Controlling MIL

Noctu

Wow, and I thought I had a bad MIL (she tried to force us to invite now BIL's ex girlfriend to our wedding - small potatoes compared to your stories!!) !

lulu_92

continualdiamond wrote: »

You'll probably never do anything right, that's the conclusion I have reached.

A few months ago we had to go to London to do my passport (Aussie one) and we asked my inlaws to look after our daughter. At 1st they agreed but then suddenly said no, that looking after her for a whole day when she was so tiny (maybe 6mths at this point as she's 8mths now) they couldn't face doing.

So any way off the 3 of us went to London and MIL came round to let the dog out a few times for us. Once we got home our kitchen had been re organised and I mean like the kettle, toaster, canisters, blender all moved to different locations.

I thought that was annoying enough but then we found a 4 page letter telling us how she felt about loads of things. Since then I have not held a proper conversation with her and when I see their # come up on the phone I pass it to my hubby. She thought it was okay to describe my relationship with them as being 'doomed' from the start all because hubby and I met online (I moved here from Australia in 2003).

I've never had a close relationship with my in laws but until recently I thought it was ok. Now I'm just not at all bothered how often I see them, for my daughters sake I will keep the peace but that is purely the only reason.

Wow. That is terrible!

I think a lot of it comes down to being a generational thing.

Me and OH were badgered by both sets of parents about making sure we're married before having children - we simply explained that we would rather make sure we have a nice house whilst we can afford it and have kids whilst we're young. You can get married whenever!

hazyjo

Not my MIL but my actual mum (the BF and I live together and he does all the cooking, cleaning, etc).

Mum came round (daily for a couple of hours, not moved in!) to look after our cats when we were away for 3 nights earlier this year. She took it upon herself to 'clean the house, the oven, and just about anything else she could find'.

She went on to tell us how it was 'filthy' down the side of the settee that's against the wall (she pulled it all out), and how she 'wasn't happy with the state of our oven'. My BF had only cleaned it a couple of weeks before, but he cooks from scratch every day and we'd probably had a couple of roasts in it.

Grrrrr.

Thing is with my mum, you can't say too much cos she gets upset, and/or it causes major upset. She sees it that she's doing it as a giant favour and goes on about how much she loves doing it. She also goes round my sis' house all the time and does loads for her (not at my sis' request!). Yes, am sure loads would appreciate an 'ironing fairy' or 'washing/cleaning fairy' but sometimes you just don't want even your mum rifling through drawers, cupboards or taking your laundry/bedding!!!

Jx

Cottage_Economy

When I came back from honeymoon my MIL gave me a full list of every family and friend on my husband's side with their birthdays and anniversaries.

Apparently as we were now married I would be needing it.

I thanked her and told her I would pass it on to hubby. She looked puzzled and said that, no, it was for me as I would be dealing with all the correspondence from now on as I was his wife.

I stared back at her and said no, I work full time, run a business, and do the majority of the household and garden tasks. i was not taking on any more. He was a grown man and could do it himself, as he had been for the two years I'd known him.

She was shocked.

Over the years I've seen that puzzled, shocked look as she's watched me paint and wallpaper, cut firewood, change the pump and filter in our washing machine, leave hubby to buy friend's and family's birthday and christmas presents, and *gasp* refuse to have a hostess trolley foisted on me because now I was married I would need one to entertain.

However, she took it on the chin when my husband told her we had decided not to have children, and has never made it an issue. For that I forgive her all her funny little 1950s ways

Ezmondino

Seanymph wrote: »

hah - this just reminded me of a MIL who visited with someone I lived with forever ago.

she stayed overnight once (no idea why, can't remember).

When I got back she told me it was disgusting behind my cooker - she'd pulled it out and cleaned behind it!!! Behind the damned cooker!!!

Send her round to mine, the oven and bathroom needs cleaning.

bobble_hat

ska_lover wrote: »

When I met my husband, my MIL used to make cracks about 'looking after him properly', ironing his shirts, making his packed lunch etc. I had to gently remind her that he IS a grown up - and we both work long hours. She was cool with that, and to be fair is a really nice woman now she realises that I am not some evil woman who will laugh while her son starves to death in an unironed shirt :rotfl::rotfl:

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Person_one

Ezmondino wrote: »

Send her round to mine, the oven and bathroom needs cleaning.

Just what I thought! :rotfl:

I wouldn't appreciate someone rummaging through my stuff but god I'd love to come home one day and find somebody had cleaned for me. Its the only downside to living alone, its never anybody else's turn! :cool:

fizz

When I went to divorce the ex for unreasonable behaviour, his mother was listed as one of the reasons! Nip it in the bud now OP:rotfl:

Lieja

My MIL is just like this. She used to stay at out house every Sunday when OH's daughter was staying, and she took over the entire house. She would tell me what housework needed doing, set me away and then run around the house with SD allowing her to cause as much disorder as possible, literally cackling the whole time. I'll never forget standing over the sink washing the dishes from the dinner I made, (that SD had been allowed not to eat because she wanted chocolate instead) while MIL and SD were stood on the sofa throwing the contents of a tin of Celebrations into the air and across the floor, shouting and screaming at the top of their voices.

Up until that point I'd put up with it for OH as he worked nights and his ex wouldn't let SD stay the night if him or his mother weren't there, but that night was about as much as I could take and the next day I told him that either MIL changes her behaviour or she doesn't come back.

Thankfully OH knows better than anyone what his mother's like and immediately spoke to her about it. Your OH should be doing the same, OP.

barbiedoll

My best friend's mother thinks that it is outrageous that we go on holiday without our husbands.

She once actually said to her daughter "I'm surprised that xxxx lets you go on holiday with that Barbie, I can't believe her husband allows her to her to go either"

This was just before we went on a Sun holiday in a caravan with the kids. Hardly an 18-30 to Ibiza. (We should be so lucky!)

And no, we didn't ask permission! :rotfl: