What Are My Rights?

Curious_George_2

itsalldrivingmemad wrote: »

thanks folks

I had a bad weekend - i let him back in to my heart he apologised and I went all soft then he threw it all back at me yeserday

how many times are you going to put yourself and your kids through this before you realise its going to happen every time?
its easy for me to say but he WILL charm you and worm his way back in when he wants something but only if you let him

i know you must love him, and this this situation must be incredibly difficult for you, but you need to break the cycle, you cant keep letting him walk all over you or you will end up with no self esteem what so ever (and trust me, once lost thats a b*tch to get back) and you will end up thinking that you deserve this kind of treatment,
you dont... you are better than that, you just need a bit more support,

is there nobody you can open up too? close friends? non judgemental family?
even if there isnt, please remember people like the samaritans are always there to listen if you have nobody else....
pouring out your troubles to someone (particularly someone who has no bias to either parties) can be very cathartic, it could be just what you need to feel better, and your story wont be the first one like it that they have heard.

please get help, you WILL be so much stronger once you realise you CAN be stronger
xXx

itsalldrivingmemad

Curious_George wrote: »

how many times are you going to put yourself and your kids through this before you realise its going to happen every time?
please get help, you WILL be so much stronger once you realise you CAN be stronger
xXx

I don't know - EVERY time he does it i say never again - and when I say that I mean it then......

Right today is the day I will not phone him or answer his texts from now on unless it is sensible and about the kids. I really need a break - I have a week off in the summer hols I think I'm gonna get a late deal caravan in theuk ( can't afford anything else ) go with the kids and turn my phone off.

Curious_George_2

itsalldrivingmemad wrote: »

I don't know - EVERY time he does it i say never again - and when I say that I mean it then......

Right today is the day I will not phone him or answer his texts from now on unless it is sensible and about the kids. I really need a break - I have a week off in the summer hols I think I'm gonna get a late deal caravan in theuk ( can't afford anything else ) go with the kids and turn my phone off.

well done!

why dont you check out the freebies board, there is a thread about free pontins holidays, the actual offer is finished but a few members have holidays they now cant use... maybe you could have one of those?
the best thing my OH did when he split from his controlling cow of an ex wife was snip his sim card in half, and get a new one....
she could email him (i made sure he kept one line of communication open so she wouldnt just turn up) but never phone,
maybe you could think about doing this? you have time to compose a responce to an email, where as you may be put on the spot and fold under his pressure on the phone?
if this isnt possible, then only speak to him through text, and only when you actually need too!

if you feel a wobble coming on, then get back on here... someone will be around to talk you out of it! lol

rdbaxter

Only you can decide what you want the future to hold, to let someone go and I mean truly go out of your heart is difficult no matter how horrible,difficult repulsive you find them you have shared time together and still care.

I was with my husband for 11 years on and off, when I look back I was so unhappy. anyway to cut a very long story short I found the courage to break away not easy when you have children which I do one was nearly 10 and the other 5 at the time you have the financial implications and the situation of being alone it's hard.
anyway all this time on I'm skint and still paying the mortgage on my own house is for sale learnt a lot about being thrifty mainly thanks to this site ! But most of all I'm happy.

Oh and should have my decree Absolute soon can't wait for it all to be finalised.

PM any time .

Rachel

Savvy_Sue

itsalldrivingmemad wrote: »

You are right re the little one but if I push the issue with him about her satying then he goes on about have I got plans for the night is that why I want to be kid free for a night so I can't win either way round

In time, you will be able to say "And if I have, what business is it of yours?"

But for now, the answer is "Yes, I would like an early night on my own and a lie-in. Do you have a problem with that?"

Loretta

I think that when you have lived with such a controlling person you lose confidence and forget how to think for yourself

You have changed since you have been posting on here and you are getting stronger. You already knew that this situation was wrong but you needed encouragement to sort it out.

You are getting there - good luck and keep us posted

JoKay wrote: »

Hi OP

Do you have someone you can talk to about all this? Its great that you have so much support on here, but I thought it interesting when you said that you cried when you spoke to the person at the helpline. Maybe you need to confide in someone, so that you can start to release the tears that you're maybe bottling up?

Also you might find that having someone else reiterate what everyone else on here is telling you might give you strength - as you say, you know what to do, but doing it is mighty hard!!

I also wonder you do really love him, or whether you're so afraid (understandably!!) of being alone, that you can't tell one emotion from the other?

Just my 2p - I sincerely wish you all the very best for your future, and that of your children.

ailuro2

Every time you want to give in to him, think of the lasting effect this is having on your kids- seeing their mother allowing herself to be treated his badly makes them think it is normal, and sets them up for a life of living like this...and you're too smart to let that happen, aren't you!!

Living well is the best revenge, while you let him control your life you can't move on...keep at the little steps, you'll get there sooner than you think.

arthur_dent_2

I am so sorry to hear of your bad weekend, what is done is done. You must realise that nothing you have done is bad and that this can now be the time to draw a line under everything and say I have had enough of being a doormat. The children and I need a stable future. I realise it is eay to say and difficult to do, but start taking charge and laying down some ground rules. Life on your terms.

Big hugs as always, Denty.

itsalldrivingmemad

Thanks all for your support and replies, I woke up feeling strong and will carry on that way today. I am not going to let him get to me anymore. And I have decided when he sees the kids tomorrow night I am going to go to a fitness class try and loose a bit of my wobble wobble and gain some confindence back in myself. Now is the time to look after me and the kids not him. As Denty says life on my terms - I like the sound of that.

As you say live life well is the best revenge - he is seething at the stuff I have bought since he left - new stuff for the girls ( obviously they need it) and it was nice to buy it and not struggle on or get it on credit or catologue, and bits and bobs for the home that we have been managing without - ok they are luxury items but its great to have money spare at the end of the week and think well we can have this or that now. I am going to save and be careful from now on though I don't want to go overboard it is just nice to have a treat now and again.

I would love to say when I drop them off when he asks if I have plans waht business is it of yours - I feel or should I say felt ( still feeling strong) that I owed him answers - but he left ..... I am going to get on with mine and the kids life and try and be happier - looking back over the years I was not happy - yes there has been good times but on the balance scales I think the bad outweigh the good.

Right best get on with some work - I'll call in later on....

Curious_George_2

your doing well,

and as for owing him answers... remember, the day he left, he also left behind any right to know your personal business!