Abusive Relationship But No Proof

RAS

deannatrois wrote: »

Just received a text from my dad. Had told him what had happened with the police. He replied saying I had to let ex see our son unless I was at risk of physical harm.

deannatrois

Your dad is thinking about the old days when parent had access rights. Those are long gone.

Your son has the right to see his dad if he wishes to.

As Top Girl suggests, either find a contact centre or exchange in a very public place where there are security staff around and you can see your ex arrive, send son over to join him and then leave yourself.

Ask your solicitor (when you get one) to send a letter suggesting say every other Saturday to start with.

[Deleted User]

Don't misunderstand me, I will be delighted to have my ex and our son see each other, just without me being involved. I did ask for this many times but my ex always refused.

So now I'll have to see if I can get legal aid and propose this again. If I text him and suggest it, he'll refuse again and then I'll end up in a two way conversation I've been advised against. That is NOT going to happen.

thorsoak

DO NOT TEXT HIM!

Make any arrangements for him to see his son through a third party. And for a third party to arrange pick-up and drop off - maybe your father?

RAS

deannatrois wrote: »

Don't misunderstand me, I will be delighted to have my ex and our son see each other, just without me being involved. I did ask for this many times but my ex always refused.

So now I'll have to see if I can get legal aid and propose this again. If I text him and suggest it, he'll refuse again and then I'll end up in a two way conversation I've been advised against. That is NOT going to happen.

No need to text as that does lead to conversations.

One option may be to wait until he actually gets a solcitor and then reply to the solicitor; you may not need your own.

If he asks for contact via the solicitor, make the proposal in writing to the solicitor with provisos, making plain that you have been told NOT to see ex personally because of the harassment issues.

1. A regular day in the first instances; courts often work on every two weeks.
2. You will deliver to an agreed neutral location at an agreed time (make a suggestion of somewhere easy to get to). Your ex is to take your son and you will do what you want but will NOT be talking to him.
3. Son to be returned to the location by the agreed time (if you are using somewhere like a shopping centre well before it closes and before any transport ends).
4. If this works, you will discuss arrangements for holidays and special occasions but only via the solicitor.

What does you son want by the way? Have you asked him?

RAS

thorsoak wrote: »

And for a third party to arrange pick-up and drop off - maybe your father?

Actually that is a good idea; ask him to put his money and time where his mouth is?

Mojisola

No matter what your father says, it's down to your ex or his solicitor to contact you to work out access. You don't have to make the first move.

At the moment, he's been happy to put pressure on you about the dog but not his son. That says a lot!

[Deleted User]

My dad is 80, not overly well and lives too far away lol. Its a good idea but not workable I'm afraid.

Its embarrassing but I really do have no friends and family.

Mojisola

deannatrois wrote: »

Its embarrassing but I really do have no friends and family.

You will have once you're back in control of your life.

[Deleted User]

Yes, I have just started some counselling, basically asking why did I let this happen to me. I am praying that all this make me heal myself and move forward. I'm 50 lol.., its well and truly time I defeat the demons!

But as an addendum.., today my older son was a bit upset because he'd spent a lot of time practising for an audition that was a waste of time (real world lesson unfortunately). I did have a low point after my Dad's text, but I thank everything that we still have the GSD and the spaniel, plus two lovely children. I so don't want my family to be what I experienced as a child/young person. So we had a family hug and I reminded them that we actually are very lucky because we do have each other, love each other, support each other, are there for each other, and we still have our dogs - whatever else is going on. We could have lost the GSD, but we didn't. We still have a roof over our heads (whatever shape its in) when we could easily have not had. We can't go to a refuge.., but we are ok today. And I do feel lucky. I know it could be very different.

Maybe I'm just having a reaction to everything!

[Deleted User]

He's called and texted yesterday, called and texted twice today, and called round, knocking at the door saying he just wants to see the dogs and his son. No response from me. I've called police asking for an update on what's happening with my complaint, explaining he's still contacting me with no communication from me whatsoever. Not sure what else I can do.

So far, it seems like I can't move, can't get an injunction, can't get a harrassment order unless I pay for it myself (and given the police attitude, it doesn't seem likely it would be granted), can't stop him calling round, can't get police to respond appropriately, can't go to a refuge. But he also can't get in as yet. So we are still safe as far as I know.

Women's Aid tell me I have options.., just can't seem to find any lolol. My options seem to be staying incommunicado and under lock down conditions or giving in and letting him into my life (which is NOT going to happen).