What Are My Rights?

itsalldrivingmemad

Thank you I know I haven't anything to worry about but its still pulling my heart apart just as I thought things had calmed down too. I do have a health visitor not that I have seen her for a while as youngest but I have seen her throughout the 12 years I have had my kids I will give her a bell this afternoon.

I have kept everything all his text messages email and even recorded some phone calls when I worked out how to do it......

I'm trying to be strong - is not knowing what is around the corner and whats coming next

I have an appointment with a solicitor tomorrow and am seeing a womens advice drop in session today.

Sagaris

Just keep going - you are doing the best you can for yourselves and your children - he will get fed up of all this eventually - at the moment he's wasting so much time thinking what he can do next to upset you and putting his little plans into action. The best thing you can do is to not show or let him know it's upsetting you.
And, just think, all this time wasting with the authorities could get him ito lots of trouble - fingers crossed, eh?
Remember, what goes around, comes around, I really believe that and have seen it happen so many times - he will get what he deserves, one of these days!

itsalldrivingmemad

Thanks - lets hope so to think I kept having a little ray of hope thinking he'd get better.

He says all the thing that have gone wrong for me this year - car accident car breakdowns money problems is all coming back on me for the things I have done wrong....I am not perfect but

I feel better writing things down to you guys its like therapy :mad: he makes me so cross why has he got this hold over me lets hope its broken now and he cannot talk me round once again .....

mummy_Jay

itsalldrivingmemad wrote: »

I feel better writing things down to you guys its like therapy :mad: he makes me so cross why has he got this hold over me lets hope its broken now and he cannot talk me round once again .....

Just keep telling yourself "YOU and YOUR CHILDREN DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER!!"

Sagaris

He can only 'talk you round' if YOU let him - and you're NOT going to fall for tha one again, are you?
He's like a cat playing with a mouse, don't let him be so spiteful! You and your children are worth more than that - and as previous posters have said, you owe it you your children to get them out of it too, or they will think this is normal family behaviour and the cycle will carry on.
Be brave, you owe him nothing and your children everything.

Stargazer_Lily

itsalldrivingmemad wrote: »

He says all the thing that have gone wrong for me this year - car accident car breakdowns money problems is all coming back on me for the things I have done wrong....I am not perfect but

If you persist in believing this rubbish then I'm gonna come over there and slap you silly!:p

If I said to you that my health problems and my roof needing replacing were as a direct consequence to the way I have behaved then you would tell me not to be daft. If you're ever unsure whether you're right to believe in what he says, write it down on a bit of paper and imagine that it's *me* writing to you about my life.

Remember, these desperate acts of his - trying to declare you an unfit mother and so on - are the death-throws of his control over you. The more you prove to him the more desperate he will be to try and reclaim control over you and the more ludicrous his attempts will be.

There's a bit in one of the Harry Potter books where a Boggart tries to terrify people by turning into their worst nightmares (spiders, nasty teachers and so on) so that it can feed on their fear. The way Harry is taught to banish the Boggart is to think of the most absurd situation you can, point your wand at it and shout "RIDDIKULUS".

At the moment he is acting like a Boggart - trying to make your worst nightmares come true by telling Social Services that they should remove your children from your home, purely so that he can get his twisted kicks out of seeing you afraid. Whenever you think of his actions you must immediately stand up, imagine him with his pants on his head (or however you would prefer to humiliate him) and shout "RIDDIKULUS!", because that is exactly what he and his empty threats are. Ridiculous.


Lil

Kimitatsu

Oh Hun

I feel for you I really do BUT:

1. Social services will only take your children away if they are convinced of abuse. They will not take them away if they are investigating a claim of abuse - especially from the ex husband! A friend of mine had something similar to this, she was served with notice at 7pm the previous night to be in court at 10am the following morning for a custody hearing :eek: not knowing where else to turn we rang the social services hotline whereby the MAN on the other end said that this sort of thing happens all of the time because it is a weapon in the mans arsenal that they can use but the chances of anything happening without a full investigation were none existent. This was on top of the 2am call from the police to investigate abuse of their son, she kept a full diary of everything that had happened and needless to say her son still lives with her.

2. Are you sure he has reported you or is he just saying it?

3. You are NOT a bad mother, social services will not only speak to your husband, but also your childs school, doctor, anyone that teaches them for a club outside of school to get a balanced viewpoint not the bitter and twisted rantings of a scorned man!

4. Your kids need you to be strong so do not give in! You are far better off without him and so are they - you deserve to be able to move on and find somone who is worthy of you. :A

djdido2

Itsalldrivingmemad.


Your progress on becoming stronger since your first post is amazing!!!

I left and went back to my partner a hundred times, much to the annoyance of all my family and friends who knew that my ex was a living nightmare. He was a manipulative bully and enjoyed the control he had over me.

I wanted to stay for all the wrong reasons and so I put up with his antics alot longer than I realised I should. I got my Health Visitor involved and she helped me to realise that I had lost all my confidence and self esteem. It is times like this that you need the people that love you most to help you through the most difficult time.

I CONVINCED myself that I did not want to leave my partner because I loved him but when I had my lightbulb moment I truly realised that I could not carry on the way I and my children were living their lives. If he had control a moment longer I would have fallen apart and not been able to do anything for my kids.

My ex tried every trick in the book to make me back down and do as he said. He was going to tell SS that I was an unfit mother, keep my little ones when I allowed him access and not give them back. Turning up at my place of work throwing his weight around and making threats. Jeez, I laugh when I think about it now but at the time I was so scared.

The day you are not scared anymore and affected by his cruel, twisted ways will be the day you become free to live your life relaxed and happy and not answerable to anyone except yourself.

It took me a long journey to get there, but I can honestly say I have never looked back. I am full of confidence, happy and love life being a single mum.

(My daughter who was 8 or 9 at the time said "Mummy, I love it that we are on our own becasue you are smiling and happy!)

Be strong and stay here when you are down for advice and support. What ever path you choose there are people here who have been through similar situations that will help. You know that if you do not try and change it that the vicious circle will stay the same because pillock brain is never going to change his ways over night is he???

(((Hugs))) to you and yours!!

x

Dido

itsalldrivingmemad

:grouphug: Thanks everyone I am crying after reading these replies Relief I think its

Your right I am strong and I can move on - I was beginning to feel free amd not scared then he did this and it has sunk me right down again. SS have been I havd a compliment slip in my letter box asking me to call them - I have but who I need to speak to has left for the day they will ring me tomorrow.

My kids are great and the eldest has said to her dad mums a lot happier now your gone and that drove him mad this was a few weeks ago - I smiled inside when he told me what she'd said. I can't wait till thehouse is sold and I can go to a house where there are no bad memories andI can start afresh.

Thanks again for giving mw the strength to go on

Keeping_Positive

Keep going its good to read your positive thoughts and your doing the right thing here by venting the bad ones. He definetaly getting to the nasty stuff because he is running out of options. Even though it might not always feel like it, you are winning.