Sharing salaries.bills, etc

Angry_Bear

maman wrote: »

These threads crop up from time to time and views tend to fall into the:

• 'I couldn't be in a relationship unless everything was shared 50:50. That's what I do and I think it shows commitment.' Ironically these almost always come from women who earn less than their partners.

This is my take. Not because it shows "commitment" but because you live your life together. I'd hate to have more money and think "I can't do that because OH can't afford it - or have to do it alone", or have less money and think "I'm stopping OH doing this because I can't afford it". There's an awful lot of threads on DFW where people have debt they're hiding just from trying to "keep up" with a partner who ends more.

And of course, if you want odds and ends for the house where does the money come from if it's "nice" but not essential (e.g. cushions - one partner might want and the other might not). Does the money come from joint or personal pot?

For the record, I'm a woman who earns a fair bit more than her OH.

SeduLOUs

We pay into a joint account and share remaining money equally. Any bonuses earned are part of the joint fund. We share the remainder and put into personal accounts so that we can do what we want with it without needing to seek permission or agreement from the other.

We don't really have 'overtime' but if we did it would certainly go into the joint pot. If one person is working more physical hours than the other, then surely this should be compensated by the other taking on more household duties rather than one partner keeping more of the joint money.

When my fella was out of work, I still shared my wages with him, but for that few months I didn't have to lift a finger around the house. I was a bit gutted when he got another job!

Currently I earn £10k per annum more than my partner (I'm the female). But if we split the bills 50/50 and kept our own money, we wouldn't be able to live in the house that we do currently as he wouldn't be able to pay his half. If I was to be selfish and keep 'my money' I would have to sacrifice and live in a smaller house and go on holiday by myself or with friends instead of with the person I love, leaving him at home as he couldn't afford it. It wouldn't benefit either of us.

As far as I'm concerned, I earn more, but we both work full time - he works equally as hard as me. If anything, his job is actually harder on him, because I have the benefit of being a bit higher up the food chain and have more autonomy to have flexible hours and be left alone in my own office without a manager breathing down my neck.

Anatidaephobia

kierze wrote: »

Just to clarify I it works out I pay 70% of bills. We then split the spending money left over. So if there is no overtime or bonuses then we receive the same amount paid into the fun accounts. Even tho I pay more in. However if she does OT I still pay 70% and still receive the same fun money but my partner receives 100% of the overtime in addition to her regular fun money.

If we had a system like yours, we would pay the overtime into the joint account, pay all the bills then split the remainder equally.

Personally the argument that she "works extra" doesn't wash with me - throughout my relationship with my partner, our circumstances have changed a lot - we've both been the higher earner at different points but have always shared our money. At the moment, he works long hours (60-80 hours a week, sometimes more) whereas I work part time but I know that my partner sees our joint income as exactly that, "joint income", and wouldn't dream of taking more of the money because he earned more of it.

Saying that, everyone has different systems, some people prefer it to be 50:50 whereas others prefer to share, and both methods work well for different couples on the proviso that both partners in the relationship are happy with their arrangement. This is where you have a problem - you need to talk to your girlfriend and find a solution that you are both happy with.

Gloomendoom

Angry_Bear wrote: »

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This is my take. Not because it shows "commitment" but because you live your life together. I'd hate to have more money and think "I can't do that because OH can't afford it - or have to do it alone", or have less money and think "I'm stopping OH doing this because I can't afford it". There's an awful lot of threads on DFW where people have debt they're hiding just from trying to "keep up" with a partner who ends more.

And of course, if you want odds and ends for the house where does the money come from if it's "nice" but not essential (e.g. cushions - one partner might want and the other might not). Does the money come from joint or personal pot?

For the record, I'm a woman who earns a fair bit more than her OH.

I'm lucky being a man because I can usually put forward a convincing case for buying new toys for me on the grounds that they are essential for maintaining the house/garden/cars etc.

It's a bit harder to make a case for new cushions, unless the old ones are losing their stuffing.

For the record we are an "our money" couple, so these 50/50, 40/60, who pays for what, issues don't arise.

[Deleted User]

Gloomendoom wrote: »

For the record we are an "our money" couple, so these 50/50, 40/60, who pays for what, issues don't arise.

Same here. It doesn't matter if I get a £5k bonus, or she works some extra hours - it's all 'house' money, and we spend it as such. I won't buy any big stuff without discussing and neither will she.

So if she decides to work a load of extra days, get lots more money? Great! more house money, maybe an extra family holiday, or a new bathroom. Same would go if I got a better paying job.

Angry_Bear

Gloomendoom wrote: »

I'm lucky being a man because I can usually put forward a convincing case for buying new toys for me on the grounds that they are essential for maintaining the house/garden/cars etc.

It's a bit harder to make a case for new cushions, unless the old ones are losing their stuffing.

For the record we are an "our money" couple, so these 50/50, 40/60, who pays for what, issues don't arise.

LOL, I'm not really a big fan of cushions myself, I was just trying to come up with something that people tend to feel differently about. When I say 50/50, I mean that everything we have is "ours" rather than that we contribute equally.

However, I can see that this could become a problem if you are in a partnership where you either have different attitudes to money or want to spend on very different things. Luckily my OH and I have a similar outlook (we're both tight ).

74jax

cakeforbrains wrote: »

I'm not sure. People do things differently, but personally I cannot fathom any relationship in which each party keeps a regular or significant amount of separate money (over and above a few quid in their pockets). I wouldn't tolerate a relationship unless all money was shared.

I'd like to think that I would still feel the same if I earned more money than my husband!

My hubby has way way more extra money than me, hundreds of thousands and doesn't bother me in the slightest.

Op, in your instance, if it is regular income then I would class this as her salary, if it is just maybe once a month or two, I think if be like her and not class it as regular and work out our percentage of bills from her just her 'regular' salary.

GobbledyGook

Is she working the overtime because it's there or is she working it for fund the specific things she's spending it on?

74jax

cakeforbrains wrote: »

I.

With regard to the hobbies: would it be okay, then, for your partner to, for example, take up kite surfing and spend hundreds or thousands on kit while you barely had enough to buy a pair of running shoes?

That so made me laugh, oh had 4 kites arrive yesterday, I just looked at him and said 'and where are they going to go'. :rotfl:

74jax

duchy wrote: »

Really?
I can't think of any couple I know who regard their relationship as permanent who don't know.
o!

Is too. I couldn't tell you what he earns or had in savings. I could guess, but could be miles off.

I have an idea what is accessible, but in total I don't have a clue.

HBS I wonder if this is another of these threads where only you and I are in the same situation 😃