Controlling MIL

sharnad

just-jilly wrote: »

This will be an unpopular post, but hey ho i am going to say it.

My daughter in law has been raised very differently to me and her standards are much lower. Her house is very untidy and dirty, which imo is gross. Nothing has a place and as a consequence they can never find anything and when they do it is usually broken/crushed/ruined as it has been squashed under things. Clothes not ironed/torn. It drives me crazy.

If they were on their own i don't think it would be so bad, as i would think your life if you want to be dirty !!!!!!s and have to constantly replace things then crack on, but they have a child, my grand daughter and i do not want her thinking this is normal. I want her to have pride in her appearance and to value what possessions she has. Hopefully some of our standards will rub off on her.

Luckily we rub along nicely and we are quite close. It doesn't stop me wanting her to raise her game a bit though, for my grand daughters sake

. Did you not raise your son to take care of the house or is he not with the mother of your grand child anymore

Tenyearstogo

just-jilly wrote: »

Unfortunately they are not together. It drove him mad too.

So he left his child in a house where she's being kept dirty and uncared for?

Nice.

just-jilly

grow up tenyearstogo!!
She lives here for 3 days. Where did i say she was uncared for ?. I think i said her standards are not what i am used to and i struggle with that.

Tenyearstogo

just-jilly wrote: »

grow up tenyearstogo!!
She lives here for 3 days. Where did i say she was uncared for ?. I think i said her standards are not what i am used to and i struggle with that.

Sorry if I touched a nerve. I just find it difficult to understand how you could leave a child there when it's too bad to cope with yourself.

Lara44

I think standards of cleanliness are a bit lower now, and I'm glad tbh. For my Mum's generation respectability is all about having the windows washed each week, front step perfect all the time etc. For me, the basics need to be done - clean and tidy kitchen, hoovering, washing etc. But now more families have two parents working outside the home, something's got to give and I am glad it's sometimes housework rather than family time.

I've probably made myself sound like a real slob :eek:

Caroline_a

One of the best pieces of advice my midwife gave me (36 years ago!) is that my house wouldn't fall down if I hadn't dusted that day. So long as my baby was fed, clean and content. My MIL was a tartar of the old school, and would have had me scrubbing floors in our new house when I was 8 months pregnant (the day we moved in). I put up with her by 'uhuh-ing' a lot and then doing my own thing.

lottieholder

My first MIL was an absolute darling. She would give advice and help if asked but didn't unnecessarily interfere. After my FIL tried to tell me which party to vote for and I told him it was none of his business we got on very well as well.

My 2nd MIL was an absolute nightmare, so much so that my OH fixed the telephone system so that any calls from her number had a different ringtone and didn't ring in the bedroom as she had a habit of ringing us in the middle of the night for a chat. :rotfl:

vroombroom

my MIL is fab! I don't have a bad word against her:D

My mother however....;)

Cottage_Economy

just-jilly wrote: »

This will be an unpopular post, but hey ho i am going to say it.

My daughter in law has been raised very differently to me and her standards are much lower. Her house is very untidy and dirty, which imo is gross. Nothing has a place and as a consequence they can never find anything and when they do it is usually broken/crushed/ruined as it has been squashed under things. Clothes not ironed/torn. It drives me crazy.

If they were on their own i don't think it would be so bad, as i would think your life if you want to be dirty !!!!!!s and have to constantly replace things then crack on, but they have a child, my grand daughter and i do not want her thinking this is normal. I want her to have pride in her appearance and to value what possessions she has. Hopefully some of our standards will rub off on her.

Luckily we rub along nicely and we are quite close. It doesn't stop me wanting her to raise her game a bit though, for my grand daughters sake

I have to say my standards are lower than my mother-in-law's but then she raised a pampered prince who prefers to do hobbies rather than housework or DIY. He's constantly pulling things out of cupboards and not putting them back, losing things, spilling things and not wiping up, squashing and breaking things, and takes no pride in ownership. However, i nearly ran myself into the ground trying to keep a grip on his untidiness until one day I decided to put myself, not the house or someone else's impossible standards first.

I tackled her about it after we'd been married a few years, and she apologised for raising both her sons that way because back in her day that's what you did. The women did the housework. The most her husband ever did was make her a cup of coffee of an evening. Even when she worked full time. Three grown men and they didn't lift a finger. She said she thought that being around a clean and tidy home would rub off on them and make them live to that standard when they moved out.

Er nope. Doesn't work that way.