Sharing salaries.bills, etc

angeltreats

I'm the higher earner in our house but only by about £5k. We only have a joint account (apart from separate ISAs for obvious reasons but the contents of the ISAs are also considered joint). Our salaries both get paid into the joint account and bills are also shared. We don't have individual money at all.

However - I have the ability to do overtime, and if I particularly want something that I would feel guilty about spending "our" money on (for example I recently bought a Thermomix costing about £900 which my husband has no interest in, and last year I wanted a greenhouse) I'll do overtime to pay for that particular thing. I kind of see it that my husband spends his free time playing the Xbox, I spend mine working to pay for something I want.

I don't know if that's different or not to the OP's situation but it works for us and my husband doesn't seem to have a problem with it. I've also done OT in the past for no particular purpose and that's gone into the joint account, and I'm doing it now to put towards the baby fund.

thorsoak

You know, I feel really sad reading this thread. I don't know that there is a right way or a wrong way on to handle this - I am just so glad that things were different when we were young and starting out.

With a mortgage of £20 a month, my OH earned £12 a week, with fares of £2.75 a week, I earned £9 per week with fares of £1.80. After three years, I was pregnant and left work = 12 weeks maternity pay of £4.00 per week. I then had no independent income for about four years - we had a joint account - everything went into it, and we shared what might be left after all the bills came out.

When I went back to work - temp work for a few weeks in the summer, that money went into a savings account, again in joint names, so that we had some money for holidays, Christmas, birthdays etc.

Fast forward a few years - new mortgage, more children, still one joint savings account and one joint current account, and one building account. I was back at work, earning the same as he was, then he had a serious accident, which meant that he had to give up his job after a year on half-pay. No benefits apart from sickness benefit - no additions for children or anything else - so back down to one salary - mine - going into the joint account. And that's how we worked all the time - what was mine was his, what was his, was mine! I worked long and hard, but did I resent it? No. I did it for the love of him and the love of my family. He was eventually able to go back to work - but at nmw in a supermarket rather than at a lecturer's salary - but he was once again contributing to the family. That method worked well for us both, for almost 50 years. We both knew, down to a penny, what came in, what went out. We never questioned what the other withdrew - we each knew how much was available. We trusted each other.

And that, sadly, seems to be lacking from some relationships.

74jax

Whata really nice story Thorsoak, I mean that in a nice way, not that itwas nice your oh couldn't work etc . But a lovely post.

Trust is huge, and I do think many people trust each othe on here, if you don't have a joint account it doesn't mean anything. To be honest the only reason we got one was because we'd just got married and gota bit tired up in the whole Mr and Mrs letter thing .....

In previous relationships I'd had joint everything, this time we just have never done it, we are much more financially settled though than any of my other relationships, both odds us have a fair bit left over at the end of the month, in the pastI've had to account for every penny to make sure bills were paid, so I needed to be very on the ball with all money .

ellesbellesxxx

jaylee3 wrote: »

Same. I have seen quite a few people on here say that they don't know what their spouse/partner earns. (And occasionally IRL.) It's more when they're not married. Not married, partner keeping income under their hat. Hmmmm, doesn't bode well imo. Me and my husband have two joint accounts: one for savings and one for income and outgoings, and all income of mine and his goes in it.


I always find separate accounts odd. Kind of seems as if someone is trying to hide something or they don't trust their partner, or they earn a fairly significant more than their partner, and don't want their partner to have any of 'their' money. Seems fairly normal to have 'separate money' in a newish boyfriend/girlfriend relationship for the first 2-3 years, but when you're living together, buying a place, have kids together etc, and the relationship is long term, it seems really strange to me.

I must be in a sensitive mood or something tonight as I was quite surprised that you found this strange.
We have a joint account and a joint savings account where we pay the same amount in each month. Sometimes I earn more than my fiance sometimes less. Occasionally we have months where one of us has too much month at the end of the money and the other will help each other out.
However, for us, we were both keen to keep our accounts separate for the time being...maybe having both lived by ourselves for a few years before meeting each other. He didn't want to feel like he was spending my money on mountaineering gear whereas I didn't want to feel like I was spending his money on a holiday with thegirls.
However, we have our joint account which is OUR money for our holidays, home, wedding etc.

I would imagine if we are lucky enough to have our own family in the next couple of years, yes, we will reconsider the arrangement. But for now, it works for us...as other people's joint accounts work for them!

ellesbellesxxx

Oh and op, I agree -she can't have it both ways. Either you both pay in a certain amount each month into the JA and keep what is left, or you both pay in it all and split the remainder.One or the other.

SeduLOUs

It's clearly all just down to personal opinion. My boss who is married with children just paid herself a ridiculously large dividend, but asked me not to mention it to the husband (I help with both of their tax returns).

It just doesn't make sense to me in the slightest, but they seem happy together so clearly money isn't everything.

I know it couldn't work for me though. I'm such a control freak when it comes to money and budgeting, and luckily my current partner is happy to let me take the reins.

*Diva*

I have found that until you can trust your other half with ur finances and not do the whole its mine or yours thing there are trust issues..


In the early days I would tellHe my other half my wage was £300 less than what it was and he would always say if u need anything take it from our joint account..


Untill one day I thought hang on he trusts me openly and here I am hiding my money thats when I started adding to the joint account but our joint account is our savings account and all the bills go out of my single account and then he transfer bills money to me..
he does alot of overtime and once bills have been paid he transfer anything extra into our joint account.. last month our boiler packed in so that came out of the joint account..we r planning a holiday so that will be paid for through the joint savings account..


this month i recieved an extra 200quid so i will put that in the joint account. the overtime we do is for our future. but if we did want to buy anything for ourselves we would just take it out of the joint account and just tell each other what we spent so we know approx what the balance is on the account.


there alot more to a relationship than money but once you are able to look beyond his money and her money and realise you are together through thick n thin you will b alot happier

SeduLOUs

*Diva* wrote: »

there alot more to a relationship than money but once you are able to look beyond his money and her money and realise you are together through thick n thin you will b alot happier

This sums it up perfectly for me. If you can't be open and trusting about money, I don't really know how you can be trusting and open about anything else.

heartbreak_star

We do trust each other. I'm trying to work out how to say this without sounding mental, but I guess as long as the bills are paid, we have food on the table and a roof over our heads, we don't really care about money - it doesn't really affect us.

There have been instances where one of us has helped the other out, but it works for us so we ain't gonna change it.

HBS x

Tiglath

We treat our money as joint. Most things come out of my account as DH has no concept of budgeting and isn't interested in learning, so I manage all the household stuff and our savings to make sure it actually happens. We have equal spending money but I put some of mine into my pension/savings. I tend to use my annual bonus on things for us like a holiday or replacing something in the house. I realised long ago that if we want a decent future and retirement, I'm the one needs to make it happen or it won't happen at all. I don't resent that - you can't make someone change their attitude to money if they're not willing.