Feel bad for turning this woman down for the boxing; made a big mistake. Need advice?

MrsAtobe

OP, you do sound very inconsiderate. If you want a shining example of maturity from someone younger than you, read FourTimesPhil's thread.

ciderwithrosie_2

kingslayer wrote: »

I did ring but answer phone message came in. I tried explaining, but my head was all over the place and I was nervous, so i can't even remember what I said properly.

Oh dear, I really don't think you should be trying to date at all at the moment, it's not fair to the other person, whether you're honest with them or not!

kingslayer

DUTR wrote: »

Out of curiosity, what do your mates say about the issue?

I haven't told my friends. I don't really like other people knowing about my dating life unless it's serious and they get to meet them; that is the only time they would find out about it.

DUTR

kingslayer wrote: »

I haven't told my friends. I don't really like other people knowing about my dating life unless it's serious and they get to meet them; that is the only time they would find out about it.

Or they already susbscribe to MSE

kingslayer

tomtontom wrote: »

Tell me you didn't tell her you had social anxiety by voicemail!

I didn't explain in detail, i just mentioned it. I couldn't do anything else, I said that I would rather talk to her and explain it, but it was her answer phone. I am not going to keep calling until she answers. I called the once and left the answer phone message and sent a short text asking for one last chance to explain myself. That is it! I cannot do any more than that.

kingslayer

ciderwithrosie wrote: »

Oh dear, I really don't think you should be trying to date at all at the moment, it's not fair to the other person, whether you're honest with them or not!

Maybe so. If I would have just seen her yesterday I wouldn't have had this issue.

Morglin

I do wonder why older women, already having bought up kids, think that bringing another immature young person, into their lives, will be a good thing!

OP, I would find someone your own age, and let this lady find someone who is a little more mature, doesn't think texting is a good way to communicate, and is less worried about having a good time with his mates. :doh:

Lin

kingslayer

I think because i haven't dated for a long while that I've just become wanting of someone and this isn't healthy. I believe this is the reason why I am so hung up about this woman, purely because I haven't dated for all that time and loneliness sets in, as sad as that sounds. I don't even tend to get lonely, but I think as soon as I get some female attention, I hang on to it for dear life and it's not good for my mental state. But through the depression and anxiety over the years, it's been hard to communicate effectively, my social skills have become quite poor and I've ended up not having any idea what to do when dating opportunities are presented to me. The last thing I want to become is needy, and this is what it's starting to feel like. I feel like I am needing a relationship or interest for the opposite sex, instead of focusing on my own welfare and health.

kingslayer

She replied to me just this minute.

She said that she can't talk on the phone right now as she'll just get upset and end up making herself look like more of a !!!! than she already feels. Says she understands my anxiety and isn't sure what to say to me right now as being blown out 3 times has knocked her pride.

I am very fortunate she has even replied.

duchy

Actually what you need is to stop viewing women as potential girlfriends and see them as real live breathing people who have feelings too. Presumably you were at your mate's bedside because you care about him and he needed you there because he had no family to be with him.......and not just hanging around outside with your mates in some kind of male bonding ritual "We're 'ere for you Bruv"

Find a social life that doesn't revolve around "mates" who expect you to change your plans at five minutes notice and meet some grown ups.
Something like meetup might suit you. It's activities based (can be anything from a country walk to dinner to bowling -all kinds of things) so you may feel less anxious as you have something to "do" and you'll meet a variety of new people of a mix of ages and make some new friends. If one of those friendships turns into something more- it's a bonus. The whole point is to make yourself more adept socially.

Sounds like you might get a chance to apologize at the least however when you say things like " I feel like I am needing a relationship or interest for the opposite sex, instead of focusing on my own welfare and health." I wonder if you actually want a relationship or just free therapy from this woman.
She's a person- with feelings - and insecurities -everyone has insecurities - some people are just better at hiding them than others . Think of her as a PERSON with FEELINGS first - and a possible relationship second - and maybe just maybe you have a chance.
Take the time before you do talk to her to think about her perspective and her feelings - and whether you can offer her something positive in her life.