Feel bad for turning this woman down for the boxing; made a big mistake. Need advice?

double_mummy

you blew it

and btw you are very immature - i cant imagine cancelling plans via a text and the only way i would be cancelling is if there was something serious happening i am 25 so it is not an age thing it is how you look at things.

you know her situation and you made the choice to cancel again. you now need to live with the consequences

you are trying to explain to her to make yourself feel better not to be of any benefit to her stop being so selfish grow up and then look for a relationship

Tropez

kingslayer wrote: »

I don't think she wanted someone to relate to her life, but more of someone to just be there and treat her well.

And you quite clearly have failed spectacularly at that, haven't you? You cancelled three times - by text - and even if you felt you had good reasons on the first two occasions, you didn't for the third and you've proven yourself unreliable.

If a girl had done that to me, there number would be in my call blocker's blacklist and I'd never bother with them again because they're clearly not worth the effort.

Anatidaephobia

kingslayer wrote: »

I don't know why she would, but I can only hope. There is a lot in it for her if she gives me another chance. I WILL NOT let her down again, that's for sure.

How can you be sure you won't let her down again if you are suffering from social anxiety? It's easy to say now that you won't let her down but imagine if there's a next time - you're going to be even more nervous because you know it literally is now or never, and your anxiety may kick in and take the decision out of your hands.

This is why you need to get help for your anxiety. I know you don't want to be on medication forever but what it the alternative is that anxiety messes up your life, ruins opportunities for you, and makes it almost impossible to get a partner because the first date nerves are too stressful? There is help available so you don't need to struggle like this. You may find that you don't need to stay on meds all of the time but you may need to return to them regularly in times of need. The trick is to recognise the early warning signs and start taking them again before things get too bad. You can talk to your doctor about other types of therapy to help you deal with social situations as well. But it really sounds like rejecting the medications (that you know HAVE helped you in the past) is a foolish idea right now. Go back to your doctor. It doesn't matter that a year has passed - that's irrelevant - go back and get the help you need.

As for this woman, it seems highly unlikely she will give you another chance. As far as she's concerned, you've proved yourself to unreliable and immature. The best you can hope is that you get the opportunity to explain yourself to her and apologise which will maybe lessen the blow.

DaveTheMus

kingslayer wrote: »

If I just leave it, it just makes me feel like even more a d**k and I won't have a chance to explain myself to her. If I explain myself and tell her the real reason why, then sure, if she doesn't respond then I'll just move on, but i just feel that without explaining myself or apologising properly, my mind cannot be at ease.

It's all me, me, me.......

Very self-centered......

The only reason you want to impose your excuses on this woman is so you can make yourself feel better, you don't seem to care how it will make her feel.

You actually did her a real favour because I don't think she's looking for a surrogate child even if you are looking for a surrogate mother.

BrassicWoman

kingslayer wrote: »

If I just leave it, it just makes me feel like even more a d**k and I won't have a chance to explain myself to her. If I explain myself and tell her the real reason why, then sure, if she doesn't respond then I'll just move on, but i just feel that without explaining myself or apologising properly, my mind cannot be at ease.

You appear to think this is about you and what you want.

It isn't.

Actions have consequences and now you have to live with them. You can't talk your way out of everything in live.

Leave the poor woman alone!

(I am 43. This is a prime example of why I generally don't date younger men.)

kingslayer

DaveTheMus wrote: »

It's all me, me, me.......

Very self-centered......

The only reason you want to impose your excuses on this woman is so you can make yourself feel better, you don't seem to care how it will make her feel.

You actually did her a real favour because I don't think she's looking for a surrogate child even if you are looking for a surrogate mother.

Well what else am I supposed to say? I don't know how she feels without talking to her. I don't really need strangers on a forum telling me how selfish, self centered and immature I am. I already feel bad enough for letting her down and know I was an idiot to do what i did.

kingslayer

BrassicWoman wrote: »

You appear to think this is about you and what you want.

It isn't.

Actions have consequences and now you have to live with them. You can't talk your way out of everything in live.

Leave the poor woman alone!

(I am 43. This is a prime example of why I generally don't date younger men.)

Okay, so one mistake and that's it? I'm not allowed to prove what kind of person I really am?

DUTR

kingslayer wrote: »

Well what else am I supposed to say? I don't know how she feels without talking to her. I don't really need strangers on a forum telling me how selfish, self centered and immature I am. I already feel bad enough for letting her down and know I was an idiot to do what i did.

So why not leave her alone and move on to the next victim?

double_mummy

then leave her alone if she wants to contact you she will if not learn your lesson and move on

Anatidaephobia

kingslayer wrote: »

Okay, so one mistake and that's it? I'm not allowed to prove what kind of person I really am?

To be fair, there were three mistakes.

Most people won't tolerate being stood up or cancelled on last minute three times in a row. Especially not someone who has very limited time available.