Controlling MIL

wannabe_credit_free

Just say NO and why not. I'm sure you can say so without offending the woman, . Poor woman is only trying to be nice and helpful, lol you need to set boundaries asap..

As for me. I would'nt dream of taking my 3 dogs or cat to anyone's house, etc and thats why I get on with my 2 d/inlaws. I only advise if asked.


However it works both ways. I don't baby sit every time I'm asked either.:D

onomatopoeia99

hazyjo wrote: »

I remember when I spoke to my ex-MIL when my first husband cheated on me and left me for another woman.

She just defended him and said 'you didn't even iron his shirts before you went on honeymoon.'

Whereas when my ex cheated on me and left me for another man, my MIL said "she's my daughter and I love her, but she's treated you appallingly. Even K (ex's then 13 year old daughter) said the same to me."

They aren't all bad. Or maybe it's only mothers and sons!


I would say in relation to the opening post that I would hope a girlfriend would talk to me if she felt my mother was imposing on her, rather than stewing in silence.

lulu_92

Part of me can see my OHs mum being a bit like this.

We had a house brochure come through the post and before I even got to look at it and have my say she had already made a list of which houses were "acceptable" - a little detail but there's a lot of stuff really that would involve hijacking the post.

Primrose

How about grasping the nettle early and getting that difficult conversation out of the way on the lines of "Mum /MIL. We don,t want to upset you but we think it would be a good idea if we talked about boundaries because what you think we want and what we actually want for ourselves are probably two different things."

But you need to get your husband on board first and have a common agreement that when she comes up with suggestions like this you always have a common response and that is. "Well, let me check this out first with Ann / Fred because we've agreed that this is how we are going to make marital decisions which affect us both, so can I get baxk to GUI after we've had a chance to discuss it.

MIL probably won't like it but you do need to set the scene early to avoid misunderstandings later on. Once boundaries are understood there will hopefully be less need to be quite so formal about things. It,s really up to your husband to try and sort this out with bis mother amicably, remembering that he is married now and his allegiances have new priorities.

rpc

alice_kate wrote: »

And that I had to iron his shirts!

Didn't she teach her son how to iron?

Person_one

duchy wrote: »

You could develop a dog allergy.

Don't think that'd fly when her dogs are poodles!

BigAunty

My mother has very strong opinions on decor and furnishings. My partner and I listen to her suggestions very seriously and then seriously ignore them. We find this a fun activity.

Not so fun was my dad silently playing noughts and crosses on the dust on the television.

PS - I ended up being given her cat after it scratched their new leather sofa. I don't even remember being asked. I just recall it arriving and never leaving.

alice_kate_2

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barbiedoll

You really do need to nip this in the bud now. Simply tell her that the dogs are not staying overnight at your house as you don't want them there, they will scare your cat and you don't want your new furniture being messed up.

Do not, under any circumstances, give her a key to your place.

And when you receive a cook book, simply hand it to your BF and say "Oh look what your mum's bought for you!"

If you think she's bad now, just wait until you have a baby! :eek::eek:

CH27

alice_kate wrote: »

Hi

Myself and my partner have just bought our first home

MIL has informed me that she has bought a cage for her two toy poodles to come and stay the night with us! I'm not really a dog lover (I an tolerate them) but I have a cat myself who is terrified of dogs also. I told her I don't want them round and to be honest thought it so rude that she assumed we would have them in our house. They're not very well trained either so scratch doors etc.

I know it doesn't sound like a massive deal but this is just one instance of her telling me what she is going to do or what I am going to do and I'm so annoyed lol!

She also told me she was buying me cook books to cook for my BF(!) I can cook already, and just because I am female I will not cook all the time we will split stuff equally! And that I had to iron his shirts!

How would you deal with situation?

Set your boundaries from the start & stick to them.