Feel bad for turning this woman down for the boxing; made a big mistake. Need advice?

duchy

[QUOTE=kingslayer;65672361_and_not_have_mini_panic_attacks_when_walking_through_a_busy_high_street,_or_standing_around_in_a_packed_bar_etc.[/QUOTE]

You mentioned you and your mate went "out" to see the boxing......so not in a crowded pub then ?

kingslayer

duchy wrote: »

You mentioned you and your mate went "out" to see the boxing......so not in a crowded pub then ?

no, he invited me and a couple of a our friends to his place. The fight was on PPV, so we all chipped in with some money.

FatVonD

If someone cancelled on me at such late notice leaving me with very little time to arrange anything else on one of only two chances per month to go out I would be furious.

You have given her the message loud and clear that your time is more important than hers, time to move on and let her find someone that values her time as much as theirs.

kingslayer

FBaby wrote: »

You are just not mature enough to consider seeing a woman much older than you that lives away from you, who will be at a stage in her life that you know nothing about and won't be able to relate to.

If you can't cope with the prospect of meeting her for the first time and as a result chicken out like a teenager, how do you think you will be in a position to deal with much more stressful situations that will come from seeing an older women with children?

Forget about her and concentrate on meeting someone your age or younger, who lives locally and who you will meet for the first time face to face and you can see how it goes.

To be honest, if that woman forgives you and agree on setting up a 4th date, she is very foolish.

I am mature enough, of course I am. People make mistakes, and I made a mistake that i shouldn't have.

We spoke on the phone a few times and always had good chats, i made her laugh and the conversations were enjoyable. I don't know why you say i can't relate to her life. I don't think she wanted someone to relate to her life, but more of someone to just be there and treat her well. She told me that she just wanted to be friends and then see where things go.

I don't think she would be foolish to set up a fourth date. I understand that after yesterday it might be hard for her to meet me a fourth time, but I hope she does give me that chance.

BrassicWoman

kingslayer wrote: »

I just don't know how to get her trust back again.

Trust leaves on a galloping horse. Not going to happen. Move on.

Bella73

kingslayer wrote: »

I am mature enough, of course I am. People make mistakes, and I made a mistake that i shouldn't have.

We spoke on the phone a few times and always had good chats, i made her laugh and the conversations were enjoyable. I don't know why you say i can't relate to her life. I don't think she wanted someone to relate to her life, but more of someone to just be there and treat her well. She told me that she just wanted to be friends and then see where things go.

I don't think she would be foolish to set up a fourth date. I understand that after yesterday it might be hard for her to meet me a fourth time, but I hope she does give me that chance.

You are only in your twenties and from what you have written I am sorry but you are immature, however I do understand how you wouldn't see it.

As a female who is in her forties, you need to leave her alone, you have cancelled three times, your reasons shout that your friends most definitely come first, and if you were really interested in her they wouldn't.

And the last "excuse" is crap to be honest. You had made plans but blew her off to play with the boys. You are a child and I'm guessing she is looking for a man, not another teenage child to look after.

You need to accept if you keep up that sort of behaviour which is purely in your hands to change then you will be on your own for a long time as to be honest I don't know many 20 year old who would out up with it either.

FBaby

I am mature enough, of course I am. People make mistakes, and I made a mistake that i shouldn't have.

You made the same mistake three times! If you are so unreliable already, how could she possibly trust you won't be a 4th time, let alone in more future stressful situations?

You might not think you are selfish, but you are very self-centered, considering how the situation affects you before others. Just the fact you say that she wanted someone to treat her well says it all. Cancelling three dates in a row at the last minute is treating someone with total disrepect.

JoW123

kingslayer wrote: »

I am mature enough, of course I am. People make mistakes, and I made a mistake that i shouldn't have.

We spoke on the phone a few times and always had good chats, i made her laugh and the conversations were enjoyable. I don't know why you say i can't relate to her life. I don't think she wanted someone to relate to her life, but more of someone to just be there and treat her well. She told me that she just wanted to be friends and then see where things go.

I don't think she would be foolish to set up a fourth date. I understand that after yesterday it might be hard for her to meet me a fourth time, but I hope she does give me that chance.

But you weren't there and you didn't treat her well. Surely you can see that?? You're coming up with all sorts of reasons why, but not what you're actually going to do to make it any better or stop it happening again. Maybe if you are completely honest with her you might get another chance, but I don't think many people would give you another. I suspect there are a good few women who would rather have a man who was honest about his social anxiety rather than one who makes plans and then just cancels them.

duchy

You made those mistakes out of immaturity......and the fact you think there is any real hope of a fourth date just underlines the fact. You say you think she wants "someone to just be there and treat her well. " Well you weren't there (three times) and you haven't treated her well.

Apart from the fact you want another chance.......and bearing in mind she's ignoring you - why on earth do you think she'd even consider giving you another chance ? What is in it for her ?

kingslayer wrote: »

I am mature enough, of course I am. People make mistakes, and I made a mistake that i shouldn't have.

We spoke on the phone a few times and always had good chats, i made her laugh and the conversations were enjoyable. I don't know why you say i can't relate to her life. I don't think she wanted someone to relate to her life, but more of someone to just be there and treat her well. She told me that she just wanted to be friends and then see where things go.

I don't think she would be foolish to set up a fourth date. I understand that after yesterday it might be hard for her to meet me a fourth time, but I hope she does give me that chance.

kingslayer

There isn't much point in trying to defend myself on here. I just need to speak to her. I want to call her, but I don't know what to say. I feel really bad about the situation as it is.