Controlling MIL

alice_kate_2

................

missprice

alice_kate wrote: »

Hi

Myself and my partner have just bought our first home

MIL has informed me that she has bought a cage for her two toy poodles to come and stay the night with us!

How would you deal with situation?

Nod, say hhhmmmmm, aaaaahhhh huh.
And carry on regardless.
As for the dogs I would be busy/out/unable for some vague reason to look after them that day/week/month.

cakeforbrains

Is the cage so that she can bring the dogs with her when she stays, or does she just want you to dog sit?

mrssaver_2

missprice wrote: »

Nod, say hhhmmmmm, aaaaahhhh huh.
And carry on regardless.

^^ Exactly this. I have learned not to waste my time arguing/reasoning/putting forward my thoughts when it comes to my MIL. I just listen to what she has to say and then do what I want to do.

Had to laugh at her buying you cook books, my MIL once showed me how to make a bed! :rotfl:

atolaas

Tell her firmly but politely to butt out! If you don't want her dogs at your house...tell her. If you don't get on, would it be such a bad thing if she declared she never wanted to visit?

duchy

You could develop a dog allergy.
What does your boyfriend say (and she's not actually your MIL if he's only a BF and not a husband btw-which could be an advantage )

aileth

I'd tell her I'd rather put her in the cage than the two dogs.

BigAunty

Is your partner under her thumb or will he support you?

i.e. "sorry mum, you can't bring your dogs to our house, their presence will upset our cat, suggest you get a friend to pop by and feed/walk them when you are away or put them in kennels. thanks for the cookery books but my partner and I are fab cooks - is there anyone else that might like them as a gift or do you mind if I give them to the local charity shop."

or will he just think he's keeping the peace in a neutral way by suggesting that you just put up with her behaviour?

Tixy

I would thank her for the cookbooks and tell her that you know BF is looking forward to learning to cook more things.

On the matter of the dogs, and assuming partner is in agreement, I would simply say that you are sorry but you won't be able to have her dogs at your house overnight as even in a cage it would seriously upset your own pet.

McKneff

If your cat is afraid of dogs, why didn't you tell her this when she told you about the dogs.


If she says she is going to buy you cook books, why didn't you politely say 'oh don't bother, I have plenty and anyway, we share all chores.


Ironing, you should have said you made a good job of teaching him to iron he does them much better than I can.


It seems that this is more than half your own doing to be honest.


(and just for the other poster who said Politeley tell her to butt out. Telling someone to Butt Out can never ever be taken as Polite)

missprice

mrssaver wrote: »

^^ Exactly this. I have learned not to waste my time arguing/reasoning/putting forward my thoughts when it comes to my MIL. I just listen to what she has to say and then do what I want to do.

Had to laugh at her buying you cook books, my MIL once showed me how to make a bed! :rotfl:

Well the other way guarantees bad blood, and you have to be incredibly certain of yourself and in this case bf has to agree the same actions.

The hmmmmhmmm idea is just easier on yourself, no second guessing and no argument with yourself if your doing the right thing and all the angst.

I would have a list if reasons why she/her dogs cannot come, and just keep repeating.
As for the cookbooks and other stuff, say oh thanks, and ignore them from that day on.

I have similar but with my sister, I know when she is supposed to be visiting, and I make up the excuses beforehand.
I also have a string of random excuses in case she tries to visit without notifying me.