What Are My Rights?

seven-day-weekend

He is entitled to enter the house if his name is on the mortgage, whether he pays for it or not, so I don't think you are allowed to change the locks.

Hope it works out for you.

itsalldrivingmemad

regularsaver1 wrote: »

How did the meeting go with the solicitor? whats happened since apart from his cruel suggestion?

The solicitor was good and informative but I don't qualify legal aid, they said they would write him a letter but inbetween them sorting the financial side out and gettingthe draft to me he contacted me being all nicey nice etc.

I saw him last night i let him have the kids for a few hours and them went back to pick them up, he wants to forget all that has happened and start again, I told him that it is more difficult than that as he has doen and said a lot of hurtful things not only to me but to our friends and it will take a lot for him to come back home I need to be able to trust he wouldn't do it again and need to know that he would trust me in return as I am not giving up my friends and family.

It would be good if we were a family again but I hear what everyone is saying and I also believe that I have changed and I am stringer and I am calling the shots now. I am getting some self esteem back and my priority is me and the kids and I will not let anyone spoil it not even their dad, I keep thinking it was only a week ago when I was sat sorting all the mess he had caused out with social services.

Thank you everyone

Sagaris

Good for you - don't weaken now, he will try every trick in the book to get you back, this will cost him a lot more than money!
As a lot of posters have said a leopard doesn't change it's spots, neither will he - I found out the other day that my ex (who was verbally abusive to me, later physically aggressive too) has started the verbal stuff with his new missus - so they don't change!
Just keep posting and let us know how you are doing, you are changing too, for the better, don't let him wheedle his way back in under your skin!

djdido2

Hi itsall!

He wants to forget everything that he has said and done and start over? That easy eh?. I had this. All along being treated like dirt and not being able to see it. Friends, family and loved ones trying their best to get me to see that I was really unhappy and listening but not taking it in.

I left and went back so many times it makes me cringe to think about it. I had lost my self worth and didn't want to or have the strength to fight it. I was happier being miserable and treated badly than having to use all my courage and strength to start over on my own.

That was my biggest fear, BEING A SINGLE MUM. Men like this do not change. AD's or not, if he does come back ino your life I would make him wait a long, long time to prove himself, as a Father, Husband etc. If there is any chance for you both you make the rules, you call the shots as you said.

If it were me I would steer clear. Nasty horrid man who one minute says he wants to be loving and part of the family, the next he is trying to say you are unfit as a Mother!?!?!

My lightbulb moment came when a friend of a friend commented that I must "get off" on being treated like crap. That somehow by going back I was "asking for it". By heck did that wake me up with a bang.

Itsall. You come across as a great person, mother etc. How dare he treat you like that when as other posters have said. You could be with someone who will love youand your kids to the end of the earth and back.

Keep posting, whatever happens you have support here.

x


Dido

itsalldrivingmemad

Well yesterday he told me he has now given up his job - if he can't have me or the kids then there is no point he said. He is just moping about feeling sorry for himself.

I am being strong but its hard when I think I should be holding my arm out to him but I know I can't as all this cycle will start again. He seems to be resenting me from getting on with my life he is hurt his kids no longer ask to ring him as they to get the emotional blackmail my heart strings are defo being tugged today.

sandy2_2

Well, it's good you can see thro' what he's doing....stay strong

Curious_George_2

itsalldrivingmemad wrote: »

Well yesterday he told me he has now given up his job - if he can't have me or the kids then there is no point he said. He is just moping about feeling sorry for himself.

I am being strong but its hard when I think I should be holding my arm out to him but I know I can't as all this cycle will start again. He seems to be resenting me from getting on with my life he is hurt his kids no longer ask to ring him as they to get the emotional blackmail my heart strings are defo being tugged today.

sorry, but tough s**t, let him mope....
who exactly was looking after you when you were upset, scared and borderline depressed? worrying about your (and your kids) safety and futures?
did he give a crap when you could do nothing but mope?

it sounds like he only has one threat left now and it appears to be on its way, making YOU worry that he might do something silly.... and making it all your fault,
you need to talk to him, tell him that you can have a perfectly good working relationship as parents and friends, but he needs to cut the crap, give up all the emotional blackmail as it just makes you want to shut him out and to stop using and upsetting the children or they wont want to see him... kids are very perceptive and they wear thier little hearts on thier sleeves,
they know whats going on isnt right and its a hell of a lot of pressure for them, it has to be released somewhere and if by refusing to see him is the way they want it, then he has to accept it.... OR change his ways.

tell him to get to councelling and sort himself out, and if he thinks you sound harsh then tell him... its his doing, this is the person he has made you into.

tell you what... go find a feel good song that you love (as much as i hate the kareoke classics, 'i will survive' is a good choice at this point) put it on, turn the volume up and sing your head off for 5 minutes
I find it quite a release, if that doesnt make you smile.... i dont know what will

conradmum

Now he's onto the guilt trip even more. Boo hoo! :rotfl:

My ex tried this too - told me he was suicidal. I told him he needed to speak to the Samaritans, not me, as I found it difficult to feel any sympathy for him. (Mostly because when I had a suicide attempt he taunted me that the nurse had told him that it wasn't a serious one. :eek:)

Don't fall for it, love. Stay strong.

Emmzi

You can only control you, and your reactions. whatever he does is his decision. He is an adult.

stay strong!

Loobysaver

I've been keeping an eye on your thread and just wanted to say stay strong and don't let yourself be emotionally blackmailed.

It sounds like your OH has just realised that being single isn't all that he thought it would be.

Don't put up with it. Just remember he is verbally and emotionally abusing you.