Sharing salaries.bills, etc

kierze

Hi, I did reply to a thread but not had a response so apologies if you have read this. Thought I would start a new one.

My girlfriend earns less than me and we have recently bought a house she was worried about the size of the mortgage and to put her at ease I worked out the full income/outcome including food, holidays, savings etc and determined with our combined wage we will be comfortable. (All good and well)

We opened a joint account for all bills and now have our salaries paid in. We also have a separate account where we pay the remainder split in to each account evenly for fun.

However. I can not earn overtime but my girlfriend can. She takes 100% over her overtime/bonuses into her personal account.

her argument is that she has worked extra, but even with overtime her wage is less than what I earn so effectively even though I earn more I end up with less! Am I being unreasonable?

cakeforbrains

I'm not sure. People do things differently, but personally I cannot fathom any relationship in which each party keeps a regular or significant amount of separate money (over and above a few quid in their pockets). I wouldn't tolerate a relationship unless all money was shared.

I'd like to think that I would still feel the same if I earned more money than my husband!

kierze

cakeforbrains wrote: »

I'm not sure. People do things differently, but personally I cannot fathom any relationship in which each party keeps a regular or significant amount of separate money (over and above a few quid in their pockets). I wouldn't tolerate a relationship unless all money was shared.

I'd like to think that I would still feel the same if I earned more money than my husband!

Thanks. The reason we have separate money is so that if we wanted to do something special or a hobby, it does not affect the joint money. It also means that buying each other presents etc can be kept as a surprise and not being paid for by the receiver

heartbreak_star

We don't even have a firm idea of what the other earns.

I'd feel wrong spending anything OH earned.

YMMV, of course

HBS x

cakeforbrains

kierze wrote: »

Thanks. The reason we have separate money is so that if we wanted to do something special or a hobby, it does not affect the joint money. It also means that buying each other presents etc can be kept as a surprise and not being paid for by the receiver

I can understand the present thing. I guess my partner and I tend to buy nominal gifts or agree on treats for a special occasion (like a weekend away for an anniversary) before we pay for them. This does take away the ability for one if us to make a grand gesture, I admit.

With regard to the hobbies: would it be okay, then, for your partner to, for example, take up kite surfing and spend hundreds or thousands on kit while you barely had enough to buy a pair of running shoes?

Cottage_Economy

Hubby and I have a joint account into which all salaries, overtime and bonuses are paid. From this account an equal amount of personal spending money goes into our personal accounts, which allows us to do hobby stuff and buy each other gifts etc.

Any money generated from our hobbies (eg. selling bits and pieces off when having a clear out) is each person's to do with as they wish as it came from their personal spending money.

Personally I think your girlfriend is wrong to be keeping the overtime and bonuses she is paid. It should be going into your joint account.

kierze

cakeforbrains wrote: »

I can understand the present thing. I guess my partner and I tend to buy nominal gifts or agree on treats for a special occasion (like a weekend away for an anniversary) before we pay for them. This does take away the ability for one if us to make a grand gesture, I admit.

With regard to the hobbies: would it be okay, then, for your partner to, for example, take up kite surfing and spend hundreds or thousands on kit while you barely had enough to buy a pair of running shoes?

Thanks, that is my gripe. I think I need to discuss it with her again, but approach it from a different angle.

heartbreak_star

cakeforbrains wrote: »

With regard to the hobbies: would it be okay, then, for your partner to, for example, take up kite surfing and spend hundreds or thousands on kit while you barely had enough to buy a pair of running shoes?

Yes. OH buys me hobby-gifts for birthdays etc. It's his money...I didn't earn it!

I do wonder if I might feel differently if our relationship dynamic was differnet - e.g. we had children or there was a bigger gap between our salaries (there's <£5k pa difference atm).

HBS x

duchy

heartbreak_star wrote: »

We don't even have a firm idea of what the other earns.

I'd feel wrong spending anything OH earned.

YMMV, of course

HBS x

Really?
I can't think of any couple I know who regard their relationship as permanent who don't know.

With regards to the OP try telling her you've got a nice fat bonus coming .......if she thinks it is yours to spend on yourself then you don't have a problem.......if she doesn't then you do!

Money_maker

Ok, pay your wages into your personal accounts. Put the same as each other into the joint account to pay for bills etc. Whoever earns the most will get to keep the most in their personal account. I think your GF is being rather unfair.

Luella-14_2

heartbreak_star wrote: »

We don't even have a firm idea of what the other earns.

I'd feel wrong spending anything OH earned.

We know each other's salaries, but this exactly how I feel. Having equal spending money wouldn't seem fair to me, he earns his money I earn mine, all joint bills split 50/50.