Abusive Relationship But No Proof

dancingfairy

I suggest that maybe your ex phoned up and reported the fact that you had taken the dog and it was just taken as a one off incident and not logged as being related to the ongoing domestic violence.
To be honest if the police were classing it as a civil issue and you'd said that he was yours and you'd paid for him then surely your ex would have had to go to court to prove otherwise? They sound a bit useless to be honest and trying to solve things with the path of least resistance rather than actually listening to you or trying to understand what was going on.
It did actually occur to me last night that your ex was just using the dog as an excuse to control you and he had no real interest in him.
I still think you need to keep a full log of everything.
Also don't take no for an answer from the council. You are clearly a victim of domestic violence so may you need to make more of a pain of yourself, get writing, get down there. Maybe get your MP involved or local councillor?
Also Shelter or a domestic violence charity might be able to tell you exactly what help you are entitled to from the council.
df
edit: I agree with the person who said to phone the police and get it logged that he brought the dog back (just to protect yourself).
I'm sorry you are having to fight so hard to get the support you need from the police, from the council, and from others.

FatVonD

I'm no expert on social housing but is it possible to do an exchange? I know the people you swap with might reveal their old whereabouts but I'm sure I've read before that you can do three way swaps too?

Just wanted to let you know that you have mentioned your son's name in one of your posts and your dog's name many times, you might want to remove them from your posts?

PS My German Shepherd dog had exactly the same name

[Deleted User]

Thank you again, for your advice. I have phoned the police and updated them on what happened, and referred the update to the incident ref no and the complaint ref no (apparently its been referred to an inspector). Made it clear that a harassment incident was referred to and treated like a civil incident, and then he brought the dog that I actually owned back, saying he couldn't cope.., which backs up my declaration that it was harrassment. Also stated that I didn't contact my ex in any way inbetween Bear being taken and returned.

I will find what I can to prove ownership, in case he starts any of this again.

Spoke to Women's aid, it could be that I might be able to get help because it isn't possible for me to keep my older son with me in a refuge, they said that I can ask for my notes to be used. I am going to see my GP surgery to see if they recorded what I have said about domestic violence. I have certainly mentioned it, will have to see if they ever noted it down. Then I might stand a chance of getting legal aid.

[Deleted User]

FatVonD wrote: »

I'm no expert on social housing but is it possible to do an exchange? I know the people you swap with might reveal their old whereabouts but I'm sure I've read before that you can do three way swaps too?

Just wanted to let you know that you have mentioned your son's name in one of your posts and your dog's name many times, you might want to remove them from your posts?

PS My German Shepherd dog had exactly the same name

Thank you. I am in a not overly nice private rental with a LL who is a bit reluctant to do repairs. See https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4983355. I doubt exchange is an option. With all this going on, the house is actually in more of a mess than usual because I've got things half sorted as a part of decluttering. I'm going to try and get stuff bagged up properly today, will have to leave ironing the clothes.

Savvy_Sue

deannatrois wrote: »

I doubt exchange is an option.

You're right there: your landlord has no obligation to accept another tenant who might want to swap with you, the swapsies thing is only relevant if you're in social housing (housing association or local council).

But good on you for cracking on with the decluttering etc. I'm not saying it will be a walk in the park to get social housing, but I do think you should be able to register.

FatVonD

deannatrois wrote: »

Thank you. I am in a not overly nice private rental with a LL who is a bit reluctant to do repairs. See https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4983355. I doubt exchange is an option. With all this going on, the house is actually in more of a mess than usual because I've got things half sorted as a part of decluttering. I'm going to try and get stuff bagged up properly today, will have to leave ironing the clothes.

Ah, I see, I don't know why but I thought it was a HA.

bellevie

You are able to apply directly to the courts for an injunction.

Find your local court, call them to check the cost, I paid roughly £50-70 I think - but it was a few years back so things may have changed by then - they may have a reduced fee if you are on benefits, worth asking the question.

You turn up on the day, you are given a sheet to fill out which is what the judge uses - a statement, in it use your evidence, ie crime reference numbers, describe what is going on and how it affects you life, scared to leave the house, watching over your shoulder etc. - Be aware that if this is granted it wont apply until you get a copy to your ex - and he will see a copy of the statement. - I wish I had known that last bit as I really opened my soul to the judge, which I guess helped me get the order, but I know my ex would have thrived on my exposed weaknesses, Im not sure he knew the extent of my fear before the order, so when it expired he ramped it up & I ended up moving hours away as I should have done to begin with!

Regarding moving, could you look to move to a completely different town/county? The difference in deposits required is astonishing. The area I'm in has high deposits & moving fees, I paid 6 weeks deposit for this place - 1.5 hr drive away and its only 1 months deposit they require and the rents are almost half of that round here - eg a 2 bed house here, you would be lucky to get one at £945, the 1.5 drive away 2 bed house £550

If you have nothing to keep you where you are, definitely would be worth considering.

[Deleted User]

Very good advice as usual but I have to keep my older son so he can get to college. Its a specialist college and there isn't another one in the country. I can move but not to a different part of the country. Living in Wolves taught me that not every borough is any good with special needs, also. Its about as good as it gets here (which is not perfect but it is a lot better than where we were). Unfortunately, I am living in a cheaper part of the borough.., all of it is in demand because its close to London. Lot cheaper than London but not a give away by any stretch of the imagination.

[Deleted User]

Just received a text from my dad. Had told him what had happened with the police. He replied saying I had to let ex see our son unless I was at risk of physical harm.

Feel so very low now. Worse than after the police left.

I've replied saying he needs to look up a definition of domestic violence. But feel so very bad now. How am I supposed to fight everything?

The good thing is Women's aid are going to support my request for Legal Aid, stating they've known about the situation for 18 months. Also trying to get a letter from my GP.

Top_Girl

deannatrois wrote: »

Just received a text from my dad. Had told him what had happened with the police. He replied saying I had to let ex see our son unless I was at risk of physical harm.

Feel so very low now. Worse than after the police left.

I've replied saying he needs to look up a definition of domestic violence. But feel so very bad now. How am I supposed to fight everything?

The good thing is Women's aid are going to support my request for Legal Aid, stating they've known about the situation for 18 months. Also trying to get a letter from my GP.

Deannatrois, 'letting' your son see your ex is a different matter entirely, unless you genuinely believe that to do so would endanger your son.

YOU do NOT have to see your ex.

If neither of you have a friend or family member you could separately drop off and pick up your son from, there is the option of contact centres.

My son's dad wasn't allowed near our home following various incidents and harassment warnings and friends/family/contact centres were unsuitable for various reasons.

We ended up doing our drop offs and pick ups at the local shopping centre; a mutually convenient, crowded place with security personnel around, cameras and witnesses and where I could keep my distance from my ex. This made me feel much safer and made the whole process much easier.