The number...truth or lie??

VestanPance

tayforth wrote: »

Out of interest, what do men think about women who have a very low 'number'?

(I do, that's why I'm asking)

Wouldn't be bothered.

VestanPance

The OP's boyfriend sounds like a bit of an idiot right enough.

I wouldn't be surprised if he's sexually inexperienced himself, as well as relationship inexperienced.

Gavin83

Hanging_by_a_thread wrote: »

Relationships are about the here and now, not what has gone on before.

So you don't think you should know anything about a potential partners past? Would you, for example wish to know if your potential partner had previously been a drug user or seriously in debt?

Me and my girlfriend know each others 'numbers' and it's never been an issue in our relationship, nor used as ammo in an argument. Some people clearly wish to keep some stuff to themselves and others wish to share everything. I guess it shows that if someone asks the question then they might not be the partner for you. I do however think if you lie about it then it's worse than just saying that your not prepared to share. Is it really a good idea to start a relationship on a lie?

purpleshoes_2

Domayne wrote: »

Yeah it was and it was a lot of sexual questions that seriously I've never been asked by someone I barely know so I was a bit...shocked? I guess anx I didn't know how to tell him I was feeling awkward and to mind his own business so i answered them, he asked me things like have I done it 'from the back', Have I ever done it out in public, would I ever have a 3some etc
What do I think? What would you think if a guy asked you questions like this?

I'd want to run like hell.

Have you done it from the back? What age is he? 11?

Anatidaephobia

Gavin83 wrote: »

Is it really a good idea to start a relationship on a lie?

I'm sure many relationships start with a lie or two but that isn't necessarily indicative of how successful the relationship will be. Many people are dishonest in the early days, whether it's about minor things ("I love sushi!") or big things ("of course I want children one day") because they're trying to impress. I think it's a sweeping statement to imply that a lie is inherently bad - sometimes lies are even accidental or merely an attempt to be polite - so the outcome will vary depending on specific circumstances. For most people, lying about "their number" will not have many consequences.

JIL

I would rather spend time talking about the current relationship rather than what's in the past. If it doesn't work out between you, why should he know about something that did not involve him? I wouldn't lie. I would just skim over the questions. How many? Answer that's for me to know.

Morglin

To be honest, although some aspects of previous sex can come up, jokingly, in conversation, such as when I set myself alight having a romp in a car (not excitement, just a dodgy lighter in the pocket of my jeans lol), I wouldn't want to go into details of whether I liked it doggy fashion before etc.,......:eek:

I would be a bit creeped out by it, and surely, a person can let their partner know what they like, between the sheets, at the time, and not need to go through who did what stuff to who before, and whether it was good? :think:

DH and I met later in life, have both had previous lovers, both been married before, but feel no need to go into past nitty-gritty and questioning lol.....:eek:

Lin

lostinrates

marisco wrote: »

Taking an interest in a persons background and asking questions of them is not to interrogate them, or because you have any intention to use their answers against them or to judge them. It simply just comes down to trying to get to know someone well enough, to conclude if you are going to be truly compatible with each other. Some people require a very open and honest relationship with their partner, others it would seem are happy to be more closed off to one another.

As with all things in life we all have different approaches, and as an adult you just have to decide what works for you and go with that.

With this post again, we find some more common ground marisco. But its not always the case that people are as true of heart and balanced as you seem. Part of getting to know someone might be in finding out the questions they ask are inappropriate, that they don't respect your comfort level and intimacy level and that so
Me people do indeed ask these things for less good reasons.

Domayne wrote: »

So last night the question came up again and he said he noticed that I avoided it, why didn't I want to tell him? I intended to be honest because I really don't want to start on some foundation of lies but I panicked and found myself giving him an arbitrary number of 5 which he didn't seem to think was that many, but .then he started asking other questions like how old was I when I lost my virginity, how long was I with the guy, have I done this and that...I lied to ALL of these questions, the only questions I answered honestly were about my ex.
He text me this morning, just hi how are you? but I haven't replied yet because I feel so stupid and awkward

If you feel stupid and awkward you need to address something. Either to listen to a gut feeling something is not right or to reopen communication and draw some gentle lines to cross later.

I'd be happy to answer the questions he asked you , as it happens, but not fired off when I felt uncomfortable. And that my comfort was being ignored would be important to me. HOWEVER, you need to be honest about your feelings because he cannot mind read. This is why I feel the lying approach is not good, and the humorous deflection approach is clearly drawing a line of ' I'm not cross, but not yet.'

I would expect to discuss sexual boundaries at some point with a partner. But, mutual comfort is part of that. If yours is being crossed then......you should, IMO address that. Out of fairness to you BOTH.

Domayne

I'm in the 'what does the past matter?' Camp I think.
While it is nice to be interested in your partners life before you, I don't see what knowing any of this achieves other than to make you feel anxious/inferior or paranoid or something? At least I'm sure that's how I would feel.
I'm nearly 30 - I've had ONE serious relationship of four years and one long standing fwb situation which is nearly ten years on/off when we are both single with someone who is one of my best friends.
I've never had this conversation with either of these guys so this is why I feel super awkward having it with someone I'm not knowing for that long. I wouldn't want to know about my bfs previous gfs and what they were like in bed?
I still didn't reply his message from yesterday and he's sent another two since to say is everything ok, has he done something and I feel...put off?
This whole dating thing is bs.

meritaten

you know what domayne? I think this guy is 'sounding you out'. I think he is into something and is 'exploring your boundaries and experience'. I think he knows very well how he made you feel - hence the worried texts.
I also think you should break off communication with him and run for the hills.
what you describe is almost like he is 'grooming you for future sexploitation'.