What Are My Rights?

SSB

Hi
You cannot change the locks since it is still his property as well as yours, unless you have come to a agreement that he does not access it without your knowledge. You cannot report a break-in since you cannot break into your own property.

You are entitled to privacy, what is the agreement between yourself and your husband? Sell the house, split profit ? What about maintenance etc? Sounds like your arrangements are very informal and voluntary. Remember, all voluntary arrangements are just that, voluntary and can be stopped at any time. How about mediation? It is not about getting back together but to agree child support/housing/splitting of possessions etc. without the intervention of solicitors.

Whatever you decide, good luck to you whatever you decide. PS; I do advice at CAB and we have a long list of practical things to consider when splitting up. Make an appointment, at least then you will have a full picture of everything involved.

itsalldrivingmemad

Nothing set in stone its all informal yes I was hoping for it all to be amicable but it doesn't seem to be working. Yes we were planning on selling the house and splitting whats left at the end of it. We are also in debt 75% in my name at the mo he says he will split it so he has his fair share but then he changes his mind more than once aday about everything.

He did say originally he would give me half the mortgage for maintenance but nothing has ever come of it as he always spends his wages within a week of getting them - paid monthly.

I will find out where my local CAB is and go for some advice, thank you.

thesaint

SSB wrote: »

Hi
You cannot change the locks since it is still his property as well as yours, unless you have come to a agreement that he does not access it without your knowledge. You cannot report a break-in since you cannot break into your own property.

At last, someone who knows something about the law :T

Emmzi

itsalldrivingmemad wrote: »

He has got access more than enough 2 nights a week but then he wants me to stay too when he has them and if i don't he goes mad, not sure if its cos 1. he loves me and wants to work things out

2. he can't cope with the youngest very much a mummys girl

3. he wants his 'hows your father';) .

Good lord, tell me you aren't still sleeping with him!! PLEASE!

bestpud

You can password your computer easily enough via control panel and user accounts. Just make sure it isn't something he may guess and he won't be able to access the computer at all then.

As for the paperwork, what about getting a lockable filing cabinet? Better still, get a lockable case and keep it somewhere else?

At least doing those two things will stop him prying into your financial affairs.

Elle00

Hiya hun, what a rotten situation for you.

I'm afraid I've also had experience of this and the three posters who've said you CANNOT legally change the locks are correct.

I was advised as much by the police a bit over a year ago and was told the only way I could be safe was to either get before a judge asap and take out an injunction or vacate to a women's refuge. Obviously if you are not in danger these options are really not worth the upset they cause. Refuges are far cries from holiday homes and an injunction would have numerous repercussions for both parties as well as the kids.

What you can do ahead of a divorce is to go to a family solicitor and ask for a seperation agreement and in this you could state that you will remain in the marital home until it is sold and he should not enter without your permission. A seperation agreement has to be agreed amicably in the first instance though it remains legally binding unless both parties agree to amend or dissolve it (or divorce after two years).

Going to the CAB is worth a good try, it depends on the advisor you get to speak with to be honest but they at least have access to rules and regs etc.

And as someone else suggested, mediation has to be preferable to solicitors in the first instance.

Good luck. There's a lot to sort out when you seperate but you will get there in the end. One piece of advice I wish I'd been given? Buy yourself a reporter's notepad and pen to keep in your handbag at all times! You will have so much in the way of rules and regs and financial stuff to remember...

Kimitatsu

itsalldrivingmemad wrote: »

Nothing set in stone its all informal yes I was hoping for it all to be amicable but it doesn't seem to be working. Yes we were planning on selling the house and splitting whats left at the end of it. We are also in debt 75% in my name at the mo he says he will split it so he has his fair share but then he changes his mind more than once aday about everything.

He did say originally he would give me half the mortgage for maintenance but nothing has ever come of it as he always spends his wages within a week of getting them - paid monthly.

I will find out where my local CAB is and go for some advice, thank you.

No! You really need to get some proper legal advice sweetie!

First of all if the debt is in your name then what was it for? If it was used for goods bought during the life of the marriage then he has to take at least half of it. The equity left in the house you are entitled to more than half of, and he needs to pay you maintenance so that you can pay the mortgage. You have a legal right to stay in the marital home if you so wish until your youngest is 17.

You should not be paying him any maintenance, you need it for your kids. If he cant manage his finances then it is time he grew up and sorted himself out. As has been suggested, password your computer, lock your files away, and tell him to but out!!

Dont know the details of your break up but in my experience divorces start out amicably and rapidly degenerate especially when one partner feels they are being done out of what they are entitled to.

Try the CAB and get a referral to a family specialist.

Take care of yourself!

MXW

I have not read all the other posts, but in regard to changing the locks...when I split up from my ex-husband he left me penniless with two small children to bring up. He took all his clothes etc before he left and had no reason to enter the house, the mortgage was left unpaid (at that time) until I went back to work to pay it. He forced his way into the house because I wouldn't let him in (he had no reason to come into the house) I called the police and they were great and told him to leave. The police officer then told me when he had gone that as my ex was still on the mortgage, even though he wasn't paying the mortgage, by law I could not change the locks. He then went on to say that if the locks had been changed then my ex could get a solicitor involved and make me change the locks back, at my expense!!! He then went on to say that "If your ex wanted to bring his girlfriend into the house and have a tea party then legally there is nothing you can do about it"!!

Savvy_Sue

Now, here's a thought: suppose the OP were to 'lose' her keys, she'd need to change the locks then, and maybe she wouldn't be able to afford a spare set for him immediately, or she might not remember to take a set the next few times she sees him. Not a long term solution, especially given what MXW says, but perhaps a thought?

And of course, if she kept the original locks, then putting them back on again would not be too expensive if she did have to do that eventually.

And OP, you have told Tax Credits that the t*sser has moved out, haven't you?

itsalldrivingmemad

Wow thanks for all the replies everyone. So much to answer.