Help OH is ruining everything

Any

puddy wrote: »

im not sure where i have said this

i did say that i think that some people on here talk about their OH as if they were children and that they come across as if they dictate what they eat

but yes, there needs to be compromise, i have to compromise on the dreaded sell bys and he has to compromise by not eating what i consider to be rubbish (processed foods)

Puddy earlier on you said that unless you do what he wants he will just get you into debt and therefore you will end up suffering for it..

Basicaly I was getting at this, but JoJo said it better:

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

But the man who decides he is quite content for the rest of the household to go hungry for the rest of the week because he wants to use everything at once (particularly when he wasn't in my case even living with us or paying a penny towards the food in question), knowing that this will deprive everyone else in the house of food and the funds to feed themselves, is not behaving like a grown man. He is effectively saying 'but I WANT it ALL and I WANT it NOW!!! You're not having it tomorrow, I'm having it NOW!!!'

This is just what I felt from your posts..

Sambucus_Nigra

puddy wrote: »

crikey where did that come from

I don't know but wowsers....

So food IS a feminist issue. Goes alot deeper than the contents of the fridge it would seem.

vgstar44

I really only have 1 gripe with the fact I'd be happy if my hubby didnt demolish all the cold meat for the weeks sandwichs as a pre dinner snack!!!

Feel a bit daft posting that tho as there seems a few folk have worse issues than that :silenced:

We work as a team in my house and if theres the meal planner on the fridge my hubby will to follow it, it actually makes his life easier knowing whats there to be used rather than him thinking for himself...sometimes he makes a few alterations by adding maybe a tin of beans to the dinner equation but because the beans are value beans it doesnt make much of a dent.

I use my money for shopping but once thats gone id be dipping into his so hes happy for me to make the food decisions :j

blackandwhitebunny

without thinking that there is something about control and commanding people to obey them and very little about actually eating food involved in the matter.[/QUOTE]

Not my OH and possibly slightly off topic but related
Last year my sister came over from SA for a visit and she had turned vegan. The two weeks were hell with trying to accomodate her diet and my dad and his wife who are very much meat and two veg people and also going on a trip to Northumberland (neutral territory as she has problems with my dad's wife). After she left I sat down and really thought about it and realised it had nothing to do with food or ethics and everything to do with controlling others. My sister is fairly quiet, doesn't come across as bossy or demanding generally but has lived by herself since she was in her early twenties (now fifty) and is very selfish and likes getting her own way. She has been vegetarian for many years but I always found that easy to cater for, vegan was a whole new game. We ended up buying loads of special foods which she then didn't eat, (I tracked down vegan cheese at H&B and she only ate a few slivers as she prefered another brand which I couldn't find), I always had to consider her needs first before thinking of the other people involved, we could only eat out in places that could cater for her diet so she had final say every time (normally we take turns choosing places and make compromises if necessary) and then the poor staff would be up and down trying to find out exactly what was in everything, I had to buy the £8 bottle of wine rather than the £4 one as it was vegan and she would complain when the best the pub/ restaurant could do for her for dessert was strawberries and we were all munching pavlova and cheesecake.
I spent a fortnight tearing myself in two trying to look after her and my dad, his wife and my OH (who fortunately eats anything) and was still left feeling very guilty as obviously it wasn't quite good enough.
I wa s very relived when she decided she couldn't afford to come over this year:o
So yes food is about lots more than just being hungry and what you like.:D

euronorris

I would also that, if someone has genuine food issues, they are aware of it, don't like it themselves, and HATE that everyone else feels they have to go out of their way to accomodate you. At least, that is how I feel/felt a lot of the time. It's nice that people want to be so accomodating, but I don't want to be a burden to others.

So, I started tackling my food issues about 8 years ago, at age 20. I never used to eat chicken (!!), and now love it. I'd never had curry, and now love it! I eat a lot more fruit and veg, and I'm getting a hell of a lot better at trying stuff. At my Dad's 70th earlier this year, it was such a relief for me to be able to order the same roast beef dish, as everyone else and not have to request no gravy, or worse a different dish altogether! AND, I enjoyed it! It was very, very tasty! My brothers and sisters had heard me saying how much I was improving, but this was the first time they had actually seen it and I got exclamations of 'blimey!'. That was such a good feeling. Much better than feeling like an idiot with child like eating habits, or an inconvenience.

Gotten over needing to know exactly what goes into everything I eat also, and bitty food (crikey - I wouldn't even eat yoghurts with bits in before, or any type of tomato sauce with bits in).

Still a bit fussy about the beef I eat, but it's getting better. Still working up the courage to try pork (even though I love sausages - yes, I know, doesn't make sense). And I know that sounds overly dramatic, but I have an irrational fear about not liking it, and then having food go to waste (especially when eating out!!), so I'll be trying that home. Oh, and I can't have cheese, but that is because it makes me sick.

Basically, food fears can be real, BUT, I can't see why anyone wouldn't want to tackle the issue when it limits your life so much, and puts pressure on other people. But maybe that's just me.

adelight

My OH has been quite good at coming round to my way of shopping/eating/cooking. I do make some compromises, like he doesn't like soup much BUT he'll eat if I do it with dumplings or crusty bread.
Getting him to stop eating so many ready made sweet things was a battle, but now I can do a big batch of flapjacks for a week and it saves £3-5 on cakes/tarts, but I just can't get him off sweets/choc completely and they still cost £3-4 a week. We buy shopping alternately so I do feel a bit miffed buying sweets and generally buy less on my turn. I generally just want him to eat less for his health too!!

mesh

by notatvstar
Before any of you ask the q. Yes - put it this way - I came home from work one day and found he'd sorted my books out on my shelves in order of colour.

Yikes, I had a lodger whose rent really helped me over a bad period and when I came home from work one night, found my slippers lined up next to his slippers and two mugs side by side...... OMG he was gone before the month end...... :eek:

MessyMare

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Wow. Is the rest of the relationship like this?

Weirdly enough, not at all- I often try to just defer to him and let him make decisions but he won't let me. Food is the only thing that we really differ in our opinions on; everything else has to be discussed and decided as a team...

It's so crazy...most of the time he's pretty much my perfect man...he generally shows me so much respect and care, he's really supportive. I suppose if the food thing is the only thing that gets to me we're doing pretty well He spent all weekend up a ladder taking the paint off the outside of the house and repointing the walls so we can paint them cream, because I hate the pink colour :P

Time to put this thread to sleep I think, I've got some great ideas- think I'll create a rolling meal plan so he always has a few choices, and do shopping weekly instead of trying to do it monthly

Maitane

Perhaps pointing out the benefits of meal planning would help. You can both sit down and choose meals you enjoy, perhaps even search for a recipe you'd both like to try one night and especially the idea of treats like flapjacks and Twink's Hobnobs.
It also frees up cash for other things that you both enjoy.

Perhaps looking at all areas of your spending at the same time would go hand in hand with this and take the pressure off the food issue. Plus, if you do it together, you can start seeing each others point of view more clearly and see exactly why you're doing it.
At least if he sees the drop in earnings clearly, he'll understand your efforts towards money saving. Plus if you're saying there have been trust issues, perhaps the honesty will work in your favour.

zippychick

Gosh, what a bizarre few pages.....

ive merged this with an older thread on getting oH on board

OH sabotage of batch cooking


and my OH Is driving me mad may also interest you

Zip