Feel bad for turning this woman down for the boxing; made a big mistake. Need advice?

marisco_2

Once you get to 40 plus it quickly becomes tiresome, to be in a relationship with someone who plays games, like an immature teenager. It looks like this woman has chosen self respect over being messed around. Very wise of her.

BrassicWoman

kingslayer wrote: »

okay, so one mistake and that's it? I'm not allowed to prove what kind of person i really am?

this is not about what you need

savingmummy

kingslayer wrote: »

She replied to me just this minute.

She said that she can't talk on the phone right now as she'll just get upset and end up making herself look like more of a !!!! than she already feels. Says she understands my anxiety and isn't sure what to say to me right now as being blown out 3 times has knocked her pride.

I am very fortunate she has even replied.

SO clearly its upset her. At least you now know for 100% although it was pretty obvious she would be feeling this way.


Now she will either listen to you IF you explain yourself from start to finish and accept that, OR she will not want any explanation and say farewell.


I would leave her to contact you again when she is ready to talk, she clearly wants some thinking time and breathing space.

Anatidaephobia

kingslayer wrote: »

this time I was preparing to go and was ready, then I just had these wary thoughts about going to her's, not knowing what will happen etc.

I was thinking irrationally, I don't know. I just built up so much anxiety inside myself that I ended being overcome with nerves about the situation and decided to duck out and cancel. I really wanted to go and see her, though, it's just the nerves got the better of me.

It is frustrating and people on here will criticise me for this, but won't understand how I was feeling at the time. I don't want fricking terrible nerves before I go to see someone, it makes me feel like s***! Of course I'm going to thinking about myself, my
own well being, it's because I'm the one with the damn anxiety/insecurities all the time!

I do understand how you were feeling at the time and that is the reason I am encouraging you to seek help. In my experience, anxiety doesn't just go away, that's why you need to seek treatment to deal with it. Especially as you've already told us that there ARE medications that work for you.

KatieDee

I think people are being slightly harsh on the OP...he clearly struggles with anxiety issues and it isn't always easy to look at things subjectively when you're having a particularly bad day. Fair enough, it was a bit harsh to dump her for the boxing but you can't ignore the bigger issue here.

However, I can also understand why people feel so bad for the woman involved. The problem (if you can call it that) with meeting somebody online is that you are both incredibly vulnerable. Having been let down three times, she is probably reluctant to let it happen again.

The best thing you can do is just allow her to recover from this and only agree to meet again (if she allows you to do this!) once you are ready to do so. As others have suggested, perhaps meet in a more mutual place such as a coffee shop or restaurant. Hopefully this will help your anxiety as you won't be in her home/natural environment.

The fact she responded is positive but you need to take it as a final warning and perhaps a lesson learnt. You may struggle with anxiety but this will be of no reassurance to the lady you're letting down. She will most likely perceive it as a problem with her, which is not good when you're only just back in the dating game!

Good luck with it, I hope everything works out for you.