Feel bad for turning this woman down for the boxing; made a big mistake. Need advice?

geri1965_2

May I suggest that if for any reason she does decide to give you another chance, you do something low key to begin with, just meet for a coffee or something? That will be much less nerve racking than going to her house.

elsien

In future why don't you arrange to meet up for coffee or a drink somewhere? Less pressure and either of you can make your excuses and leave more easily if you want to, rather than sitting in someone else's house, which I wouldn't feel comfortable doing for a first meeting. I'm surprised from a safety point of view that she suggested that - I wouldn't.


Edit - how could you be going to her home in one post, then not knowing where she lives in the next post? I'm confused.

duchy

If you are "an insecure person" then you know how much rejection can hurt -so how do you think SHE felt?

(I edited my post above -with a suggestion btw)

Good point about how if you were going to her house....how come you don't know the road let alone the address !

kingslayer

JoW123 wrote: »

I know this probably sounds harsh, but it's all about you isn't it?You haven't given any thought to how she might be feeling after being let down at the last minute, especially as it's the third time. Leave her be if you can't at least be honest with her as to why you keep cancelling.

Not really all about me. I don't know how she is feeling. I would like to speak to her and find out, but I guess I'm afraid of getting shot down even if I am honest.

It has happened before with some women, so it can easily happen again. Oh yeah, because women like to know that someone they could potentially be dating is someone who was, and sometimes still is socially inept.

The only reason I'm able to communicate quite confidently with her is because I've built up comfort, otherwise if I just went straight in i would be hopeless.

laurel7172

Sorry, but I think you were lucky to get the third chance.

kingslayer

elsien wrote: »

In future why don't you arrange to meet up for coffee or a drink somewhere? Less pressure and either of you can make your excuses and leave more easily if you want to, rather than sitting in someone else's house, which I wouldn't feel comfortable doing for a first meeting. I'm surprised from a safety point of view that she suggested that - I wouldn't.


Edit - how could you be going to her home in one post, then not knowing where she lives in the next post? I'm confused.

Because I was going to ask where she lived before I went. There was no point me taking her house number and road before then. I know, I should have got the number and road before that. I knew the location, just not the road and house number.

Tigsteroonie

I'd say you've blown it. Cancelling three times, and not even doing so by telephone?

Put it down to experience, and move on. She certainly will be.

SailorSam

You say your dating life hasn't been good these last few years 'cos of health problems, so do you really want to get back into dating or are you happy just chatting and backing off at the last minute. Especially as this woman is older are you getting your kicks out of pretending to be a toyboy and flattering them.
I i were her i'd ignore your calls. Once, amyone can have an emergengy. Even twice she's given you the benefit of the doubt. But three times, she'll be thinking this morning he can go and take the p*ss out of someone else.

kingslayer

duchy wrote: »

If you are "an insecure person" then you know how much rejection can hurt -so how do you think SHE felt?

(I edited my post above -with a suggestion btw)

Good point about how if you were going to her house....how come you don't know the road let alone the address !

Like I said, i don't know how she is feeling. When you are so focused on yourself, sometimes i don't think about other's feelings. It isn't selfish, it's just a by-product of my mental state at times.

It was stupid of me because we'd been talking for so long and I had built up a good rapport with her, only to just throw it away because of my own insecurities regarding my mental issues etc and not having the ability to be honest with her, worried that she won't understand it and become disinterested.

Would you be honest with someone you was really comfortable with, but hadn't met yet, because you thought being honest could ruin things?

ecgirl07

kingslayer wrote: »

Would you be honest with someone you was really comfortable with, but hadn't met yet, because you thought being honest could ruin things?

You have kinda "ruined it" by being dishonest, so next time best to "ruin it" by being honest. Yesterday you could have text "im real nervous about meeting but excited to do so, hope my nerves dont make an idiot of me" or something along those lines. Everybody is nervous before a first date - she was nervous and you cancelled for the third time - how do you think she felt when she read your text?