Abusive Relationship But No Proof

duchy

A friend of mine used to work for them in outreach. As well as offering practical advice - their role is to assist you so you aren't "tempted" (for want of a better word) to return to the relationship but to build confidence and self reliance.

Remember you are seperated so if your ex comes around hammering on the door- do what you'd do if it was anyone else..... Tell him to go away and if he doesn't call the police.

As for access -If he won't see the child alone then he doesn't get to see him until contact at a contact centre can be set up. You are his ex -not his girlfriend, and not his doormat ! If you don't want to see him then that is your right.

Remember to keep his texts -you can download them and store them if you don't want to keep them on your phone -so if it does go to court you can demonstrate his odd and erratic behaviour.

[Deleted User]

To be honest, I didn't really find Outreach very 'supportive' before, certainly not trying to help with confidence etc. I went there very depressed asking for help but they refused to give any because I was still in contact with my ex. At the time I felt I couldn't cope totally isolated because my sons have special needs., but now I'd rather anything than get in contact with my ex. I find it difficult to walk the dogs (one's a GSD) because of my health problems but I have to so I will find a way. I will have to manage the other issues as well. And if its on my own with no help or support, as I suspect, that's just the way it will have to be. Its better than the alternative.

[Deleted User]

lol nice to know you read the thread!

RAS

deannatrois wrote: »

lol nice to know you read the thread!

Well, you still have your sense of humour intact despite everything.:D

[Deleted User]

Yes, it actually made me feel better lol.

I was a bit down last night because of the realisation that there is a lack of support but then I thought ok, lack of support but
1) I can deal with this on my own, the consequences are better than continuing with this relationship year in, year out.
2) I am enjoying viewing my future without being controlled, life turned upside down because of something someone else has done or called nutty/unreasonable constantly!

Savvy_Sue

deannatrois wrote: »

I so need to move but can't, in private rental with no deposit and benefit recipient so LL's and LA's won't look at me. He scares me. I've tried to tell the police the sort of contacts he has but they basically laughed at me. Thank god I still have the dogs.

Local authority or Housing Association does not require a deposit, surely? Being on benefits not a problem.

Get onto your local housing dept and ask about this, urgently. You should be able to complete one form which will get you onto 'the list' for all LA and local HA properties: not saying it will be easy but your depression, the boys' needs, and your threatening ex should add weight.

[Deleted User]

When I tried before, housing department were not helpful, stating that unless police were called and there was violence, it wasn't enough for me to be declared homeless. Its a bit like the legal aid problem. I don't fall within the 'needs help' criteria for domestic violence even if I am living on my nerves right now.

Also, the council loaned me 1,500 to get this place (1 months rent and deposit). I still owe 400, and I think that will go against me too. I'm clearing the house and trying to find things I can sell but its going to be a slow process saving up what I need. I am budgeting more and more aggressively but its still going to take time. If I pay off the 400 to the council and they say no.., then I am 400 further behind in the larger sum I need to stand any chance of getting another private rental.

Savvy_Sue

deannatrois wrote: »

When I tried before, housing department were not helpful, stating that unless police were called and there was violence, it wasn't enough for me to be declared homeless. Its a bit like the legal aid problem. I don't fall within the 'needs help' criteria for domestic violence even if I am living on my nerves right now.

Also, the council loaned me 1,500 to get this place (1 months rent and deposit). I still owe 400, and I think that will go against me too. I'm clearing the house and trying to find things I can sell but its going to be a slow process saving up what I need. I am budgeting more and more aggressively but its still going to take time. If I pay off the 400 to the council and they say no.., then I am 400 further behind in the larger sum I need to stand any chance of getting another private rental.

You may find the criteria have changed now - when did you last try this? You have now called the police: there will be reports of this. You are suffering from harassment from an abusive ex. You are getting support from Women's Aid. Ask them about this.

Are you behind in your repayments of the deposit? If not, I don't see why that would be held against you. I don't know, but as I say, you should ask.

[Deleted User]

Yes I was paying it regularly, but then my ex started the self employment and I had serious problems even paying for rent and food. I stopped the payments and haven't restarted them. This is some months ago now.I need to get back to a reasonable budget, my fault.

RAS

deannatrois wrote: »

I need to get back to a reasonable budget, my fault.

Really? Sounds more like ex to me?

You cannot really budget when you do not have any sort of stable income.