal with these issues if they do reoccur
- Can you both move on, without recrimination
- How badly you both want it to work - is the love still there

Sometimes a break is an amazing thing to happen to a relationship - and you CAN come back stronger from it.

Basically the short version is we were together 3.5 years, have a child together and two who know me as dad. Reason for the break up was basically taking the family for granted. Now I realise my mistakes, but things have gotten worse. So I know that time apart is required. Atleast 6 months.

But I will answer:
1: yes I think they can be fixed. The issues were a build up over time and not a single serious event. I think with time to heal wounds the feelings would return.
2: I'm going to spend the time apart improving myself - gym, healthier eating, being more domesticated.
3: I think there are always some problems. But it's how we deal with them that counts and something we could work on.
4: do u mean can we both get passed the previous issues without hate or can we both move on seperately?
5: I don't know. Sometimes I think there's still serious love there. Sometimes I don't. There's a lot if hurt still.

My one real sore point is she's got a new friend who she has a kiss and a cuddle with ( apparently that's all it is ) and I find that really hard to accept ( and frankly to believe ).

Transformers

Confusedandneedhelp wrote: »

Basically things keep going wrong.

Won't note with the details but suffice to say me and my ex need some serious time apart.

I guess the only real reason for the post is to ask one question. How many people really get back together with their ex after some serious time apart.

It may be pathetic, but we have 3 kids. And I do want to fix things.

Why?

Just why?

purpleshoes_2

Confusedandneedhelp wrote: »

Basically the short version is we were together 3.5 years, have a child together and two who know me as dad. Reason for the break up was basically taking the family for granted. Now I realise my mistakes, but things have gotten worse. So I know that time apart is required. Atleast 6 months.

But I will answer:
1: yes I think they can be fixed. The issues were a build up over time and not a single serious event. I think with time to heal wounds the feelings would return.
2: I'm going to spend the time apart improving myself - gym, healthier eating, being more domesticated.
3: I think there are always some problems. But it's how we deal with them that counts and something we could work on.
4: do u mean can we both get passed the previous issues without hate or can we both move on seperately?
5: I don't know. Sometimes I think there's still serious love there. Sometimes I don't. There's a lot if hurt still.

My one real sore point is she's got a new friend who she has a kiss and a cuddle with ( apparently that's all it is ) and I find that really hard to accept ( and frankly to believe ).

You made a comment on a previous thread about her having 3 kids by 3 different men. Im not sure how much respect there is between you both never mind love.

I think your relationship is over going by the stuff you posted on other threads, but you are struggling to accept it.

Putting a time apart of 6 months on things is going to be of no use to you if she has already moved on.

Confusedandneedhelp

BrassicWoman wrote: »

You haven't actually listened to anything anyone said on your last thread, have you?

So I am not sure why people would bother posting the same good advice to have it ignored again.

time to go to court and firm up access for your actual kid.

Thank u and sorry. Sometimes emotions and feelings are harder to overcome even with great advice.

I am now concentrating in the kids. Not contacting her at all outside of that.

I know I should live in the present, not get depressed about the past or anxious over the future. Obviously it's be nice to be a family and I guess it's be nice to hear how for some people it has worked out