D-i-L cutting us off, no reason, how to respond?

savingmummy

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

Maybe she's just very close with her parents and feels like you're her husbands family and not hers.

Really? I`m sure a huge majority of woman are very close to their parents, but still class their in laws as family.
Hardly an excuse to be rude, ignorant and selfish without a good valid reason.

bagpussbear

savingmummy wrote: »

Op had them staying with her so I think it was the bedroom they were staying in at her home.
Sounds like she made her comfortable and organised the room to make her life easier with the baby x

Aah I see, so sorry I misread it as the OP had rearranged their bedroom at their place. Apologies OP!

Buzzybee90

savingmummy wrote: »

Really? I`m sure a huge majority of woman are very close to their parents, but still class their in laws as family.
Hardly an excuse to be rude, ignorant and selfish without a good valid reason.

I suppose, but they're not normally the other side of the world.

pawsies

Post natal depression of some sort?

Abbafan1972

bagpussbear wrote: »

When you reorganised the bedroom, did she actually ask for that?

Where was this mentioned?

KatieDee

As others have mentioned, it might be worth holding off further contact in case she perceives this as harassment. But I must ask...have you brought up your feelings with your daughter in law?

If you feel it is appropriate to approach her again, perhaps ask her explicitly if you have done anything wrong, as you feel things between you are strained. If she still fails to give you an answer then unfortunately, I feel you may need to back off and allow her some space.

Perhaps she may be having issues with your son, so is taking this out on you (as I'm assuming you know nothing about their relationship behind closed doors). It really is sad to read that her attitude is stopping you from being involved with your grandchildren.

dandelionclock30

It could be a thousand of different reasons, I think though that you need to have a proper discussion with your son about whats going on.Ask him straight.
Also take a step back from it all as theres not a lot you can do about her behaviour. She might not like you because she just doesnt or she might have postnatal depression, you just dont know.
Your son isnt necessarily going to tell you what the problem is. All you can do is keep the door open for her. But I would be contacting him not her from now on. Leave her to it and let her come round in her own time if thats possible.
I dont think you have been harrassing her, I think its normal for grandparents to send gifts etc.

bagpussbear

Abbafan1972 wrote: »

Where was this mentioned?

First para. But I misunderstood thinking the OP had rearranged their bedroom in their house, but actually it was when the son and daughter in law came over here

Gigglepig

A long shot but giving her the benefit of the doubt, Is it possible that this could be an issue between the DIL and husband? Perhaps she thought he could write his own thank you emails for baby presents, and cook dinners for family guests.

I also wonder if this was about a son in law rather than a daughter in law, would there be the same expectations?

It could also just be how they split responsibilities as a couple. My family loves my OH and all get along very well, but they don't expect him to email them or skype with them or cook them dinner when they visit, I usually take care of all of those things on behalf of both of us.

lostinrates

D-i-L cutting us off, no reason, how to respond?

There is a reason.

You don't know it, and it might not be one you'd value or consider rational, but there is a reason.

The 'no reason' thing rather than 'we don't know why' as a first thought might be an attitude without meaning to you take to conversation with your son about the situation.

It might not even be about your relationship with her so much as things you don't know about your son/how he views the closeness of your relationship.

I type this as a daughter in law who has been ( unfairly ) accused of something similar. ( no children involved.