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The number...truth or lie??

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  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,571 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    I would expect to discuss sexual boundaries at some point with a partner.

    This is understandable - what do you like, what don't you like.

    For me, it's the "what did you do with previous partners X, Y and Z" that would make me uncomfortable. That's private between the other person and me.
  • TrickyWicky
    TrickyWicky Posts: 4,025 Forumite
    edited 31 May 2014 at 3:01AM
    I know some of you women will resent me for this but when i met my girl years ago yes I did ask her.

    Why? because I was serious about her. I didn't want to waste my time on a girl that was clearly going to go with any bloke that had a lump in his trousers. I also didn't want to be with a sl*t who was putting it about as much as possible and letting any old so and so empty his load in her.

    Sorry if that sounds harsh but it's the truth! Blokes aren't keen on sloppy seconds but we're even less keen on a girl that everyone else has apparently ridden. Yes it sounds terrible I am well aware of that but a bloke who is serious about a woman wants to know that she's capable of committing to being 'his'.

    If it's a casual sh*g / friends with benefits thing then it doesn't really matter how many she's been with but then likewise, I'd never want to get into a relationship with someone like that either.

    Likewise however (and this may shock the women readers) I also think that the woman has the right to ask, know and feel the same way about us blokes. Yes I asked her but then she decided to ask me in return and I gave her an answer (actually I lied the first time and boosted the numbers a bit before admitting a week later that the number was actually a lot lower lol).

    There were also other questions such as drugs. I've never touched them, she did try one once and that was a bit alarming for me to be honest but she did say it put her off and she'd never tried anything since.

    To be honest, from my POV if you're serious about someone it's only natural to want to know what type of person they are and whether they look after themselves or are a danger to themselves and risking an early death leaving you alone. I certainly wouldn't want to be with someone who puts it about, takes drugs, drinks heavily and trashes their body. Would you?

    I had a female friend years ago who was reasonable to look at but she openly admitted to sh*gging virtually anyone who asked her for it. She'd also go off to orgies, gang bangs, make porno films etc. She was never short of interest from men but she wasn't capable of a long term relationship either. Three guessses why! I'd never want to be in a relationship with a girl like that.
  • jetplane
    jetplane Posts: 1,615 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    jeez I must be old I haven't read the whole thread but I have no interest in how many former lovers my husband has had and if he ever asked me I would just tell him to bog off. I suppose the only right answer would be to ask him first and then say "well I've had less than you" ;)
    The most potent weapon of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed. Steve Biko
  • justme111
    justme111 Posts: 3,531 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    I know some of you women will resent me for this but when i met my girl years ago yes I did ask her.

    Why? because I was serious about her. I didn't want to waste my time on a girl that was clearly going to go with any bloke that had a lump in his trousers. I also didn't want to be with a sl*t who was putting it about as much as possible and letting any old so and so empty his load in her.

    Sorry if that sounds harsh but it's the truth! Blokes aren't keen on sloppy seconds but we're even less keen on a girl that everyone else has apparently ridden. Yes it sounds terrible I am well aware of that but a bloke who is serious about a woman wants to know that she's capable of committing to being 'his'.

    If it's a casual sh*g / friends with benefits thing then it doesn't really matter how many she's been with but then likewise, I'd never want to get into a relationship with someone like that either.

    Likewise however (and this may shock the women readers) I also think that the woman has the right to ask, know and feel the same way about us blokes. Yes I asked her but then she decided to ask me in return and I gave her an answer (actually I lied the first time and boosted the numbers a bit before admitting a week later that the number was actually a lot lower lol).

    There were also other questions such as drugs. I've never touched them, she did try one once and that was a bit alarming for me to be honest but she did say it put her off and she'd never tried anything since.

    To be honest, from my POV if you're serious about someone it's only natural to want to know what type of person they are and whether they look after themselves or are a danger to themselves and risking an early death leaving you alone. I certainly wouldn't want to be with someone who puts it about, takes drugs, drinks heavily and trashes their body. Would you?

    I had a female friend years ago who was reasonable to look at but she openly admitted to sh*gging virtually anyone who asked her for it. She'd also go off to orgies, gang bangs, make porno films etc. She was never short of interest from men but she wasn't capable of a long term relationship either. Three guessses why! I'd never want to be in a relationship with a girl like that.
    I fail to follow your thought process. So if she had many sexpartners in the past then she was going to cheat on you ?
    I understand wanting someone who is not a danger to themselves and other around , sexual behaviour that is a danger surely would be obvious without asking about partners number , kind of :what we you up to yesterday ? - we went to mike's , we always there on Fridays , he has a knack of funding guys with biggest c...s.
    The word "dilemma" comes from Greek where "di" means two and "lemma" means premise. Refers usually to difficult choice between two undesirable options.
    Often people seem to use this word mistakenly where "quandary" would fit better.
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,571 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    I didn't want to waste my time on a girl that was clearly going to go with any bloke that had a lump in his trousers. I also didn't want to be with a sl*t who was putting it about as much as possible and letting any old so and so empty his load in her.

