D-i-L cutting us off, no reason, how to respond?

Person_one

On the issue of receiving no acknowledgement for gifts, I also have to wonder why you see this as an issue with your daughter in law but not your son. Has he thanked you but not her? If so then surely that's on behalf of the whole family? If neither of them have thanked you, why aren't you upset with both?

Wilma33

usignuolo wrote: »

One night when we were invited round there to dinner, she refused to feed us and our son had to go out and buy us some soup.

What do you mean "refused to feed us"? If there was food in the house why didn't your son cook it? If there wasn't, why hadn't he got some in before you arrived for dinner if he had invited you?!


To me this sounds like your son invited you around without mentioning it to his wife and then expected her to produce food out of thin air and cook it for him and his parents. She said "Sod it, they are your parents, you invited them without tell me, we have no food in so you can sort it out".


The same is true with thank yous and acknowledgments. Why is your son not acknowledging the gifts? You are his parents, not hers.

peachyprice

usignuolo wrote: »

When we got home, my OH said he would like to stay in touch with the progress of his grand daughter on whom he dotes, and suggested I get in touch to ask if we could skype for time to time at weekends. She emailed back to say they would be too busy.

I know you have a multitude of little niggles but this one stood out for me. I would use any reason not to skype too, it really just isn't my thing and makes me cringe. I never skyped my mum when she lived in Australia, I've never skyped my brother who lives there, or any other family members who use it either. I just don't like it.

Mojisola

usignuolo wrote: »

When we got home, my OH said he would like to stay in touch with the progress of his grand daughter on whom he dotes, and suggested I get in touch to ask if we could skype for time to time at weekends. She emailed back to say they would be too busy. I also sent some things for the children but got no acknowledgement of this. Indeed after saying they could not skype she has never contacted me since, although our son keeps in touch.

It's impossible for us to know why she has changed towards you - if your son won't tell you, then you can't really do anything about it.

Could it be an accumulation of little things? One of the big complaints on the MIL thread is that some MILs seem to expect their DILs to do things that their husbands are perfectly able to do - like thanking family for presents, sending birthday cards, organising food for visitors, etc.

If your son keeps in regular contact, why can't he arrange a skype session for his daughter and you two?

Lily-Rose_3

Mojisola wrote: »

It's impossible for us to know why she has changed towards you - if your son won't tell you, then you can't really do anything about it.

Could it be an accumulation of little things? One of the big complaints on the MIL thread is that some MILs seem to expect their DILs to do things that their husbands are perfectly able to do - like thanking family for presents, sending birthday cards, organising food for visitors, etc.

If your son keeps in regular contact, why can't he arrange a skype session for his daughter and you two?

^^^^^ This. As per usual, it's the woman/mother of the children that is always expected to do everything, and God forbid she doesn't. Seems to me with most MILs that if their son DOES do it and not little wifey, then little wifey will be frowned upon for not executing her 'duties.'

I don't know the exact ins and outs here, but the OP is obviously upset, but she needs to talk to her SON about it. Two wee babies under school age suggests the Canadian lady would be cream crackered and cranky, and has enough to deal with! Talk to him and cut her some slack.

Buzzybee90

Lily-Rose wrote: »

^^^^^ This. As per usual, it's the woman/mother of the children that is always expected to do everything, and God forbid she doesn't. Seems to me with most MILs that if their son DOES do it and not little wifey, then little wifey will be frowned upon for not executing her 'duties.'

I don't know the exact ins and outs here, but the OP is obviously upset, but she needs to talk to her SON about it. Two wee babies under school age suggests the Canadian lady would be cream crackered and cranky, and has enough to deal with! Talk to him and cut her some slack.

This...!

Message too short.

System

Have you criticised her at all to your son? Theres a chance your son could have told her what you had said in a row or in a normal conversation. That would be enough for her to put the barriers up.

Unless she feels that she has got her man and doesn't want to take his family on as hers. Selfish attitude but it could explain a lot.

mogwai

I think your son has been remiss more than she has - you are his parents and why should you as the grandparents be asked to wait to see your own grandchildren while his wife's extended family visit?

As pp suggested, suggest skyping with your son - I'm sure he is as capable of doing this as his wife is!

This may not be the best approach but I would reduce contact with the DIL as she is clearly signalling that she is not interested, and keep in contact with your grandchildren through your son.

JIL

The thing that stands out for me is your son putting you off when you say you would like to visit to see the new baby. He asks you to leave it for a few months as she is busy with family.
You are the baby's grandparent.
How was your relationship with your son when he was growing up?
Your son is very much caught in the middle. But he also holds the key.
You may have to have a heartfelt conversation with him if you want to get some answers but this will be very difficult other than face to face.

princeofpounds

If it's not the division of responsibilities/blame thing, then my bet would be an argument between her and your son.

If you are going to get some understanding of this, you'll have to be frank I asking your son what is going on. He may not want to tell you everything, but he might be able to assure you whether it is something to have done or not. Just be prepared for something you might find silly or offensive (also reasons to withhold the reasoning) and don't take it to heart. Do you think you can get a straight answer out of him?