What Are My Rights?

itsalldrivingmemad

Stargazer_Lily wrote: »

Did you realise when posting the details of your struggle you are giving strength and hope to others by showing that it can be done without turning into a doormat or cracking up totally? Another user recommended that I read this as she's been reading this to help get her through her break-up. Yay you!:j

Lil

Stargazer Lily - Wow, no, not in anyway did I think this thread would help others - somehow I feel happy to help people but also sad that someone else has to go through this horrid time. If anyone wants to PM I may not be full of advice but I am a good listener.

I think it is a habit to love and to think of him and stuff....I need to keep busy and the kids certainly do that!!!

I didn't think I could change the locks but when I spoke to the secretary there were different kinds of orders that could be submitted that didn't allow in in without prior agreement and stuff.....

Frannyann Thank you I hope your situation has now setled and you can live your life without jumping at every text phone call of door knock like i still do!!

Keeping_Positive

itsalldrivingmemad wrote: »

Well I was good all weekend I din't bow down to him he had them sat all day and over night and i slept like a baby - yesterday was quite hard as I was feeling down and lonely even though I was at work I wanted a hug he had offered for me to go over ( for some you know what) - but I didn't I stayed strong..... and then he has turned horrid again - says he's not going to have the kids this week as he doesn't want to see me - I have given up trying to call him to sort it out I just said fine ok just you can tell them then.


Well done :j

Keep going, it wil be worth it for you and your children.

arthur_dent_2

Well done for keeping strong, continued hugs and sympathy.

itsalldrivingmemad

Feeling really crap today - found out yesterday that he is moving on with his life which is good but it still makes me feel sick, my heart is hurting again. I know I am being selfish and if he moves on life will get easier for me but OW!!!

Emmzi

itsalldrivingmemad wrote: »

Feeling really crap today - found out yesterday that he is moving on with his life which is good but it still makes me feel sick, my heart is hurting again. I know I am being selfish and if he moves on life will get easier for me but OW!!!

What do you mean by 'moving on'?

(IME, this usually means, 'has found someone daft enough to put up with him')

Remember you're changing and growing stronger and moving on - most likely he's just going to repeat the same mistakes all over again.

If you keep doing the same things, you get the same results.

You're worth more.

You're better than the old life.

You will not be jealous of his stupidity.

Be strong!

N71

georgieb wrote: »

my friend has this problem and was advised by the solicitor she was not allowed to change the locks as his name was on the morgage even though he has stopped paying for it - it was still legally his house and he had rights to access, although it was considered polite for him to advise her when he was due to pop around and give a valid reason. Perhaps a solicitors letter would help, but hide any paperwork as annoying as it may be in the short term.
changing email passwords is not hard through outlook or through service provider.
It all seemed so unfair for my friend who had the same as you going on but it did settle down eventually

I was in the same situation 5 years ago. My ex was coming in when I was at work, and even came in when I was in bed, asleep! I think as well as taking stuff from the house, he was trying to make me think i was going nuts - moving stuff around in the kitchen for example, when I got up in the morning i'd be thinking 'i didn't leave that there - i'm losing the plot!!'.

Anyway, I was advised by the police, and helped by victim support to have the locks changed, cctv and an alarm fitted as what my ex was doing was a form of stalking. It didn't help that his best friend lived directly opposite, and the sad ex spent most of the first months sitting in his friends spare bedroom watching my every move!! Before this I had to get a solicitor to send him a letter to warn him of harrassment (this was free as i was getting tax credits), and as he'd ignored this, the police could get involved.

I was also not in a position to buy him out, or pay the mortgage on my own ( i managed it for the first 6 months - but it was a struggle) - so the house went up for sale. Victim support also gave great help in finding me somewhere to live (rent) with my children - where ex couldn't find us.

Not sure if this help - but i'd definately advise you change the locks and get the house sold asap!

itsalldrivingmemad

its all gone horribly wrong now he has accused me of abusing my own children and has made it official - I haven't and know I have got nothing to worry about but he says social services will take my children away and even if he can't have them they are better of incare than with me. I am a good mum I have never abused them in any way and willdo anything to protect them.... what happens now will they get taken away from me whilst they investigate this I don't want them to have to go through horrid examinations and everything I have never been involved with social services ever so don't know what happens??

Sagaris

itsalldrivingmemad wrote: »

its all gone horribly wrong now he has accused me of abusing my own children and has made it official - I haven't and know I have got nothing to worry about but he says social services will take my children away and even if he can't have them they are better of incare than with me. I am a good mum I have never abused them in any way and willdo anything to protect them.... what happens now will they get taken away from me whilst they investigate this I don't want them to have to go through horrid examinations and everything I have never been involved with social services ever so don't know what happens??

Do you have a Health Visitor? If you do I'd be on to them straight away - they must see your children from time to time and would know that you are a good mother and would never do anything to hurt them. Tell them what this scumbag is attempting to do and they will help you.
Have you kept a diary of his behaviour? It might help, if you have, to show any agency or organisation that he's contacted rearding this, to prove his controlling behaviour and underhand tactics. I've just read through this thread from start to finish, and it seems to me that he's getting more desperate to rein you in, and this is just another attempt by a pathetic man who is clutching at straws to make you and your children suffer. How has he made it official, BTW?
Good luck and keep posting - I'm sending you ((((((hugs)))))
Just another thought - if you are such a bad mother (you're not!) and have been abusing your children (you haven't!), then WHY has he left it till now to do anything?

sandy2_2

Curious_George wrote: »

think about it, you have stood up to him, so now he will say anything he can to get you to back down again!
you have scared him ... where the hell has this strong side come from?? ...
he will try harder and harder to hurt you the stronger and more confident you are, because he is nothing more than a bully and they HATE being told no!
but once he sees that nothing he says even touched the surface.... then whats the point of giving you a hard time?
dont forget, keep writing everything down, if he does go for custody, proof of all his nasty tactics will work in your favour

I really feel for you, but remember what Curious George wrote and you'll see what's happening.
Keep a record of everything and try not to let him get you down. So what if you get a visit from Social Services, you've got nothing to hide.
Keep calm, stay strong...you'll pull thro' in the end, good luck

mummy_Jay

OK, breathe calm down.

You have not done anything wrong, it will be him in trouble not you. If you have to remember social services are people too, they are there too protect the children and aren't goint to just take your kids away if they do not have good reason, they will speak to your childcare, they will speak to you. But before you let any of them near your kids do check out all their ID's.

He is torturing you on purpose to scaring you into to doing what he wants. He is just a bully, playing control games with your head. Be strong, you will get through this.

Speak with a family law solicitor about this, quite a few do free clinics once a week, it would probably with worth a chat.