    Yes I asked her but then she decided to ask me in return and I gave her an answer (actually I lied the first time and boosted the numbers a bit before admitting a week later that the number was actually a lot lower lol).

    :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
  • TrickyWicky
    TrickyWicky Posts: 4,025 Forumite
    justme111 wrote: »
    I fail to follow your thought process. So if she had many sexpartners in the past then she was going to cheat on you ?

    Hey I never said I understand it myself, I just tell it the way it works :D
  • TrickyWicky
    TrickyWicky Posts: 4,025 Forumite
    Mojisola wrote: »
    :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

    Hey I'm a bloke.. we're supposed to have hammered half the planet senseless and be a god in bed right? :p
  • System
    System Posts: 178,351 Community Admin
    10,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    I think Trickywickys attitude is precicisley why I wouldn't want to elaborate on my number for fear of being judged, in 11 years I have had some one night stands and some friends with benefits, I also spent 9 of those yes as in longish term relationships (the one night stands were between partners), it doesn't affect my ability to be faithful, and if much rather have sex in a relationship but a)when I was single my self esteem was at an all time low and sex made me feel wanted even if it was only brief, and 2)during manic episodes I am pretty much hypersexual, not a problem in relationships (extra sex lol) but a problem when single, namely because I don't realise what I'm doing, hence why I've don't things I regret

    I admit my bf had called it slightly sluttish behaviour but he understands my issues with low self esteem and why it happened and accepts it's part of my past not my present, but I doubt most men would be as tolerant hence why I'd be uncomfortable discussing it
    This is a system account and does not represent a real person. To contact the Forum Team email forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
  • Morglin
    Morglin Posts: 15,922 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    edited 31 May 2014 at 2:40PM
    I know some of you women will resent me for this but when i met my girl years ago yes I did ask her.

    Why? because I was serious about her. I didn't want to waste my time on a girl that was clearly going to go with any bloke that had a lump in his trousers. I also didn't want to be with a sl*t who was putting it about as much as possible and letting any old so and so empty his load in her.

    Sorry if that sounds harsh but it's the truth! Blokes aren't keen on sloppy seconds but we're even less keen on a girl that everyone else has apparently ridden. Yes it sounds terrible I am well aware of that but a bloke who is serious about a woman wants to know that she's capable of committing to being 'his'.

    If it's a casual sh*g / friends with benefits thing then it doesn't really matter how many she's been with but then likewise, I'd never want to get into a relationship with someone like that either.

    Likewise however (and this may shock the women readers) I also think that the woman has the right to ask, know and feel the same way about us blokes. Yes I asked her but then she decided to ask me in return and I gave her an answer (actually I lied the first time and boosted the numbers a bit before admitting a week later that the number was actually a lot lower lol).

    There were also other questions such as drugs. I've never touched them, she did try one once and that was a bit alarming for me to be honest but she did say it put her off and she'd never tried anything since.

    To be honest, from my POV if you're serious about someone it's only natural to want to know what type of person they are and whether they look after themselves or are a danger to themselves and risking an early death leaving you alone. I certainly wouldn't want to be with someone who puts it about, takes drugs, drinks heavily and trashes their body. Would you?

    I had a female friend years ago who was reasonable to look at but she openly admitted to sh*gging virtually anyone who asked her for it. She'd also go off to orgies, gang bangs, make porno films etc. She was never short of interest from men but she wasn't capable of a long term relationship either. Three guessses why! I'd never want to be in a relationship with a girl like that.


    "Sloppy seconds"?

    Blimey, I haven't heard that saying for years lol. :rotfl:

    Strangely, a lot of my friends, heading towards pension age lol, were actually fairly chaste, when they got wed, some thought they would sample some male goods before they purchased any .....and some were even virgins!

    The ones that have been unfaithful, during their marriages, were those who were the virgins....seems they got to a certain age, felt they'd missed out on variety in life, and threw caution to the winds.

    So, it's not always the innocent ones that make the best life partners!

    As far as how women view a man's past, I never wanted an "unsullied" man, and never got one lol

    Lin :)
    You can tell a lot about a woman by her hands..........for instance, if they are placed around your throat, she's probably slightly upset. ;)
  • paddyrg
    paddyrg Posts: 13,543 Forumite
    Lie. 'A handful' is accurate enough, is the 'right' kind of answer, and is impossible to verify.
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