Not posted for a while...

BrassicWoman

Confusedandneedhelp wrote: »

Thanks, think ur right.

Got the kids tonight, so looking forward to spending the evening playing FIFA and eating junk good

That sounds better. Hope you had fun!

ska_lover

how did your evening go, OP?

Confusedandneedhelp

That's a question and a half.

Yesterday and this morning was great. Played games, watched DVD, went to the park and to feed the ducks. Really nice time. And I then had the two older to watch the Russia game.

This evening, confusing. Ex was saying how sad she is at the situation and how it's such a shame we didn't work out. How the kids clearly miss me.

Dunno what to make of it all. We spoke for an hour at her place, another hour on the phone later. Just general chat mostly. Was nice.

I'm not jumping in with both feet. Just hard to read her sometimes. She says I don't listen sometimes, but other times says I should read between the lines.

I'm sticking to the timetable and letting her get in touch when or if she does.

Confusedandneedhelp

And still abit confused. This morning we spoke. About working towards friendship. But she's unsure about a relationship. Again, taking this at face value I'm not rushing anything.

Just so confusing.

unicorn1984

I can totally relate to your situation. Me and my partner are in this situation at the moment (we were meant to be working through it, but this weekend we had a small row and he has decided he thinks we should end things... again)

He is also sending me many mixed messages, saying he loves me, doesn't want to lose me etc. I am starting to look for somewhere to live with my 2 year old son (from my marriage, not his child), and last time I did this (had a viewing last weekend), he freaked out and panicked and decided we should try again to make things work.

I have changed so much during this time (its been about 2 1/2 months since it all started, he moved out for 5 weeks, came back, we have tried couples counselling, he has issues with over-analysing things, looking for cracks and picking holes in pretty much every situation ), and I don't recognise the person I am turning into. I feel that the only way to get anything back from this is to leave. I need to for my own sanity at this point!! He is so confusing, he says he doesn't know what he wants, he doesn't know if he is ready for the whole thing, and its causing damage to our relationship, and he doesn't want to run the risk of us not being able to stay friends.

He keeps saying that he thinks he will regret the decision and maybe in 6 months we can try again. Don't know how I feel about putting my life on hold for 6 months to see if he wants to try again, after all this!

If I were you I would just keep yourself busy and spend as much time with your kids as you can. Try not to contact her unless it relates to the kids, the whole thing with this other man is weird though, I wouldn't be happy with that at all......

I know how you feel. People posting have said you have been a bit irrational, and I can totally relate. I have been up and down, back and forth these past couple of months. Sometimes changing what I want on an hourly basis. Its hard!

I hope you can find happiness, either with her or without. Sounds like you need to put some space between the 2 of you right now as its still so raw xx

Confusedandneedhelp

unicorn1984 wrote: »

I can totally relate to your situation. Me and my partner are in this situation at the moment (we were meant to be working through it, but this weekend we had a small row and he has decided he thinks we should end things... again)

He is also sending me many mixed messages, saying he loves me, doesn't want to lose me etc. I am starting to look for somewhere to live with my 2 year old son (from my marriage, not his child), and last time I did this (had a viewing last weekend), he freaked out and panicked and decided we should try again to make things work.

I have changed so much during this time (its been about 2 1/2 months since it all started, he moved out for 5 weeks, came back, we have tried couples counselling, he has issues with over-analysing things, looking for cracks and picking holes in pretty much every situation ), and I don't recognise the person I am turning into. I feel that the only way to get anything back from this is to leave. I need to for my own sanity at this point!! He is so confusing, he says he doesn't know what he wants, he doesn't know if he is ready for the whole thing, and its causing damage to our relationship, and he doesn't want to run the risk of us not being able to stay friends.

He keeps saying that he thinks he will regret the decision and maybe in 6 months we can try again. Don't know how I feel about putting my life on hold for 6 months to see if he wants to try again, after all this!

If I were you I would just keep yourself busy and spend as much time with your kids as you can. Try not to contact her unless it relates to the kids, the whole thing with this other man is weird though, I wouldn't be happy with that at all......

I know how you feel. People posting have said you have been a bit irrational, and I can totally relate. I have been up and down, back and forth these past couple of months. Sometimes changing what I want on an hourly basis. Its hard!

I hope you can find happiness, either with her or without. Sounds like you need to put some space between the 2 of you right now as its still so raw xx

It's difficult isn't it. Don't know if you're coming or going. I think time and distance is the way forward though. If u think u can handle 6 months.

unicorn1984

Confusedandneedhelp wrote: »

It's difficult isn't it. Don't know if you're coming or going. I think time and distance is the way forward though. If u think u can handle 6 months.

We definitely need time and distance, although I won't be moving too far as my son is in nursery full time, and he has already moved once this year so I refuse to upset him anymore than I have to by moving home and nursery too! We also share a group of friends (all of his, but I have known them for almost 2 years and consider them mine too), so I will still see him occasionally in that group.

He said to me this morning that he knows if its a mistake, that he knows he will have to move heaven and Earth to have a chance of getting me back, but I refuse to spend the next 6 months hanging on thinking it will come to that, so moving forward is what I am going to do. Concentrate on making a life for me and my son!

How often do you see your kids? x

Confusedandneedhelp

unicorn1984 wrote: »

We definitely need time and distance, although I won't be moving too far as my son is in nursery full time, and he has already moved once this year so I refuse to upset him anymore than I have to by moving home and nursery too! We also share a group of friends (all of his, but I have known them for almost 2 years and consider them mine too), so I will still see him occasionally in that group.

He said to me this morning that he knows if its a mistake, that he knows he will have to move heaven and Earth to have a chance of getting me back, but I refuse to spend the next 6 months hanging on thinking it will come to that, so moving forward is what I am going to do. Concentrate on making a life for me and my son!

How often do you see your kids? x

Not often enough!

At the moment twice a week. That's the hardest part. Not having them to come home to.

Thankfully that's something I know will increase.

Is he going to maintain a relationship with your son?

2 of my kids aren't biologically mine, but I'm their dad. But obviously everyone is different and I don't know what relationship they have ( ur son and ur 'ex')

unicorn1984

God, I wish my ex (husband, not yet divorced but looking to soon!), wanted to see his son more! He see's him every other weekend, despite only living 20 minutes away......

He says the thought of not seeing me and my son makes him really upset, but I don't know how much he can realistically be involved in my sons life if we aren't a couple. I don't want to stop him seeing my son if he wants to, but I also don't want my son getting confused?

I guess I will just have to see what happens! Do you see all 3 of the kids twice a week?

Confusedandneedhelp

unicorn1984 wrote: »

God, I wish my ex (husband, not yet divorced but looking to soon!), wanted to see his son more! He see's him every other weekend, despite only living 20 minutes away......

He says the thought of not seeing me and my son makes him really upset, but I don't know how much he can realistically be involved in my sons life if we aren't a couple. I don't want to stop him seeing my son if he wants to, but I also don't want my son getting confused?

I guess I will just have to see what happens! Do you see all 3 of the kids twice a week?

That's shocking. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't see them for 2 weeks!

Ur current/not sure partner sounds like he might not be ready for family life? I don't honestly know ofcourse, but very rarely would someone intentionally break up to want to get back together unless serious changes need to take place?

Ye I see all three. Thankfully tgeir donors never stick around and it's just me.